Mr and Mrs McMuffin

slinky is sleeping

I know that I talk about this cat far too much, but this is a photo I took yesterday as he slept on the chair next to me while I worked on the computer. He just looks so cosy and adorable. In fact, he is sitting next to me right now trying to get to sleep. He is in a far less relaxed state of mind though, having suffered the indignity of being locked out of the house last night. I was awoken this morning by his wails to get inside. The rain is pouring down, and poor Slinky looked like a drowned rat cat. It has taken him about 30 minutes to settle down after the trauma of getting wet.

Please don't tell him that when we go to work in an hour or so, he is going back out in the rain.

reminder

Gypsy Tart and Rock Cake go on holiday to Crete for two weeks tomorrow. Do not forget to feed their cats. Mr McMuffin, you have the morning shift. Share half a can of food between their bowls (by the door to the living room). Fill the bowls (by the heater on the other side of the kitchen, don't ask why, I don't know) with biscuits and change the water. I'll do the rest. All the food is in the little wooden cabinet next to the cooker.

Do not let Slinky into the house. He will beat their cats up and spray in the house. He did this yesterday after we told him off for spraying over here. He is a bad, bad cat.

i am going to kill that f*@!ing cat

You will never believe what that animal has done. He has been mooching around for most of the day, extremely unhappy that Ra is here. He just climbed up on the table and sprayed on the beloved Mac. How could he? I was very calm, and all I did was chase him out of the house. But, I felt like doing so much more to the little bugger.

[UPDATE: He has just sneaked back into the house and gone straight upstairs for a sleep. After all the excitement he is probably a bit tired.]

ra's beautiful eyes

I was just sitting here looking at Ra, and thinking what beautiful eyes he has. He is such an accommodating cat, he sat still while I took a whole load of photos of his face. He is a much nicer cat than the one whom we do not talk of. All he seems to want to do is sleep, and I really mean that. I know all cats like to sleep, but this one really doesn't seem to do anything else. Perhaps he is just getting old. He must be about the same age as the one whom we do not talk of, and he's about ten years old.

If you look closely, you can see me reflected in Ra's pupil. I am such a tease.

evil ra

I think I have finally been able to capture Ra's inner evilness. For some reason, Slinky is a pussy when it comes to sharing his food with Ra. He is quite happy to take the odd swipe at Ra for no apparent reason, or to have a hissy fit whenever Ra comes near him. When it comes to eating, Slink will always just move aside so that Ra can eat, waiting silently until he is finished. A very odd catty relationship. Now, Ra will eat anything, and always wants to eat Slinky's food, so sometimes I stand guard to make sure Slinky gets some food. This morning, I pushed Ra away, and stood guard while Slinky ate. Ra kept moving closer and closer an inch at a time, until he was jammed up behind poor Slink. That kind of pressure certainly can't be doing Slinky's digestion any good.

evil slink

I have just witnessed Slink's evil nature again. He was most upset to find that Ra had worked out how to open the doors and had pursued him to the living room, where Slink was relaxing happily with me, thinking himself safe from the clutches of Evil Ra. Slink acted as if he wanted to go outside and Ra followed him. He stopped suddenly by the back door and started grooming himself. As Ra walked past Slink scratched him.

This was not as exciting as the time when I lifted Ra over the doorstep and Slink tried to slash Ra's belly, or the mad attacks by Slink on the underside of the canvas chair Ra likes to sleep on, but it made me laugh. I stopped smiling when I saw the eight piles of poo that Ra has deposited on the slate chippings.

I just went outside to get the washing in and on my return Slink and Big Ginger were in the hallway. Looks like Slink went to get a mate to 'sort out' Ra. It's like the bloody cat Sopranos here.

catblogging days are numbered and about time too

When we started blogging we had no idea how it might turn out. We had no idea that Slink's hold on our real lives would become so apparent in our online life. He bags a disproportionate share of our posts for a creature who has no idea how to log on, although he's quite good at walking over the keyboard. This time Slink has gone too far. He actually stood in front of me on the dining room table and sprayed over the table and one of Mr McMuffin's work files. Slink has been ejected from the house and if you believe Mr McMuffin, from our lives.

This makes me very sad. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the endless screaming outside the back door and the attempts to open the window and enter the house. Ra has also been kicked out and is sitting on the kitchen windowsill staring wistfully in. I've often tried to understand how we've allowed all this to happen.

I think it must be a bit like an affair. We were flattered that such gorgeous and charming creatures wanted to spend time with us. They didn't want much, just companionship and attention. Then they started to get a bit needy but only because they 'loved' us and we sort of fell in love with them. Then the demands started; food, staying over, constant reassurance and cuddling. Then it became embarassing, lots of acting out when friends came over, flaunting their knowledge of our house to their owner. We're now in full on bunny boiler mode, spraying and pooing everywhere. I'm running the bath right now.

Update: Sorry to disappoint Steve, but Mr McMuffin has a will of butter. I returned from feeding my sister's cats (cats, more bloody cats) to find that Slink was in the house and what's more, being fed by the soppy git I am married to.

update on keeping ra out of the house

We are now on day ten of the keeping Ra out of our house campaign. He has tried to get in two or three times every single day. His plaintive cries are beginning to wear me down. It's all so manipulative. He insists on sitting on the kitchen windowsill crying in the rain. I know they have worn down Mrs McMuffin. She will deny this, I am sure, but I think Mrs McMuffin has been turning a blind eye. On a couple of occasions I have gone out or something only to find Ra in his usual seat when I return. No wonder the cat carries on trying to get in. He has been in three times this morning so far. I opened up the back door only to find him waiting. I fed Slink. A few moments later I looked up and Ra was eating the food. Is it possible for a cat to become even more stealthy? I have just found him sunning himself just inside the back door. It's a bit like he is testing the boundaries: so I can't come in, but can I just put my foot here, oh, that's okay, well can I just sit here for a moment, oh, that's okay, well can I just have a little nap here...

I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. And so must Mrs McMuffin.

inoroutinoroutinorout...

I can't make up my mind. Is he in or out? Ra has now taken to sitting on the window watching us, and occasionally making a little mewling noise. I am a mess about all this cat stuff. Last night, amid shouts from both me and Mrs McMuffin, which he ignored, Slinky sprayed on a chair in the dinning room. I kicked him out of the house, and told him that we were finished. I was adamant that he was never coming back into the house again. Mrs McMuffin then worked hard to repair our relationship. She insisted on bringing him to bed, as usual. I ignored him for a few minutes, but then he just became unbearably cute, and curled up on my shoulder as I read and went to sleep, purring contentedly. This evening, seeing Ra sitting on the window nearly broke me. I told Mrs McMuffin to let him in, and to hell with the spraying fest that would follow. Fortunately she was strong, and would not allow him in. They are driving me mad. Have I ever mentioned that these cats belong to our neighbour? To confuse matter even more for the cats and me, she has gone away for a few days, and we are feeding the cats for her. I would make a very, very bad single parent.

UPDATE: Ra is sleeping peacefully on the chair next to me!

UPDATE II: Did you know that cat's pee strips varnish from furniture?

slinky watch

Poor Slinky seems to have caught a draft or something. I've noticed over the last couple of days that he seems to be walking around with his little head set at a quizzical angle. I first thought he was just being cute, you know, cocking his head in that way that dogs do, but now I realise he has something wrong with him. He does like to sleep in the strangest position, up close to the source of warmth, with his head bent back over his body. I just knew it would cause him problems one day. I gave him a little cat massage earlier on. I hope that helps. He is being so brave, hardly a word of complaint from him, although the truth is he probably couldn't whine and complain any more than he does. Tell me, is it wrong for a man to love a cat so much?

all part of the service, sir...

During my little cat massage that I gave Slinky, I found this humungous blood-filled flea. Rather than tax poor Slinky, I picked it off myself with a pair of tweezers. It cost me more than I should admit, because I decided, after I had taken his photograph, to throw the flea into the toilet. I ended up throwing the tweezers in too. I then had to put my hand into the toilet bowl to get them back. Now, that is disgusting. There is a bit of an irony here, because when I showed Mrs McMuffin the pictures I had taken of the fleas, she asked me if I had bleached the tweezers afterwards. I said, don't be daft, I gave them a bit of a wash.

PS Have I got a great camera or what?

i lied

Back to catblogging and hopefully back to bed. Slink appears to have decided to settle at last. Normally I would just boot him out for being so annoying, but the poor little chap still seems to have that curious sideways tilt to his head. This would be cute if it wasn't accompanied by that glassy eyed look that pets in pain often acquire. Mr McMuffin should give him a little neck massage. Wish he'd do the same for me sometimes. I've said it before, but I'm definitely coming back as a cat. One that has overindulgent neighbours, of course.

mystery

We found a piece of bread on the dining room floor just now. An ordinary piece of sliced brown bread, nothing very unusual about that. The thing is that we don't have any bread like it in the house. Perhaps Slinky is trying to feed us, or the teenagers who like to walk past our house want to give something back (through the window) for all the times their obnoxious behaviour has bothered us. Very odd.

Update: Mystery solved. It must have been Slink trying to pacify us, as his behaviour has been truly unacceptable. Yes, I am up this late on a school night because that b*st*rd cat has sprayed on Mr McMuffin in bed again and I am doing clean up duties. Can't even blame the fireworks as he's really not been that bothered by them, apart from not wanting to leave the house.

Further Update: Actually it was those obnoxious b*st*rd teenagers. One put a tomato through the window and into the house earlier tonight. It was a good job Mr McMuffin didn't catch them. Personally I'm hoping that they'll send us gifts of foie gras and fine wines, but it's not that kind of neighbourhood.

i was scared too...

I found the giant evil black cat that terrorises all the other cats in the neighbourhood in our kitchen this afternoon. He had just settled down to scoff Slinky's lunch when I spotted him, or rather heard him, because he wears a cute little bell around his neck. I chased him out of the house, but he just stepped out of the backdoor and turned around to look at me in that adorable way that, even giant evil black, cats have. For some reason, after five or six years, he suddenly wanted some loving from me. So, I spent a few minutes making a fuss of him. He was purring away and rubbing himself against me and for a second I forgot that he was the giant evil black cat. He then set off back into the house, completely ignoring my attempts to stop him. I eventually just picked him up. He must have weighed at least two stone. This is one solid cat. No wonder the other cats are scared of him. Poor Slinky won't even go outside if the giant evil black cat is around. I put him on the door step and gently shooed him away. He wouldn't move, and turned to come back into the house. I blocked his way with my foot, and tried to gently guide him out of the house. He still wouldn't go, and seemed determined to come back into the house. I bent down to push him out with my hands, but no sooner had I touched him than he turned on me hissing like a giant evil black cat with slashing and tearing on his mind. With my heart thumping, I was a little less gentle when I kicked him out of the house, but oddly he didn't run away. He turned and carried on hissing a challenge at me. This was a very scary cat. How many cats do you know that are willing to take on a human being? Anyway, I have learned my lesson. If it looks like a giant evil black cat, then it probably is a giant evil black cat, and I will never again mess with the giant evil black cat.

[I borrowed this picture of Bob to illustrate the story. The giant evil black cat looked a bit like Bob only he was giant and evil.]

i am condemned to the seventh circle of cat hell...

...who knew (apart from Mr McMuffin and Slinky) that Friskies Go Cat in Jelly is unpalatable, possibly toxic muck, but that Friskies Go Cat in Gravy is sheer, gorgeous deliciousness. While Slinky breaks his fast and condescends to eat, I am left to wonder exactly how much clean water the cost of his food might pay for in a developing nation.

Now I shall make a break with all things feline to prepare for our trip to the Carrot Cakes. I am a bit worried though about how he of who we do not speak will manage overnight without us. Perhaps I shall leave Gypsy Tart a slurred message to let him in in the morning and feed him. Of course, he could return home and contend with shabby old Whiskas.

forgotten again

I meant to say something about the evil black cat that so terrified Mr McMuffin. It was lying in wait for unsuspecting pedestrians tonight, just by my neighbours house. I think it chose to stand there as the street lamp is out and it hoped to blend into the dark and take its victims by surprise. It leapt out at me, took one look and ran off as fast as its huge and muscular legs would take it. I, Mrs McMuffin frightened the evil black cat. I am feeling very proud of myself and I know that Mr McMuffin looks at me with new respect. Grrr! Watch out, Slink.