cuddles

Mr McMuffin is besotted by our cuddly and clingy child and wishes he was a bit more like this when well. I have to say that Babycake is a lot easier to manage when poorly, although I could do without the night waking. He's definitely on the mend, but we've had to put off his MMR for the fourth time and we'll probably get another snotty letter from the Practice Manager, the kind they reserve for feckless and neglectful parents. Oh well, if the shoe fits.

Do you know that I have not had an undisturbed night's sleep since Babycake was born? No wonder I have the skin of a 90 year old and the tolerance of a toddler. I rarely lose my rag at work and have acquired a reputation for calmness and helpfulness in a crisis (honestly, family and friends, I really have). However I have lost some of my patience since Babycake was born and as a result have found a lot of unreasonable people work in my organisation. It was fine when I was constantly pleasant, but show a little spark and they're gunning for you.

Anyway, I experienced the other side of nice on the management programme and both Ms Ginger Cake and I were bitching about the evilness of the other students in our group. So when I got a stupid group email from one of them and forwarded it to Ms Ginger Cake with snotty comments, I was just getting it out of my system. Unfortunately I confused the forward and reply all buttons and didn't notice until Ms Ginger Cake replied to me asking if I had really meant to send it. After a few moments of screaming and desperately trying to recall the email, I broke out in a cold sweat and just accepted that I'd have a lot of aplogising to do. When Ms Ginger Cake rang me to commiserate, I hadn't even begun to calm down, before she confessed to faking up the whole thing.

What kind of friend does a thing like that? It was pure brilliance. The gauntlets are now off. Ms Ginger Cake, you have been warned. Speaking of friends, Mr McMuffin and I are hoping to emerge from our virtual and real seclusion and engage with adults every now and then. The fact that we were able to post from Paris suggests that we have been very lazy and it really is time to get on with blogging or stop paying the subscription.

I forgot to mention that we visited the Picasso museum and the only thing that attracted my attention was the baboon sculpture, as it looked just like Babycake clinging to me in his sling (although I do have a smaller arse than mummy baboon). The museum was such a disappointment, as I really had been looking forward to visiting, having heard how great it was, but c'est la vie. I wouldn't recommend it unless you're superfan and let's face it, who is? Babycake attracted superfan status and became an icon to four twenty something Japanese lads. One, a professional photogapher took his picture when he was running next to the Pompidou centre and the other three asked if they could have their picture taken with him in a cafe. They were all very sweet and there's a bit of me that is delighted that pictures of Babycake will be shown off to complete strangers in Japan and stories told of his cuteness.

bit of a roll

Yes, me again. I've not had a bad day at all, despite the early morning alarm that is Babycake going off far too early. I got a belated birthday package from my oldest friend in Australia today, which includes the sights, sounds and tastes of my childhood. My friend went to boarding school, so before the advent of email we actually used to write those letter thingies and she had kept some of them and copied them to me. My life as a horrible teenager was laid bare, there seemed to be lots of swearing, being bored, occasionally getting drunk and less occasionally 'getting off' (in my day this meant snogging) with boys. I was many miles removed from the fantasy witty teen of film and book and so totally uncool it's actually rather sweet. I wrote neatly, drew well and had an undeveloped humour which veered to the dark side. I would really like the teenage me if I met her now.

In other news, Babycake has gone from completely gorgeous to partial teen horror and has learned to do that horrible, wriggly, twisty thing that children do and scream and squeal in a tiny tantrum. It's vile and I thought we'd have a bit longer with the compliant, happy baby before toddler puberty hit. Having said that, he's still totally wonderful, even if I sometimes wonder if a demon is inhabiting his miniscule frame.

I have also passed an assignment for my course with flying colours and I am so pleased. I thought it was crap, but apparently it wasn't. Hurrah, this is a very good day indeed.

internetting

I found this through Gizmodo. It's a video of a 1993 news report on the internet. I just can't believe that the internet has been with us for so little time. It seems to have been a part of my life forever. I can well remember the excitement I felt when I connected for the first time and had a conversation with an old man in Canada. I was fortunate to be a late comer and never had to suffer 28k connections. No, I had a new fangled 56k modem, which chirped and bleeped as it made it's way down the information superhighway, as Clive James used to say. Nowadays it is all so much part of my life that recently I couldn't agree to change ISP back to BT because they told me that I would be without a connection for a week. Deep down inside I know there is something wrong with that, but who cares. I love the internet.

a little light music

Am I the only one who finds the background music on the Sky programme guide very relaxing? For those of you who haven't heard it, they play two or three different short loops of music that sounds like it came from a video game. I love it. Don't tell Mrs McMuffin, but sometimes I just sit with it playing in the background. It is all very soothing.

babycino

Babycake and I made our daily pilgrimage to our local Costa Coffee. I'm sure Babycake thinks that he lives in that place. He gets really excited as we approach the door, and everyone who works there knows him. In fact I hardly exist for them. One of the workers told me a couple of weeks ago that they talk about me as the man with the really cute baby. Today, one of the workers, a particular favourite of Babycake, brought him a Babycino on the house. This is a expresso cup filled with frothy milk with a coco dusting. On the side he had added a couple of marshmallows and a little flake. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Babycake doesn't drink cows milk or have chocolate, and he certainly couldn't possibly eat one of those sugar bomb things. Anyway after Babycake had his lunch I gave him a couple of spoons of the frothy milk. Unsurprisingly, he loved it. So much so that when I stopped he started banging the table for more. I even gave him a little bit of the flake, which he ate without passing comment, but come on, who doesn't like a nice flake. I have no idea where this post is going. In fact, it is going nowhere...

a bit of advice

The next time you are cutting veg with a very big, and very sharp, knife, be careful. I managed to slice a huge chunk off the top of my thumb the other day. It wasn't big enough to start worrying about having it stiched back on. In fact, I just picked up the bit of flesh and chucked in it the bin. But, it did bleed for a very long time and for a second I did think about whether I needed to go to hospital. Just be careful out there.

cave baby

Babycake is a very big baby, he is tall and strongly built and this makes him appear older than he is. While he's quite advanced in the whole demanding area of walking, he's not hopping about like some of the two year olds he towers over. He has the air of a Neanderthal among the little Homo Sapiens. He so wants to be friends with these older children, but most of them are terrified of his enthusiastic advances and hide behind their parents' legs. Today, he managed to scare a four year old girl (pathetic child that she was) with his 'hello, how are you growls' and happy whooping.

He's also completely attached to his plastic golf club and will not let go of it, even sleeping with his arm curled protectively around it. He likes to use it as a walking stick, a brake for his pushchair and I suspect has fantasies of becoming a polo player, as he likes to brandish it at speed. While he may not be a hit with the little children, men and older boys love his extraversion and women love his charming smiles. At least when he goes to school and the other children run from him, the teachers will think he's sweet. Poor little chap.

phew

Mr McMuffin took Babycake to playgroup and the other, older children were not afraid of him. Apparently the other parents were quite nice to Mr McMuffin too, in contrast to my experience of being completely ignored when I went to the same playgroup. Either Mr McMuffin is friendlier than me (that is such an amusing idea) or a man with a baby gets automatic approval.

Babycake has also pioneered a new diet, we're hoping it will be the Atkins of the noughties. Basically, you can eat anything, as long as you can spear it on your forefinger. So far it's driving us a bit mad, but the boy is thriving.

love gods way

Ms Ginger Cake drew our attention to a fantastic site called Love Gods Way. I thought it was a joke to start with, but it's for real. I particularly enjoyed the Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People (C.H.O.P.S) section. Donnie Davies, who used to be Gay but is now ordinary, I think, helpfully lists Gay bands that we must ensure that our son never hears just in case he turns out to be Gay. I am most concerned by Mrs McMuffin's attempts to subvert this useful work by trying to create a Gay son, someone to take her shopping in her old age. She has been playing Gay music to him all day.

babcake looking too cute

Not the best photo in the world, I'm afraid, but he just looks so deliciously cute in his little Jasper Conran pyjamas.

babycake's first second day at playgroup

He was so excited about being around the other children, but poor soul didn't have a clue what to do with them. Although he did give a couple of them great big wet kisses, which was quite sweet.

damn damn damn

Thank you very much Colin for letting the whole world know that I am a feeble minded idiot. Of course, it's a hoax. Any feeble minded idiot can see that. In fact, if I had only spent some time reading Donnie Davies' personal site then I would have worked that out. Damn.

tourdefrance

In July, I shall be able to throw eggs at the competitors as they cycle past the end of my street, some twenty feet from McMuffin mansions. I shan't really throw eggs, but I could.

NSPCC: are they trying to con us out of cash by dredging out tales of child abuse to direct us away from the fact that they run a help line and a few post abuse services, leaving it largely to Local Authorities to do all the work?

Just a question prompted by an unsolicited begging letter that arrived through my door this morning.

we went out

Yes, that's right, Mr McMuffin and I went to the cinema on Sunday afternoon. We watched 'Premonition' with Sandra Bullock and it entertaining right up until the last minute (and I really do mean the last 60 seconds) which transformed the film from quite good, to crap.

Ms Gypsy Tart looked exhausted from her couple of hours with the boy and pleased to hand him back, although they'd had a nice time and been to the park. For his part, Babycake just adores her and we think it might be because we are quite similar in voice and mannerisms. We'll test this out in a couple of weeks when big sister and brood come down south to visit and see if the boy responds to her in the same way.

apple TV

Apple TV was released into the wild a couple of days ago. I thought I wanted one, but now, having learned more about it, I NEED one. I have been following the clever exploits of the hackers, and it turns out this little machine is wide open, almost, to change. The hard drive has been already upgraded. It can now play Xvid, and a bunch of people are working on trying to get the finder.app working, although Apple have taken it out by design. It appears, to people much cleverer and skillful than me, that this is a proper little Mac computer with half-decent specs. I can't do any of this stuff myself but I can certainly follow in their footsteps. I want a sliver of a machine that is networked, plays HD movies, and allows me to browse the internet and send emails from my TV. That's all I am asking for. All that for £199. Now that seems like a bargain. I am trying to persuade Mrs McMuffin that I need to buy one today. I'll let you know how I get on.

When I first read about this little machine, it looked good, but a little underpowered. I now realise that this must be part of Apple's strategy. Produce something that the less techie people can use straight out of the box, and the more techie people can customise to their hearts content. Apple could easily have locked a lot of the features, but for some reason have decided not to. This appears to be one of the most hackable devices that has appeared in ages. It is clear from the forums that this little box is really going to hit Microsoft hard. All those people out their who have hacked their XBox will want to get one. What would you prefer: a 7"x7"x1" sliver of Apple goodness or a monolithic monster bit of plastic under your TV.

our street once more

I haven't written about our street in a long time, but I don't know if you remember that Jen bought no. 83 (Will Self's old place) and had been living there quite happily until the rumours started that Brad 'n' Ange were going to move into the house that Brad 'n' Jen used to share. Anyway, Jen got very upset and made a few comments about what else 'that stupid slag' might want of hers and made plans to move out straight away. She told Gypsy Tart that much as she loves the neighbourhood, she doesn't want to hang around and see the 'happy family' parading round and showing off. We shall miss her, she's a nice girl and all the kids round here are very fond of her, as she never moans at them when their footballs hit her little Citroen C1.

Last Friday Jen moved on to a little flat in Hither Green (don't ask how she ended up buying a place there) and is very happy with it and the fact that she has her own off road allocated parking space. It is a nice place and she's not let her love of floral fabrics overwhelm the space. On Saturday, Brad, Ange, Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh and Pax moved in to his old two up two down. I have to say that we were all quite pleased to see Brad again as he's a nice chap and we have missed seeing him around. However, all the time he was chatting to us Ange didn't say a word, just pouted and clung to his arm while the kids ran riot.

So Sunday arrived and there's Brad out in the garden building some kind of altar. All Mr McMuffin could get out of him was that it was for Ange. When I said it was probably for practicing her dark arts, Mr McMuffin immediately sprang to her defence and went on about how misunderstood she is. And so it begins...next thing I know she'll have run off with him. Tart! So I did make some efforts to befriend her and spent half an hour listening to how great her 'rainbow' family are. When she found out that Babycake was born with a Mongolian blue spot and noticed his golden complexion, she obviously decided that he was sufficiently interesting and practically wrestled him off me.

By Sunday night, the neighbouring kids were calling her 'chitty chitty bang bang' as they said she was like the child snatcher. Monday morning we heard Ange calling the name 'Aleiki' and then noticed that there were five little kids with her in the garden. Next thing it's all gone crazy and there's Mrs Mhlanga slapping Ange stupid and grabbing little Mzili by the wrist and threatening to call the police. Brad smoothed things over and assured Mrs Mhlanga that he'd get Ange psychiatric help and took her inside and we heard them having a blazing row. I'd like to say that I offered help and support, but in reality I got straight on the phone to Jen and then the papers. Well what would you do?

babycake insisted

"daddy, daddy, why don't you buy yourself an Apple TV? Daddy, daddy, go on you know you deserve one for being such a good daddy." I protested, but in the end had to agree with him. So, I've got us an Apple TV. First impressions are very, very favourable. Of course, I knew I would get one in the end, and I have been playing around with the best way to rip our movies in preparation for the great day. Last night, I ripped a copy of King Kong using Handbrake, now known as Mediafork. I followed a tutorial I found online. I ended up with a near perfect copy of the film that played beautifully. However, the whole process took about 9 hours to complete. The film looks fantastic played through Apple TV. I also ripped another copy in plain ol' MP4. It took an hour or so and it also looks great. Not as great, but certainly the compromise on quality, which is not a lot, is worth the mind-numbing amount of time that I saved. I can't wait to play with it some more.