Mr and Mrs McMuffin

mrs mcmuffin's birthday

It's Mrs McMuffin's birthday today, and without revealing how old she is, she still looks beautiful to me. I remember her when she was a young stick insect and now she is not so young, but still very slim. I left for work today before she got up, and I left a card and presents for her. It was really hard picking a present for her this year. In fact, it has become harder as each year has passed. All the really good presents seem to have been picked already and all I am left with are the ones that she doesn't really want. Books are always a safe bet. So with that in mind, I got her some new books. I also got her some Bluewater, "Europe's largest shopping centre", gift certificates. I know that sounds a bit lame, but we love Bluewater. It is true that we really wanted to hate it, but it is practically impossible not to love this temple of mammon. You can shop until you drop, have something to eat, and then go to the cinema. Who could ask for more? We are off to have a Chinese meal in a little bit. I am absolutely starving because I haven't eaten anything today. Neither has Slinky it seems. He has been screaming at me since I got in.

the truth about cats and dogs

I have to take some credit for opening Mr McMuffin's eyes to the loveliness of cats. He used to identify himself as a 'dog man", but since the advent of Slink is clear that cats are clever, loyal and funny.

I do like dogs a lot and was always upset that we weren't allowed one as children. My Mum managed to persuade us that it was cruel to keep a dog in a (large) suburban garden, as they really needed the freedom of the wilds of Wales. As a result I had to live vicariously through my relatives and friends. I have to say I am bloody good with them. Give me an 'uncontrollable' dog that doesn't have a brain injury, and I will sort it out with firm boundaries and loving attention. Now if only I was that patient with people. I am being harassed by emails at work urging me to complete an evaluation of the training I suffered. I really don't know how to say abysmal and inducing self harm in a helpful way.

Dydd Dewi Sant

Happy St David's day to everyone. I hope you have been wearing Daffodils, Leeks and proudly singing all the Welsh songs you know. I don't intend to make a fuss, after all the St Patrick's day celebrations are SO tacky (even if he was a Welsh/Scottish man-historians a little unclear on this point).

If you haven't been to St David's in Pembrokeshire, then get there as soon as possible. It's lovely. The Welsh tourist board have not 'bigged up' Wales very effectively, and so it is a relatively secret delight for our overseas visitors. Claim some 'teulu' (family-hope I've spelled it right) and you will be treated well. Actually, you'll probably be ok as long as they don't think you're English. Say 'diolch yn fawr' a couple of times, and they will love you. or at least not spit in your food.

that was the week...

...that was. So here I am again on a Saturday morning, cleaning and tidying, thankful I was so thorough last week. This week has brought sickness, slug revelations, and this very morning a highly amusing yet very personal revelation from Mr McMuffin which will never be shared. He's blushing right now.

You may have gathered that I have become a complete homebody and really resent going out. Today we have a McMuffin brother visiting with his brood, then I am scheduled for the airport run, then we have to go to a party. This is a party to celebrate friends of Mr Mc's first anniversary of 'becoming parents'. So the poor sprog doesn't get a dedicated birthday party, narcissictic or what? I have an ambivalent relationship with these people, hard as I have tried, I just don't like her. He is lovely, and voted most shaggable by a selection of gay and straight friends, and people like her, but I'm just not very keen.

I'm really bad at keeping a neutral face which is a distinct handicap in my line of work, but I shall be practising all day. I am getting worked up already about the right way to say hello, enthusiastic and warm would be good, but please God, don't let them greet me and expect a kiss.

I've said this before, but when did we become a nation of kissers? It was bad enough when air kissing was de rigeur, then we had to make contact. Now people are going for the double or triple kiss. What was wrong with shaking hands? That was great, as women generally didn't, so I could get away with absolutely no physical contact which suited me. What will be next, tongues and a quick grope?

more bugs...

...in the database I'm training on at the moment, and in the house. I forgot to mention that I shared my bed with a tiny slug on Saturday morning. They're like bloody buses in this house. It wasn't even the same slug that had been showering with Mr McMuffin, it was a completely new one that hopped a lift on Slinky and dropped off when Slinky reached our bed. It was not nice at all waking up to a tiny little slug lying next to me. I don't think it's very nice being so damn attractive to slugs. No complaints from me about changing the bedding.

Seeing Dutch friend was lovely, and we now have a Dutch version of Monopoly with no translation into English, so am looking forward to playing a game I normally despise, and lying to Mr McMuffin about what the cards say!

Mr McMuffin may tell you about our shock on seeing his nephew on Saturday, I shan't spoil his tale, but DNA testing might be in order.

gmail

Thought I'd better catch up with the gmail 'issue'. Just been reading about it all. Can't see any advantage to it whatsoever. My Mac Mail app allows me to search my mail easily, and I never bother with sorting or creating special folders. And I don't have to put up with ads. Want a decent email app then why not get yourself a Mac! Always thought the ads on Google were a pain, but necessary for such a good service. They are definitely not necessary for me to have user friendly email. I guess this will not stop it becoming a big success though.

this man gave us money...

This is Steve, and this man gave us money. He didn't give us much money, it has to be said, but it is a start. It has taken a while, but we are finally on our way to becoming internet millionaires. We will always remember Steve as the man who made it all possible. Sorry, Steve, we will not be able to give you any of our unearned money though, because I just cannot be doing with those begging b*stards on the internet.

Anyway, remember if you want to avoid the Christmas rush you should give us money now. Please don't let all this lovelinesss go unrewarded.

And now for the science...Our independent research has shown that people who give us money feel 15.7% better about themselves on average than people who do not. The results show that the degree of feeling better will vary according to the amount of money you give. For example, Steve feels 0.0002% better about himself, and although this doesn't seem like a lot, it has helped to put a little spring in his step.

george for president...

George W meets the future of America. I am so sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I was inspired by Retro Girl to visit George W Bush's campaign site, where you can find free wallpapers and screensavers. Click on it to see the bigger picture.

eek!

We just had a flooded kitchen. The pipe under the sink came loose and sent gallons of water all over the place. The pipe was broke but we fix it. We don't have a mop, so we had to use bath towels, which are very absorbent. The day is saved. We are now going to finish watching 'Amistad', which is very excellent.

george for president part 2...

George W meets a future voter. I just couldn't help. He is such an easy target.

george for president part 3...

Oh, that's it, for now. He is just too easy.

you'll never guess what i have been doing

I was fitting another telephone extention in the living room, sitting cross legged in the tiny space I had made behind the television. I suddenly felt very sleepy. I lowered my head onto my chest and shut my eyes...forty minutes later I woke up! How's that for odd? It is not every day you squeeze into a little space like that and then fall asleep sitting with your legs crossed. That's surely the strangest place to fall asleep...or is it?...Perhaps you know different...

result...

It is kind of hard to move on from my last post, but I guess I must...

I was sitting at home, working of course, when a little Scottish man knocked on the door to ask me if I want the rubbish in our front garden cleared. There has been rubbish in our front garden for three years. We clear it every now and then, but when we attack another room, all the rubbish goes into the front garden. He even had a little leaflet. I readily agreed to tackling an even bigger job. He and friend are now knocking down our derelict garden shed, which is nearly as big as our house, and the outside toilet. They will be finished by 4pm tomorrow, and are only charging £450! Mrs McMuffin is made up, but secretly fearful that all the rubbish will be dumped into a nature reserve somewhere. I always find it easier not to ask where they are dumping the stuff. I like to assume that they are taking it to a proper dump to be recycled! She is just a jaded old worn out cynic. This couldn't have happened at a better time, because Mrs McMuffin now has time to plant some lovely things in the garden. By the end of the summer it will be as if we never had a shed and toilet in our garden. She is talking trellis already. Not that any of this matters because I will be spending the summer with Jo.

almost looking forward to work...

...because I am so tired. It takes an awful lot of work to keep our house looking as bad as it does and we have worked this weekend. Mr McMuffin has done the cleaning and cooking (boys jobs) and I have been mowing the lawn and shifting the leftover rubbish around.

We probably feel more positive now about the house of shame than we ever have. Mr McMuffin has even stopped talking about moving, and started talking about being here for the long haul. We still have masses to do, but clearing the rubbish away made changing the outside seem as possible as changing the inside. Thank you Little Scottish man and son. You were worth every penny.

never smear...

...Mr McMuffin was a posting fool today. Good job he couldn't get a non shaky picture of the frog in our kitchen tonight or you would have been treated to more excessive use of our megabytes.

Anyway, say there was this woman who really hated going to the hairdressers, the dentists and having a smear. She has to go and see one of these people (take your guess) as she keeps getting reminders. This woman might be so frightened that she overcompensated and presented herself a day early at the doctors. She might have felt a bit stupid when she did this. She might also have had a bad day at work, decided to watch a little mindless tv and seen a show called something like 'Poor little rich girls' where a rich girl (clever title) from London swaps places with a girl from an isolated farm on the very isolated Isle of Man. So this woman is watching tv and sniggering at the farm girl's first close up of multiracial London and the stupid comments she makes. She then sees that the rich girl helps deliver a lamb by putting her arm inside a pregnant sheep. Do you think this woman feels any better about the ordeal ahead tomorrow?

It's going to be a long night.

so relaxed

It certainly was not my intention to do any blogging on holiday, but as there is an internet cafe in our apartment block, the pull was too strong.

We are both very relaxed and have stuck to our plan to do nothing more taxing than a little light strolling and cafe hopping. We´ve seen most of the island before so we´re not bothered about taking any trips out. We shall of course be returning to the botanical gardens and Monte. Mr McMuffin just loves seeing me go white and faint at the thought of getting in a cable car.

I have been very brave about flying, even when our plane was delayed by faulty hydraulics. Once we got going the flight attendant told us all that there wouldn´t be a film as the film equipment needed a spare part which hadn´t arrived on time. This was clearly not the best maintained plane I´ve been on.

Saturday night there is a big celebration and firework display so we have made a reservation at a harbour side restaurant for a good view. We ate there yesterday so we know the food is ok.

Anyway, I´m returning to my holiday as I find it a little sad to be blogging in the middle of it. Looking forward to catching up with everyone on our return. The postcards are all posted so it´s anyone´s guess when you´ll actually get them. The man in the post office stamped them very hard in obvious appreciation of the interesting location of some of the stamps on them. Don´t be surprised if they´re a little battered.

happy birthday dear mr mcmuffin...

...Happy Birthday to you! Penblwydd Hapus i ti!

I am cunning like a fox! I waited for him to go to bed so that I could wish him a birthday blog message. He thinks I'm going to be up in a few minutes but he is wrong!

I know we're still on holiday, but the weather is so awful, and we've both been a bit poorly, that it's hard to go out. I shall try to take Mr McMuffin out tomorrow but all my plans have gone a bit up in the air because of the weather/poorly thing. So my darling, when you read this have a little think about what you want to do. Don't open the presents yet! You can open one of the cards though. Just one!

here we go again...

My first day back at work after my lovely two weeks holiday. My report was not well received by the family, and the father has made several death threats against me. I had a vistor to the office who it turned out was a process server, and he presented me with a summons. I have to go to court to give evidence against a local authority that I used to work for. Although I have to admit that if I hadn't done what I done then they wouldn't be in court! I have been unable to get in touch with a couple of clients, so I decided to make unannounced visits on them. They were both in, and after a while both of them in their own way refused to speak to me. I have been at work for only 3 hours. I just don't know why I bother.

chums

Poor Mr McMuffin has had a bad day today on his first day back and I was knackered. We didn't join Gypsy Tart and Rock Cake for Monday Night Club for very long, but they had company so didn't miss us too much. Gypsy Tart had three friends from her student nursing days round and I was amazed to see these beautiful, funny women and not the drunken party girls I used to know. Of course, they were nice back then, but it is heartening to see that maturity has not dimmed their spark or their collective love of wine.

I always feel a bit nostalgic after seeing Mrs Carrot Cake and feel very lucky to have such a lovely friend who knows me so well. So that's what this post is, a celebration of chums. We've all got them, often take them for granted, but they are always there. They know us well and they still like us. Incredible.

There are also new chums, the people we meet as fully formed adults who like the way we turned out. There are chums met through chums, partners of chums and let's not forget the 'penpal chums' we blog with.

Little Slinky's fellow housemate, Ra, is not his chum. Slink loses his purr when Ra comes round and sometimes spits and hisses at him. I have to stop myself taking Slinky's side and being nasty to Ra, but I do find myself wanting to make a big fuss of him to offset his chagrin at Ra's presence. I think that is because Slinky is my chum too.

swell time...

Today mostly I have been swelling. I woke up this morning with the right side of my face all swollen from gnat bites. Mrs McMuffin quite likes the sudden appearance of cheek bones. During the course of the day I have been bitten a further three times. Both my hands have been bitten, and they are swelling nicely. I also have a bite on my neck, which fortunately is not swelling. I hate the summer. It's funny how some years I don't get bitten once, and then other years when I really am flavour of the month. Ah well, at least there is not much effort involved in swelling.

feel like i am skiving...

...even though my doctor told me to take the rest of the week off (and it's not a cat poo related illness, that would need longer to recuperate from). It's a very strange thing I've got as I feel generally knackered and then for a few hours during the day I'm staggering around because my own body is too heavy. I swear that yesterday my arms were hanging like monkey arms, because I wasn't strong enough to support their weight. I am convinced it will blow over very soon, but Mr McMuffin has been really sweet and assured me that if it really was something serious then he would leave me. Love is a many splendoured thing.

The problem with this being ill thing is that I do feel bad about my colleagues having to cope in my absence. I know they're fine because I have no problem covering for them when they're off, but it still feels wrong. I had some good news from work though, two of the weaker members of the team want to transfer. Thank the Lord for that. Despite our constant supervision of their work, I have always been frightened that I'll end up in front of some enquiry as their bad manager. It doesn't matter how much supervision they have, they don't quite 'get' the work and analysis of risk. I'd much rather supervise an inexperienced worker with a bit more about them, than these two.

Another problem is that I can't get out to have my hair cut. Just driving to the doctor's yesterday was enough to convince me that I am a danger to others at the moment. I didn't do anything terrible, but it felt like a matter of time before I did. You may recall that there is a McMuffin wedding this wekend and I would like to look my best. Mr McMuffin has it so easy. All he has to do is hire a kilt and make sure his hair doesn't touch his collar. We did consider hiring a kilt for me too, but thought that might start a war and there's enough of that going on in the world already.

Funnily enough, I'm quite looking forward to seeing everyone at the weekend. I just hope I am well because I'm going to need all my strength.

Post edited
I had another look at this and decided to cut a few bits out. I won't make a habit of this.