Mr and Mrs McMuffin

top 10 films...ever

I couldn't help myself, even though I haven't finished writing about my top 10 albums, I just had to post my top 10 films of all time. I will finish writing about the albums, but that has proved to be a lot more work than I first thought, so this is just a straight forward list. The films are in no particular order of preference. They are all available to buy through amazon, although Leaving Normal is only available from amazon.com on VHS.

mrs mcmuffin's top 10 films...ever

We really are crazy for listing. I just thought I would get a quick one in before going off to work. This is Mrs McMuffin's list of her Top 10 Films...ever. She may want to say something about them later. You can get all of them through amazon.co.uk.

viggo's little shorts

Well, I've used my time wisely today. I've watched 'Blue' again and it's just as good as I remember, and I noticed that her appartment is on the road we stayed on when we went to Paris this summer.

We're now watching 'GI Jane' which is also as good as I remember, particularly for Viggo's homoerotic garb. Well, ok the shorts are standard (dancehall style) issue, but the moustache isn't.

Are Viggo's shorts just too short?

The biggest problem with this film is when Demi says to Viggo 'suck my dick'. Of course it could be argued that she is indeed taking the power of the phallus, and also mocking it, but I think not. How much more powerful would it have been for her to tell him to suck her clit. I don't think they would have got her fellow wannabe SEALs to chant that in the bar afterwards, but it would have been nice. Anyway it's a rollicking good yarn.

viggo's little shorts part 2

Sorry, but I have become a bit obsessed with Viggo's little shorts, and I didn't think that the last picture did them justice. I think this photo shows Viggo's little shorts at their best.

cabin fever...

Boy was that a bad film, and I usually am very forgiving of bad films. The characters were all horrible and deserved to die in as disgusting a way as possible. The script was even worse and should have been burnt along with the writer by the first person he showed it to. I know people say this all the time, or at least think it, but I really could have made a better film. They could have given me all that money. Truthfully, I am not sure I would have made a film with it though. What would have been the point if it was going to turn out so bad. I think I would have run off to South America and set up a commune. Of course, there would probably have to come a time when I would start to talk about distributing the kool aid, but until then we would have had a lovely time.

the exorcist performed by bunnies

I know it is a bit late for the Easter bunny, but this is special. The Exorcist performed in 30 seconds by bunnies. I can't remember where I got it from.

look who we found...

Remember Wesley Crusher the honorary Ensign from Star Trek: The Next Generation? The young boy genius forever waiting for puberty to happen. Well, he has gone and grown up, and become a geeky blogger into the bargain. Seems like a very nice young man. We found his site a few months ago, before we started blogging ourselves, and then completely forgot about him. This is not an unusual occurrence for Wil Wheaton. He seems to have had two goes at being a big star. He was the lovely boy in Stand By Me, and then he had his big role in Star Trek. After each outing, he is quickly forgotten. He will be pleased to know, I am sure, that we haven't forgotten him, or, it has to be said, forgiven him, for some truly dreadful performances in Star Trek.

killing bill...

Just thought I'd make a quick post before setting off to see Kill Bill Vol 2. Six of us are going to meet up at Nandos for something to eat before seeing the film. I can't wait.

killbilly2 the verdict

6 out of 6 enjoyed the film
4 out of 6 preferred the first one
2 out of 6 got really fidgety and were thinking about leaving
6 out of 6 thought Michael Madsen looked genuinely rough, and not because his character demanded it
4 out of 6 were fascinated by Uma's freakishly large bellybutton, hand and feet
6 out of 6 think she is beautiful but not pretty
5 out of 6 wanted to vomit at a couple of points in the film
All of us had a good time

uma thurman...

I was 1 of 6 that enjoyed Kill Bill Vol 2, and I can't wait to see both films back to back. They really are just one long film split in two. I have also been fascinated by Uma Thurman's unfeasibly large hands for many years. You get lots of opportunity to admire her unusual body in this film, and now I shall be looking out for her unfeasibly large feet and unfeasibly large belly button. I am telling you this woman has feet like a Hobbit and a crater on her belly. I imagine that the size of her belly button has something to do with the size of the umbilical cord. It was probably necessary for her to have an extra thick cord to supply all the blood and nutrients needed to grow those hands and feet. That woman's mother must have been sucked dry by those hands and feet.

Having said all of that, there are some scenes in this film where Uma looks simply stunning.

the big tease...

What a great film. Reminds me so much of my little brother, except he is not a hairdresser. But he is a very camp, very bitchy, Glasgow gay man. He's my favourite brother, but don't tell the others. Actually you'd have a job telling one of them because I have just heard that he has been sentenced to nine months in prison for ABH. What's that all about?

Here's a little reminder of the film's hero Crawford Mackenzie.

the mcmuffins do baccara...

A little teaser for you. You can Download the trailer from here.

a night at the movies...

Mrs McMuffin and I went to the cinema last night with Gypsy Tart and Rock Cake. We were all going to see Van Helsing, but I thought that Gypsy Tart had said that Rock Cake was away for the weekend and so I didn't get him a ticket. By the time I realised my mistake, the show was sold out. We decided to get two tickets for another film showing at the same time, and that turned out to be Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, which deserves to be seen just for the fantastic title. In the end, Rock Cake and I went to see Van Helsing and Mrs McMuffin and Gypsy Tart went to see Eternal Sunshine.

Can't say much about the movies, because we each want to see the other film, but we each thought our respective films were great. Mrs McMuffin said something that I never, ever, thought I would hear her say, she said, "Jim Carey was excellent." You don't how annoying she finds him, so that is high praise indeed.

I loved Van Helsing. Very, very silly, but done with panache. Non-stop action, and the time just flew by. Reminded me a lot of hammy Hammer Horror movies, but with a much bigger budget. An added bonus was that it had a few new twists on the vampire and werewolf myths. Hugh Jackman is excellent as Van Helsing. I find him an interesting actor, in that he actually seems to be pretending to be a big, rough, tough, he-man type, and doesn't seem to have any need to carry it through into his private life. He just seems really nice in the interviews that I have seen with him, and he has really big muscles too. Anyway, enough of that...

creativity stifled...

She is stifling my creativity by going shopping. I am sitting here in my jodphurs and beret twiddling my thumbs. I even bought a megaphone, so that I could be sure she would hear my calls for ACTION. It'll also come in handy when I need to clear the set. Mrs McMuffin insisted that a clause was written into her contract stating that she will only do the nude scenes if there are no more than three people present. I don't know what has come over her. For some reason she thinks that she is the star of this production. I was shocked to find that she had hired herself a lawyer and an agent. It's all getting very expensive. What with her demands for a 60ft mobile home to change in and a personal spiritual advisor. Have you any idea how hard it is to get a 60ft mobile home into a 40ft garden? We had to knock down part of the neighbour's house, but I'm sure we can put it back up before they get back from holiday in a couple of days. If not, I am sure that they will be satisfied with being this close to movie glamour.

Anyway, today, it was all for nothing. I might as well go and get changed into my smoking jacket.

the day after tomorrow

We just got back from seeing The Day After Tomorrow. Great film. Clunky script, saved by some good actors, and the most extraordinary special effects. The two hour film just flew by. Superior trash. Well worth seeing.

i, robot...

Six months ago I posted this. I couldn't quite work out what it was. I now know that it was a teaser for the new Alex Proya film, I, Robot, which stars Will Smith. Alex Proya is the fella who directed The Crow and Dark City, both of which are amazing to look at. The prospect of him directing a robot film with lots and lots of money makes me so excited that I think I am going to wet myself.

However, there is a dark side to all of this, apart from the wet patch on my trousers. I love the Asimov robot stories, and it fills me with not a little dread to hear Alex Proya say, "we've taken licence to create our own story within the confines of Asimov's world." Please, God, don't let it be another Bicentennial Man...

mystic river is polluted

This was not a bad film until the last ten minutes when it turned into a misogynistic frenzy. What a surprise from Mr Eastwood, that well known feminist. Am I the only person who recalls that he is an abuser of women in real life?

We are also very bad people. Unwittingly we have become a magnet for not only Slink, but our nice neighbour's other cat. Let's call this cat 'Ra' to protect his identity. Ra came into our house bold as brass, plonked himself down and started grooming his fur. Right now he is sitting on one of our chairs and eyeing up Slink. Slink is not happy about this. Despite having lived with Ra for many years, Slink believes this house and the people in it to be his property and not to be shared with Ra.

Now I can cope with stealing one cat away, but not two. Little Ra is leaving as soon as I can get Mr McMuffin to stop cooing over him.

kevin costner...

I just had a strange conversation with Mrs McMuffin about the subtleties of Kevin Costner's acting technique. We decided that it is unfair to suggest that his acting is wooden, when in fact he is a very subtle actor. A bit like Clint Eastwood, we thought. This conversation was prompted by the fact that I have hired Open Range for us to watch tonight. I love a decent cowboy film, although Mrs McMuffin is less keen. I think it is a girl thing. I will let you know how it goes.

NB Mrs McMuffin would like the world to know that Charlie Sheen is also a subtle actor, and not in the least bit wooden or over-hyped (in his day) or that being related to a very fine actor had anything to do with his momentary success. He made his direct to video career on his own merits.

[Mrs Mc Muffin would like to speak for herself and say that Charlie Sheen is a fine actor, with no conditions attached. We both like Kevin and Clint's directing, but agreed that Kevin actually seemed to like women in his films. Funnily enough, William Goldman loves Clint and raves about what a talented and allround alright bloke he is. I wonder if he would have said the same if he was Wilhelmina.

We also wondered who would win in a shoot out (an Alien versus Predator debate) I said Kevin, Mr McMuffin thought Clint.]

open range

Just finished watching Open Range, and what a wonderful film it was. Why did this film not get a look in at the Oscars? Why have more people not gone to see it? Apparently it was a critical success in the USA but took hardly any money. In the UK it went straight to DVD. No sloppy acting at all, and once again Kevin has made America look beautiful. There is the most amazing gunfight, which lasts at least 30 minutes, and you really do get some idea of the panicky chaos that must have been around at these moments. People running around everywhere, shouting, and dying. When people get shot, blood spurts, and they are thrown into the air by the force of the bullets. It all seemed quite real to me.

Perhaps the most surprising thing about the whole film was how affecting the slight romance that runs through it is. With only a few words and a look, Kevin and Annette utterly convinced me.

This is a great film, and you should all see it immediately. Now, don't argue with me. Just go and hire it straight away [or buy it, which would be better, because I am sure you will want to watch it again]. I would give this film 9½ out of 10, and it easily rates alongside the similarly themed film, Unforgiven. However, not all the women in this film are prostitutes, as Mrs McMuffin has pointed out. In fact, this film was a prostitute free zone.

[UPDATE The prairie scenes were not made in America. They used Alberta in Canada as a substite for Montana. I have also discovered that the film cost $26,000,000 to make and grossed, in the USA alone, $58,000,000. Maybe I am wrong, but that doesn't seem like too much of a flop.]

a dozen best westerns...

Been thinking about cowboy films that I like, and I have put together a list of twelve of my favourites. Some of you will notice that I have included Carry On Cowboy. This is a great film, very unlike most of the other Carry On films, and it is very, very funny. I remember seeing it as a double bill with Carry On Screaming when I was a kid. In those days I used to spend my every free moment in the cinema. I would go in at 11am and not come back out until 10pm [yes, I did have quite neglectful parents]. I'd watch the films over and over again. Sid James as the Rumpo Kid is as iconic for me as Clint or Kevin will ever be. I saw some amazing films when I was a kid. I saw Once Upon A Time In The West when I was about 8 years old. I was shocked, and some ways the shock I felt has stayed with me, to see Henry Fonda shoot a two children at the beginning of the film. I couldn't believe that anyone would shoot children, and I certainly could never imagine that Henry Fonda would do such a thing. Perhaps I really was a bit too young to have seen this. Films were certificated, and I imagine this was an X rated film, but I never had any problems getting in to see whatever I fancied. Perhaps this is where my poor critical faculty comes from, as far as I was concerned, all the films were good.

collecting lemony snicket eyes...

what we like...

When we go on holiday, I just have to go to the cinema a couple of times where ever we go. We have seen some real stinkers over the years. We can really only ever go to see big budget American films, because they tend to be subtitled. Last night we went to see The Punisher starring Tom Jane (?) and John Travolta. It is another Marvel comic book adaptation. It is one of the lesser known characters. He doesn't have any super powers, and he survives on nothing but desire for revenge, although he dresses this up as moral justice. Anyway, after his whole family is murdered, he sets out for bloody revenge, killing gods knows how many people in horrible ways. The action is good. Tom Jane, whoever he is, is personable enough. He reminded me a lot of Christopher Lambert. He even had the slight cast to his eyes. John Travolta did his usual turn as a cool crazed psycho baddie. I quite liked it. Mrs McMuffin didn't.

I am hoping to go to see Hellboy while I am here. There is another cinema somewhere, but for the life of me, I cannot work out where it is. I am determined not to ask someone.

Back out to the sunshine and a cup of lovely strong coffee.

movies we saw on holiday...

I love to go to the cinema in foreign countries. We can usually only watch big budget American movies that have been subtitled. Every country's cinemas are different. The Portuguese are probably the most civilised of the lot, because they serve beer and they have fag break half way through the film. They call it an interval, but we like to think of it as a fag break. This holiday we saw four films, which is more than we usually do, but we discovered a new shopping centre just outside Funchal with a lovely new cinema. We can never work out when the Portuguese go to the cinema, because there was only ever a few people watching the movie with us. In fact, when we went to see Mean Girls, we were the only people in the theatre. Here is my reviews of the movies. Both The Punisher and Taking Lives were okay. Mean Girls was a little bit more than okay, a sort of OK+, if you like. Hellboy was brilliant. I loved it, and surprisingly, so did Mrs McMuffin. Ron Perlman managed to give the bright red horned demon with a tail a touch of humanity. It was comic book action with soul.

fear me...if you dare...

We've all just been to see Shrek 2. It was easily the funniest film that I have seen this year. Much more knowing that the first film, and clearly aimed at an adult market. All the usual characters are present and accounted, and there is a new one, Puss in Boots, voiced by Antonio Banderas. We all fell in love with him. He is just sooo cat like. I think Slink would be just like him, if he could talk, and had a sword, and a big pair of boots, and a hat. A fantastic performance. We were all struck by his koala defence, and Ms Gypsy Tart is right now consulting with her legal team to consider what action can be taken against those damn thieves at Dreamworks. Who knows, maybe they will settle out of court for an undisclosed sum.

Anyway, go and see this film. It's great. Oh, and by the way, the animation is amazing!

i robot...

Ms Ginger Cake's son thought of us and gave us a copy of i Robot. It was one of those nearly free ones, apart, that is, from the obvious damage that it does to your soul. It wasn't that great a copy, but it was watchable (just the occasional person getting up to go to the toilet). The film was fantastic. Block busting action and something to think about. Who could ask for more? I can't wait for it to come out in the cinemas so that I can see it again. I got so caught up in the film that it was easy to put aside any quibbles that I may have about what they have done to Asimov's stories (Susan Calvin with a machine gun!) A great film that is sure to spawn many sequels. I would give it 8.5/10.

bicentennial man

I am still not getting any work done. I turned on the TV and The Bicentennial Man was just starting. I didn't think that much of it the first time I saw it, but it was much better this time, once you get past the terrible robot outfit that they make Robin Williams wear for the first hour or so of the film. The film did get me thinking about why Andrew Martin would want to be a human being. Why did he not want to be a robot? Maybe it has something to do with Issac Asimov's inability to imagine what a self-determining robot would be like. I guess it is a bit like trying to see the world through the eyes of a dog or a cat. Practically impossible for us to do. The other aspect to it seems to be a touch of some form of racism. It is as if it is impossible to imagine that a machine would not want to be human. Just something to think about, I suppose.

we're off to see...

M. Night Shyamalan's The Village with Ms Ginger Cake.

pieces of april

We saw a very sweet film the other night, and I have found myself thinking about it occasionally over the last couple of days. Pieces of April stars the lovely Katie Holmes of Dawson's Creek fame, along with Oliver Platt and the truly wonderful, Patricia Clarkson, who plays April's mother, dying of cancer, with humour, bitterness and, I suppose, hope. It's a slight story about a girl who has become alienated from her family, but decides to throw a Thanks Giving dinner for them in an attempt to make things better before her mother dies. The film was made on a shoestring budget, and that shows in places, but the performances are great, and the final scenes will have you in tears (not that I cried, you understand). I have saved the very best bit for last. It's only 1 hour and 17 minutes long! I would give it ☆☆☆☆ out of five.

The only problem I had with the film was the lack of semi-automatic weapons, no car chases and not one single explosion. If you can stomach that, then this is the film for you.

christ.

We are watching 'The Sadistic Torture of the Christ' and are quite enjoying it. So there aren't any car chases or big explosions and it's delivered in Latin and Aramaic, with simple subtitles for the less able reader, but it seems fine so far. Satan is very creepy and Jim Caviezel has always been a McMuffin favourite despite his unsavoury religiosity. We have always thought of him as the actor most likely to succeed at playing Jesus (Yayshush).

Mr McMuffin thinks that this may be a good companion piece to 'The Last Temptation of Christ'. I haven't seen this, but if it explains that Jesus wasn't a 33 year old single man living with his Mummy, then it has my vote.

Despite my cynicism about the greatest story ever told, it's quite moving and we haven't been bored yet. Mr McMuffin has dropped his recent recent attempts to alter the outcome of films by shouting at the screen (watching 'Speed' the other night he attempted to cut two thirds of the film by yelling at the bus driver not to go above 50 mph and so arm the bomb) and has not been shouting at Jesus to lie about his beliefs.

I have been forced to post in Mr McMuffin's name as typepad are refusing to recognise me for some reason. They have now denied me three times.

For those of you who haven't read the book or seen the film, I don't want to give the whole story away, but please be reassured that in spite of the gore, there is a happy ending and Jesus isn't a redhead.

boy's night in

Mrs McMuffin has gone out for meal with some people from work to celebrate a birthday in the team. She has left me at home all alone. So, I thought I would have a boy's night in. I hired a couple of films: Serendipity and Maid in Manhattan. I've seen MIM before and really enjoyed it. Serendipity is a couple of years old and stars John Cussack and Kate Beckinsdale. It didn't have great reviews when it first came out, so I have avoided watching it. I loved it. Kate was beautiful and John makes a great romantic lead. Even had a little tear in my eye when they, after many trials and tribulations, found true love. The only problem I have with these kind of films is that there is rarely any explosions or car chases in them.

you don't know how lucky you are...

One of the things I have enjoyed about blogging is connecting with interesting people living different lives, often in different countries. Given my poor abilities in other languages, the 'other countries' have invariably been the US. I have also had the pleasure of meeting through work a lovely woman from the US who has chosen to practice in the UK in my team as a Social Worker. I have to say that I have really had my eyes opened by these experiences. I had no idea about why everyone went on about reducing taxes in the US, but with the things I have learned about the lack of employee benefits, the health system and poor welfare provision, I sort of understand now.

Anyway, I'm not trying to be critical as I'm sure there are lots of benefits to living in the US. One of the very good things from the US is The Station Agent, a lovely film which reminded me a lot of Leaving Normal. It was funny, sad, sweet and touching, and I'll remember Finn, Olivia and Joe for some time.

nolives II

Well we saw the last episode and now have to wait a year for the next one on DVD. Mr McMuffin has rented Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I am happily annoying him by nodding wisely when he looks a bit confused and telling him that he's missing all the clues to what's going on. It makes him nervous when I know more something than him, but I think he should just get used to it.

the grudge...

...or Ju-on is a very scary film. I am very tired, but am too fearful to go near our staircase, so am avoiding going upstairs to bed. I don't think it's as terrifying as Dark Water but is easily as frightening as The Ring. I don't want to see any more Japanese horror films with scary children and unhappy endings. If you haven't seen it, then don't. You'll sleep better.

we are most thrilled

We have just seen the most thrilling thriller I have seen in ages. It's called Highwaymen, and stars the wonderful Jim Caveziel before he became The Christ. I won't go into what it is about, mainly because it is a bit silly, but believe me it will have you sitting on the edge of your seat with your heart in your mouth within a few minutes. There is at least one scene in it, which is the equal of Steven Spielberg's quality stuff, I won't tell you what happens, but it takes place in a tunnel, and marks the director as a talent to watch. It's only an hour and a quarter long, so take the risk, and I'm sure you'll not be disappointed.

Update: Forget all that talent to watch nonesense. The film was directed by Robert Harmon who made The Hitcher in 1986, a very scary and most thrilling film. In fact, I recently bought another copy of it when it was released remastered on DVD.

now and then

One of the pleasures of watching older films is seeing how much plastic surgery film star types have. We watched 'The Juror' tonight and I was struck by how much better Demi Moore and Anne Heche look now than they did then. I'd never seen this film before and it's really not that good, but it's definitely worth a look just to see how time runs backwards for these women. They must have high security attics to stash their portraits in. I've never been in our attic (spiders, obviously) but I suspect my portrait is ridiculously youthful. Not really fair, is it?

so cultured

There are so many films that we want to see at the cinema, that I thought McMuffin and I might have an argument about what to watch. It was surprisingly simple to decide as we both wanted to see...wait for it...Resident Evil II. Not as good as the first, but Milla is still fabulous and becoming more and more like Ripley, in a rather downmarket way.

We saw the trailer for The Grudge, which bears the legend 'inspired by Ju-On'. Inspired? This pretty much looks like a frame by frame copy, not that this is a bad thing at all, but give credit where it's due. I'm hoping that they won't do a Vanishing and change the ending to make it happier.

Anyway, today is the beginning of my two weeks off, although I have to attend a conference on Friday. All I seem to have done so far is housework and fall asleep ridiculously early. I'm not very good at relaxing and have a whole list of things to do. The trouble is that I tend to decide that I've taken on too much and then not do any of it, as I just get put off by the impossibility of it all. What a perfect excuse for idleness I've just made, I am brilliant as well as lazy.

brotherhood of the wolf

I have just watched the fantastic Brotherhood of The Wolf (2001) again. It's a big budget fantasy/horror/kung fu type thing. It stars the very, very beautiful Monica Bellucci, who was in The Matrix, if you remember, and the equally beautiful Mark Dacascos. The film is set in 17th Century France, where the countryside is being terrorised by The Beast. The scene is set for a courtly gentleman and his Mohawk bloodbrother to kick some ass. This should have been a huge hit all over the world, but unfortunately it's in French, and we all know what the plebs are like about subtitles. Of course, I know this does not apply to the good and gentle reader of our blog, so get out there and hire this film. It will do you good.

so cultured, again

Mr McMuffin didn't seem too interested when I suggested that we go to the cinema tonight, until I told him what I wanted to see. Amazing how the promise of action, big explosions and low quality science fiction can raise his enthusiasm levels all the way up to 11. Yes, and I have no shame in revealing this, we went to see Alien Versus Predator. Fittingly, I have finished The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and am reading a book by Harlan Coben. Much like the film it is utter poo, but good poo.

another scary film

We just watched this Korean film. A tale of two sisters, a stepmummy, a wardrobe and a little girl who lives under the sink. Great film. We just couldn't work it out until the very end, when they told us what had been happening. A very odd film, which looked beautiful. Oh, and it's very, very scary. I'd never heard of it before, and only got it because the cover to the DVD was so striking. What is it about those eastern folk and their horror films involving children? I'd give this film ✩✩✩✩✩

important health information

If you are suffering from your own evil bug, then I think a daily regime of multivitamins may help. It certainly helped me over the last few weeks until I stopped taking them. Yes, that's right, if something works then why not stop doing it? It was a stupid thing to do and I'm paying for it by feeling too poo to leave the house. There are distinct advantages though, I have finished reading the Anne Tyler book I started Friday and have watched two films.

I also watched some crap tv about Heavy Metal. It wasn't totally crap as I found out that Saxon (Saxon? Fipping Heck) were the inspiration for Spinal Tap and I have been marvelling at the refusal of Lemmy to age or ever look completely ridiculous. That man certainly has something, I don't think I want it, but he's got it.