Mr and Mrs McMuffin

it was May Vest wot dunnit

Well Mrs Carrot Cake and I and Mr Carrot Cake's brother got the criminal, it was May Vest. This was fortunate as Mr Carrot Cake's brother is ex murder squad and I am a child protection social worker so it is reassuring to know we got it right. Mrs Carrot Cake works in the pharmaceutical industry, so you can't get one over them either. It was a fab night and I looked very nunly. The other ladies looked gorgeous too, and the men weren't too bad either. Good night poppets.

today is the day...

I have managed to spend the last year or so procrastinating about clearing the room of shame, as Mrs McMuffin likes to call it, but I have now cleared it of all the rubbish, and over the next couple of days we are going to decorate it. I got up nice and early this morning to begin the work, but noticed that there was still one or two things to do to the redesign of our blog. It is now 9.10am and I have just made a cup of coffee and am smoking my last fag before I go to the bathroom to get washed and dressed. Then I will start on the room. Mrs McMuffin feels no guilt and is soundly sleeping upstairs. The poor soul has been working her little socks off over the last couple of days helping her sister sort out her garden for the summer. It is all a bit sad that the garden needed so much effort because we used to live in that house and the garden was lovely. Mrs McMuffin transformed it over a couple of years, in fact she really transformed it over a long weekend a few years ago. We spent many a happy hour sitting in that garden.

I brought home files from work this weekend. My plan was to use yesterday to write a report, but I got the files out to start work and realised that the blog just wasn't right and needed a little bit more work. Needless to say, I didn't write the report.

I have to stop now because the longer I write the less of the room gets done. Trust me, I am a psychotherapist and I understand how these things work.

this is not us...

This is a couple called Mr and Mrs McMuffin. Not sure if that is their real name, but we found them on this fascinating photo site called my train page. It looks like it is a group of train spotters getting together. Some of them have exotic names like Fireball and AlphabetRider. And some of them are just called Jim and Jean. A real insight into the workings of this secretive organisation. Now if we could just work out why the f@*! they do it. By the way, the Mr and Mrs McMuffin in the photos are not us.

this is not how we celebrate our love...

Mrs McMuffin was rather taken with this romantic gift found in the pages of Sky Magazine. I heard her muttering, "I'd rather cut my finger off..." I might get it for her as a special surprise.

the koala defence...

CNN have reported a population explosion of Koala Bears on Kangaroo Island in Australia. There is talk of culling 20,000 of the cute little animals. All very sad, but not the point of this post. The article reminded me of the game we played one drunken night. It was some kind of murder game. Part of the game involved giving an impassioned speech defending your innocence.

Gypsy Tart, Mrs McMuffin's sister, was a little tipsy and whenever she had to make a speech she always invoked the 'Koala Defence'. She had developed this defence after seeing news reports of Koalas clinging to their trees while bush fires had raged around them. Her defence involved her holding her hands close to her face and looking forlorn, saying in a sad little voice 'burning paws, burning paws'. Somehow she won the game, we just couldn't bring ourselves to vote her out, and it turned out she had been the killer all along.

three questions...

Mrs McMuffin has accepted the Retro Girl Challenge. Retro got it from Dorothy, who got it from Joe, but then she saw it at Leslie's!

We want everyone who reads this to ask us 3 questions, no more no less. Ask us anything you want and we will answer it. Then, we want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including us) to ask you anything. Life is like a pack of cards. You play the hand you're dealt.

i'm in the money, i'm in the money...

I'm rich. Finally my boat has come in. I will probably not be posting for a while as I have so much money to spend and so little time. Thought you might like to see my good news email:

AWED INTERNATIONAL LOTTO.BV PROMO/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT.
ADDRESS: KRUISLAAN 408, 1098 SJ, AMSTERDAM - THE NETHERLANDS.
REF: AIL/7585021-47/03
BATCH: 681/75937867/HM
ATTENTION: RE / AWARD NOTIFICATION / PROCESSING ADVICE: AL

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today, 8th May, 2004 of winners of the SCIENTIFIC GAME PROMO LOTTERY; THE NETHERLANDS / INTERNATIONAL, PROGRAMS held on 17th May, 2004. Your email address attached to ticket number 89-02897893, with serial number 95020 drew the lucky numbers 14-21-33-42-49-63, and subsequently won the lottery in the 1st category. You have therefore been approved of a lump sum pay out of US$1,500,000.00 (ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS) in credited to file REF NO. AIL/7585021-47/03. This is from total prize money of US$12,500,000.00 shared among the international winners in our 1st -5th categories. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn form 25,000 company email addresses and 30,000,000 individual email addresses from Australia, New Zealand, America, Europe, North America and Asia as part of International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually.CONGRATULATIONS! Your funds is now in custody of a financial Security company insured in your FILE REFERENCE. Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program. This lottery program was promoted by our group of philanthropist headed by Mr. Bill Gates. We hope with part of your prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes US$10,000,000 million Dollars International Lottery in the year 2005.
To begin your claim, please contact your file/claim officer: MR.KONAN ARMSTRONG,of AWED INTERNATIONAL LOTTO.BV (AMSTERDAM - THE NETHERLANDS). On TEL: 0031-620675783.

Please be informed that NON RESIDENCE of THE NETHERLANDS will be required to procure an Affidavit of Lotto Claim/Court clearance certificate from the Court in the Netherlands prior to award payment policy of The Netherlands Gaming Board as required by the paying Authority.

Please be aware that your Paying Authority will Effect Payment Swiftly upon satisfactory Report, Verifications and validation provided by this processing Agent. For due processing and remittance of your winning prize to designated account of your choice, please treat as urgent. Remember, all prize money must be claimed NOT LATER than 17th MAY, 2004. After this date, all funds will be returned as unclaimed.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delay and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every one of your correspondences with your agent. Furthermore, should there be any change of your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations once again from our team of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program. Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is AUTOMATICALY DISQUALIFIED.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Iris Hans.
(Lottery Coordinator

Now, where are my bank details...

i'm in the money part 2

I just don't believe it. I immediately emailed my bank details to the "SCIENTIFIC GAME PROMO LOTTERY; THE NETHERLANDS / INTERNATIONAL, PROGRAMS", but my email has been returned. The address couldn't be found. You'd think a big organisation like that would have it's email sorted. I was hoping to collect my winnings quickly, but I guess I'll have to phone them now.

we are hardly evil at all...

I think this is the final seal of approval I was looking for. This site is now officially not very evil, which means that we have finally got rid of the blogdemon once and for all. I got this from David TEFLSmiler, who got it from Blinger, who got it from Katolik Shinja, who now appears to have their very own blogdemon.

this is evil...

This is Nick Berg, and on Saturday 8 May 2004 he had his head hacked off. The men who did it claimed to be some kind of freedom fighters. They say they are fighting against American oppression. Apparently they have posted a video of them cutting thru his neck. I haven't seen the film, but I have been haunted by the thought of it all day. I have found myself constantly thinking about what it would be like to have my head cut off. I have sympathy with people around the world who genuinely fight for freedom. The only problem I have is that the men who are able to do this sort of thing are no longer able to appreciate what they claim to be fighting for. They have truly become monsters, and they live in a world where all human life is meaningless. They have stripped themselves of all capacity to empathise with other people, and in doing so they have lost all possible connections with others and the world around them. They may think they feel a sense of comradeship with the others who carried out this terrible act, but that is a sham feeling. These are men truly living in the abyss. They are mad people in a very real way, in that they no longer have a sense of themselves in the world, a sense of themselves which is reflected by the people around them with whom they have emotional connections. I can't imagine what they are going to do next.

gag the man

Mr McMuffin can hardly shut up these days. He even phoned me at work to tell me about the 'Little Scottish Man', but failed to mention the undeniable lust wave! He's off work tomorrow, so I shall be smelling his clothes to see if they reek of aftershave.

My life is full of nasty work and tiredness at the moment, so I am pleased that he is 'keeping regular' so I don't have to. I would love to talk about some of the people who are pissing me off, but fear that it may come back on me some day.

I took the Evil quiz just now and I am merely 'twisted', so am wrongly accused of contributing evil to this site. I'm going to bed now and to show how good I am will read 'Heidi' (just to see if it's as vomitous as I remember). Night night.

my daddy's knives...

We had a new visitor to our site, and I thought I'd have a look at their site in return. It's not really a blog, more a personal site, but filled with interesting stuff. I came across this page with photos of the knives that doc lee had made, and they reminded me of my own dear pappy, who has made knives and guns for as long as I can remember. I am a useless photographer and I haven't done them justice, but I think you can get some idea of how impressive they are. They are completely hand made. Cut from stainless steel with a hacksaw, and held in a vice while he filed them into shape, and polished them.

The top knife is an 18" Bowie knife, presented to me and Mrs McMuffin on our wedding day, and the bottom one is based on a knife made by an American maker called Randall. It is a sight I will never forget, three young boys carrying the Bowie knife into the room held high in it's presentation box, as if it was a coffin, so that we could use to cut our wedding cake. We had to have two goes at cutting the cake, because at our first attempt, my sister, who had made the cake, whispered to me, "if you cut that cake, I'll faint." This was the first cake of this size that she had ever done, and she had spent the past month icing the thing, and apparently it nearly cost her marriage.

I always remember our house being filled with iron filings as a child. They got everywhere. My dad could never afford a proper workshop, and always ended up taking over a room, or on one occasion a corner of our living room! Over the years I have played with most weapons and, surpringly perhaps, I never once did myself any harm. I remember my dad and his friend once having a drunken sword fight. My dad had a broadsword and his friend had a samurai sword, and by good luck they did not kill each other. It was very exciting though!

When I was younger my dad used to collect firearms. They were all illegal, of course. We always had people around the house trying to sell him guns or to just show off their latest purchase. My dad tells me that when I was about three, a friend of his gave me a Beretta to play with. It was only after I had taken it apart that he revealed that it had been loaded. He gave up the guns when one that he sold someone was used to kill someone in a pub one Saturday night. I guess the guilt was just too much for him.

He was also fascinated with the wild west, and this came together nicely with his love of guns. He learned how to do quick draw, and he started making belts and holsters. For a couple of years, it was my job to snap a belt in front of him, so that he could practice getting the gun in the loop of the belt before it closed. He was very, very fast. In fact, the fella who gave me the Beretta was some kind of Scottish champion, and my dad was faster.

And there was the card tricks, but I shall keep that for another time...

the get rich quick scheme...

Our great internet get rich quick scheme is no more. I have removed the links from our site. Not because we have suddenly acquired a sense of decency or some such thing, but only because it was a miserably failure. We received only one donation of 10p (thanks Steve). I can't believe that one of those companies who invested billions in the likes of Amazon, couldn't see the potential in our scheme. It just goes to show that being lovely has to be its own reward, because there certainly isn't any money in it.

even spammers have friends...

I am in a bit of a quandary. We received some spam, and it looks like it was sent by our friends in Australia. They seem to have set up some kind of internet company selling stuff. This is what they said:

Hi all, the following information is HOT! Do you own a mobile phone? Do you know two people who own a mobile phone? You can cut your phone bills down by 2 thirds and make money by doing so. You could be on your way to earning a large residual/passive income for the rest of your life!

The following website is the doorway to your dreams.

www.blahblahblah/giveusyourmoney.com

Take a look and if you have any questions let us know. We have spent the last week looking into this business opportunity and find it to be all above board and very exciting.

Hope to hear from you soon, either directly through the website or as a reply to this email.

John & Mary
giveusyourmoney

Looks like spam to me. Now I wanted just to bounce it back, but of course I don't want them to think that our email address is dead. I also would like to tell them to fuck off, take our name of their address list, and never bother us again, but they are our friends, and very nice people. There is something very cynical and very unfriendly about this, but it is hard to put my finger on it.

I shall move into Carrie Bradshaw mode now, "what do we do when spammers are our friends?"

By the way, I have changed their names and the link they sent. I didn't even visit it. That'll teach them.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 31 May 2004 at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

hanging my head...

I suddenly feel very self-conscious about posting big photos. I feel a little bit guilty about all those people with only a dial-up connection trying to view our site.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 1 June 2004 at 10:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I'm talking now...

...and not swearing with every other word that comes out of my mouth. I am so tired and there a few more bits to do, but I'm not doing them, to hell with it.

My court clothes are looking a bit old now and seeing as I'm going to a bench, I thought a nice twin set might get them on my side. Unfortunately I can't find my a set that doesn't need either the jumper or the cardi washing and I seem to have lost another set. Oh well, the slinky Jaspar Conran one it is (in the sale from Debenhams of course-I don't earn that much!).

Night night. Well morning really.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 3 June 2004 at 01:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

here I come to save the day...

... Tis I, the fairer McMuffin wanting to tell the world that we had no problem in court today and I didn't even have to give evidence! I have never had to give evidence for more than 15 minutes in any court case I've been involved in and I've never failed to get an order. I would like to think this is because I am so eminently persuasive that the respondents see no option but not to contest, but I am probably just very lucky.

So this evening my whole team set out to remove four children with the Police Child Protection Team and seven uniformed officers. What is wrong with people at the moment? Stop abusing your children, we don't want them to suffer and we bloody hate the work it entails. Enough about work I think.

Mr McMuffin's new toy is driving me mad and keeps popping up all the time. I'm going to remove it. Oh well, back to court then.

Mr McMuffin has hired 'Mystic River' and I'm hoping I can keep my eyes open long enough to watch it, as I hear it's good. Mr McMuffin is now boring me with the cast list so I'm going back to court to have him removed, well, his larynx for a start.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 3 June 2004 at 08:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

our new cat...

Thought you might like to see a picture of Ra. I took this last night, and the light was not very good, but I have played with photoshop and you can make him out now. He is lovely, although why he has decided after 4 years to visit us is a bit of a mystery. I think our lovely neighbour must have taken to poking him with sharpened 4H pencils too. How else can you explain it?

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 4 June 2004 at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

woman market...

Can anyone guess what these people are selling? I think the special offer is buy two and get one free.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 6 June 2004 at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

i give up...

I just can't stand it anymore. My will to live is slowly being sucked from my body. There is just no use pretending that I am working anymore. I thought I would have a quick look around the blogging world, and then go home. I wonder if the weather is nice enough to sit outside with a glass of wine. I am missing our Monday night drinking sessions.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 28 June 2004 at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

it's a mistake...

to stay up drinking limoncello with your sister until the early hours and all the other guests have left and her partner has been sleeping on the settee for hours and then have a long nap the next day and then stay up reading and drinking coffee and then go to bed and get howled at by Slink so come downstairs with him and open the back door and Ra comes in and then not feel tired so sit in front of the Mac wideawake at 2am and write a post without any punctuation

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 4 July 2004 at 02:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

smack attack

"12 European countries have made it illegal for parents to spank their children -- Austria, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Iceland, Latvia, Norway, Romania, Sweden, and Ukraine. Spanking is also prohibited in Israel and the Supreme Court of Italy banned corporal punishment in families in 1996."

Today the House of Lords have voted to restrict the use of 'reasonable chastisement' and it will be illegal to bruise, scratch or redden (transitory reddening is not illegal) children's skin or use implements to hit them. For most of us, this does not go far enough, but for some seriously fucked up people this represents the workings of a 'Nanny State' and is a bad thing.

Some people are concerned that this will mean that 'Loving Parents' will be thrown into prison. I can tell you that my team and our local Police Child Protection Team have always considered damaging a child or using an implement on them to cause damage, child abuse. I cannot remember any parents ever being imprisoned for this level of abuse and it is unusual even when bones are broken. 'Loving Parents' can lose control and can harm their children. 'Loving Partners' can lose control and harm their partners. When it's adults we call it (domestic) abuse. Why can't everyone agree to call it child abuse when it happens to children?

Sadly, there isn't a child in the McMuffin household to practise on. Slinky will have to stand in. When he screams at me at 4.30am tomorrow morning I am going to 'smack' him (without causing damage or anything other than a transitory reddening of his skin) to teach him not to do this in future. As he is a cat, he cannot be reasoned with, but he must learn that this behaviour is wrong.

I suspect that if I really were to do this, Slinky would not come round again (children don't have this luxury) and Mr McMuffin would divorce me. However, I would have the satisfaction that comes from knowing I have taught Slinky right from wrong and that Mr McMuffin is a soft hearted, woolly liberal who would have young Slinky growing up to be a criminal or drug addict. Sometimes it's a lonely, but righteous path I walk.

update

Slinky did not yell last night. I wonder why.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 8 July 2004 at 11:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

stop lurking...

MS GINGER CAKE...STOP LURKING AND COMMENT.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 2 August 2004 at 09:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

it has been a good day...

I am sitting here boiling in this heat. Had my second bath of the day, but it doesn't seem to have done much good. Once I had changed into my lovely linen, I felt cool for a few moments. But I had to go out to do a bit of shopping, and I was subjected to the heat. In fact, as it turned out, I didn't buy anything from the shop. I went to our local Co-op, and they didn't seem to have any fresh food, so I decided to make do with what I already had.

I was up at the Royal Courts of Justice for most of the day, even had the opportunity to give evidence for an hour or so. I had the strangest experience while I was in the witness stand. One of the Barristers was asking me a 'what if the judge decides' kind of questions. It is a long story, but he wanted to know if I would change my mind about the risks to the children if the Judge decided that the child had "erroneously" alleged they had been sexually abused by their father. I said that it wouldn't make any difference to what I thought, and the Judge turned to me and said, "so you think I would be wrong?" Now, it is not often that you get the chance to say this, but I said, "Yes I think you would be wrong." The Judge and I then shared a sneaky laugh together!

I think I came out of it looking good. The Barrister who asked the queston was very unhappy with me. For some reason he seemed to think that I supported his client.

I love going to court.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 5 August 2004 at 07:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

buy mcmuffin loveliness

You can now buy a little bit of mcmuffin loveliness for yourself. I have set up a CafePress shop to flog fantastic items such as this dog t-shirt. Why would anyone in their right mind buy their dog a t-shirt? That little quibble aside, I hope you buy lots and lots of them, and that you will make us very rich. Even though it is a bit strange, I wouldn't mind, too much, being known as the man who made his £millions from selling dog t-shirts through CafePress. Oh, and the ladies can also buy themselves a thong with a cute little picture of the muffins on it. Remember, it is important that you SPEND, SPEND, SPEND. If I was you, I would buy at least two of everything. You never know when you might need to give someone that special gift of a dog t-shirt or a thong.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 7 August 2004 at 03:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

i'm a bit slow

It has taken a while, but finally the penny has dropped. The mailorderhusbands.net site is a joke. A very fine joke indeed. I am reminded of that old saying: fool me once, and the joke is on me, fool me twice, and I must be very, very stupid...

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 9 August 2004 at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

just saw something funny

I am sitting at the dining table checking blogs, when I heard a strange tap, tap, tap noise coming from outside. I looked out of the window and saw a very old woman, with a walking stick, looking at the weed infested front bit to our house. It is too small to call it a front garden. She then tap, tap, tapped away down the lane. A couple of minutes later, I heard the now familiar noise. It stopped outside the window, and I could hear a strange rustling sound. Like the secret agent I was born to be, I spied out of the window to see what was going on. The old woman was pulling up weeds. She gathered a big clump of the things, put them in her carrier bag, and went tap, tap, tapping on her way up the lane. When I went outside to take this photo, I realised that when she first stopped she must have been looking at these, debating with herself whether to take some of them. Clearly she was just too honest, and opted to take a few of the prettiest weeds instead. I wish I'd realised. She could have taken whatever she wanted. If I see her again, I'll cut her some to take home.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 14 August 2004 at 09:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

i feel so used

As you know, we have decided that the only way to ensure that we did not drown in a sea of pee and poo during the cat wars that have been waged in and around our house by Slink and Ra was to not let Ra in. We have been diligent in our efforts over the last three of four weeks, always thanking God that Ra was too dim to have worked out the climbing in the open window trick that Slinky mastered years ago. However, this afternoon, as I worked quietly on my report, which is not going well by the way, Ra climbed in the kitchen window and made a beeline for Slinky's food. I chased him out, of course. But he has now returned. I gave in, of course, and have fed him. He is sitting on the chair next to me cleaning himself in preparation for a nice little nap. Oh God, what will Slink think when he has returned from his afternoon constitutional? I just don't know what to do. Although, a bin liner and a couple of house bricks do come, perhaps too easily, to mind. I know realise that Ra is the consequence for us stealing our neighbour's cat.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 18 August 2004 at 04:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

sshh...

UPDATE: Sshh...Ra is sleeping.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 18 August 2004 at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

baiting him...

Hey, I am now in communication with David Okoro, our favourite email scammer. We have exchanged a couple of emails and I am please to announce that he has said that my last email "went a long way to indicate to me of  your trasparency." I'll keep you informed about how I get on. I just hope that I don't end up selling Mrs McMuffin so that I can raise the cash to invest in his excellent business opportunities. I shall miss her. Do you know, she guessed both twists of M. Night Shyamalan's The Village, which was a very good film, by the way.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 21 August 2004 at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

the bell tolls for thee...

Kirsty has got me thinking about 11 September 2001, and the terrible events that took place in New York on that day. I can't quite understand why this is an event that warrants a world response: world mourning, or world commemoration any more. I don't know if it is possible to put the deaths of 5000 people into perspective, but this site certainly takes a shot at it. So does this one.

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

John Donne For whom the bell tolls

I guess that helps to answer my question.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 12 September 2004 at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

cooking with mrs mcmuffin

This weekend I am mostly going to be trying to avoid giving Mrs McMuffin any advice about cooking for our guests tomorrow night. I have decided that I am not going to be doing any shopping for the meal or have anything to do with its preparation. I am going to do nothing but a bit of tidying up. This will be a real test of our relationship. Mrs McMuffin has gradually allowed me to take over all cooking and shopping duties in our little house on the hill. I am not sure she still knows where anything in the kitchen goes anymore, partly that's her fault because she will insist on hiding storing things in odd places to teach me a lesson for buying more kitchen stuff. I do know that she does not have a clue how to work our less than wonderful oven, which doesn't have any temperature marks on it anymore. I usually just cook everything on full blast and keep an eye on it. I am sure the meal will taste great, but I just know that tomorrow will be a trial for us both. If we don't have a big row about 6.00pm tomorrow night I will be very surprised. The good news is that we will probably have made up before Mr and Mrs Carrot Cake arrive so we will all have a lovely evening.

I am ashamed to tell you that a little bit of me wants her to know how much work is involved in preparing a nice meal for people. I know that I make it look relatively easy and I really enjoy doing it, but it is hard work. I am not convinced that she believes that because all she sees is the pleasure that I get from it all. Does this make me a bad person? I wonder if Mrs Carrot Cake feels the same? Maybe that was why we decided that our respective partners should cook next time we got together.

Please don't tell Mrs McMuffin that I've been talking about her.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 24 September 2004 at 05:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

there can only be one

Can you imagine what it must be like living in our house. Two visionaries with exceptional verbal skills! I can tell you it's not pretty at times.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 25 September 2004 at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

George is wonderful

You have got to hear this. Dave over at Kermit the Blog has posted this amazing Tribute to G W Bush. Never mind about his military service, this man clearly has some kind of learning difficulty. I'd worry about that. This is why I love America, with enough money you can overcome any obstacle to becoming the leader of the free world.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 25 September 2004 at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

oh my god...

I don't believe it...I just threw a glass of red wine over Mrs McMuffin's lovely table. The guests haven't even arrived yet. She has taken it very well, and I have managed to clear most of it up. I am pretty sure that it really was an accident, but I guess I will have to talk with my therapist about it when I next see her.

Posted by mr mcmuffin on 25 September 2004 at 08:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

margaret hassan

It seems as if Margaret Hassan has been killed by her captors. I am not suggesting that her life had more value than any of the other citizens of Iraq killed in this war, but to single her out to die seems especially perverse considering her dedication to her fellow citizens and appears to be all about her colour.

Posted by mrs mcmuffin on 16 November 2004 at 08:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

proper health information

Warning to Steve, this post contains information about women's bodily functions.

I've lost count of the times women at work have moaned to me about their periods only for me to find out that they're on the pill. When I suggest that they might want to do something about it, they look at me as if I'm mad. This explains what I've been trying to for years.

We try to keep this blog nice and fluffy, but sometimes I find myself becoming irate over some of the things I read at this excellent blog. Can you bloody believe it?

Rant over, let's have a picture of a slinky cat.

Posted by mrs mcmuffin on 21 November 2004 at 06:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)