scream

Yell have got to be stupid. Yellowikis is not likely to be mistaken for them. Go see for yourself.

freedom

Today is the day. Ms Gypsy Tart and Ms Ginger Cake are going to babysit for us for the whole day. They're doing it together because they're terrified that they are going to break him. We're off to have a long lunch and to go and see a movie. We have decided to see The Break Up, even though the reviews aren't great. But, who cares? The important thing is that we are getting to spend time by ourselves. This is the first time we have had alone for about six months. As lovely as Babycake is, and he is very, very lovely, he is a bit like a breach in the space/time continuum. There is just not time for ourselves. I hardly get the chance to look at the computer anymore, unless he is bouncing on my lap, cooing at the wall. He really has taken to the painted brick wall next to where we keep the computer. I'm sure he is admiring the texture of the brick, the way the light plays upon the white paint, creating shadows in the nooks and crannies of the rough wall.

I've left Babycake and Mrs McMuffin sleeping upstairs. I sneaked off to have a cup of coffee and some time on the computer. Is that bad of me? Got to go now because I can hear movement. See you later.

sweet

Aah, Mr McMuffin thought we were sleeping. As if we could, it's practically midday in Babycake's schedule. He's spent a good fifty minutes burbling and kicking already and if I'm not mistaken, those grunting noises indicate a big poo has arrived.

a lovely day

We had a lovely day yesterday. While Babycake was being cared for by the wonderful Ms Gypsy Tart and Ms Ginger Cake, Mrs McMuffin and I went off to have lunch and see a movie. Lunch was leisurely and the movie, The Break Up, was much, much better than either of us expected. Jen and Vince make such a lovely couple, although I can understand why Brad dumped her. Jen is such a manipulative, scheming bitch. I think we were supposed to feel sympathy for her, but I couldn't help thinking that Vince should have dumped her years ago. I'd give the movie ★★★/5.

The only problem with going off without the baby for the first time was that he proved to be the main topic of our conversation. Mrs McMuffin was definitely more anxious about the whole thing than I was, but I kept having little visions of the poor soul crying his eyes out and Ms Gypsy Tart and Ms Ginger Cake pulling their hair out in despair. None of this proved true. In fact, they were even more enamoured by his sweet natured loveliness than before, and there was a bit of a struggle to get him back from them.

I forgot to mention earlier in the week, Babycake is now the proud owner of a British Passport and is free to travel the world. Mrs McMuffin and I have been debating where to go for his first trip abroad. I was voting for Istanbul, but Mrs McMuffin has vetoed that because they might not have first class, European style, health care should Babycake fall ill. That seems just a little bit silly to me, but I am bowing to her maternal anxiety, this time. It is looking like we have almost agreed to do the transeurope train journey that we talked about a couple of years ago - taking in Paris, Berlin and Warsaw. I guess that is some consolation, but I really want to go to Istanbul.

The other good news is that we have finally joined that special group of adults with proper grown up garden furniture. We have got ourselves some beautiful untreated teak furniture from ILVA, which has just opened it's first UK store not far from us. The shop is a wonderful, beautifully designed, space. We have been twice since it opened last week. I suppose it is really only an upmarket IKEA, but the garden stuff is lovely. We didn't get most of our stuff from ILVA, we got it from the local Co-op, who imported it before the store opened, and then couldn't sell it because it was so expensive. We finally bought it for a third of it's usual price, although we did have to pay three delivery charges because Mrs McMuffin couldn't agree to me spending all that money in one go. First of all I bought the table, which she thought was lovely, so she agreed to me buying a bench, which she thought was lovely, so she then agreed to me buying five carver chairs. Yesterday we finished the whole deal with a fantastic, huge, aluminum, parasol from the store.

I have forgotten to mention that the ILVA store is in absolute chaos. It's beautiful and there are literally hundreds of staff wandering around, only stopping to chant good morning to passing customers. I must have been wished a good day by at least 20 workers while I was in the shop. It took them at least an hour to track down all the components for the parasol. It was painful to watch those bright eyed young people trying to make sense of a computer system they had only learned how to use, and whose masters had decided, as a cruel joke, to leave huge chunks of data in the original Danish. It was painful, but I wanted that parasol. At the checkout, Ms Gypsy Tart, who was with us, got into a weird conversation with the worker serving her. When Ms Gypsy Tart asked her if she was enjoying her new job, the girl became glassy eyed and smiled. She then began to tell Ms Gypsy Tart about how wonderful ILVA were, and how they had taken her to Denmark, and how they were RIGHT, and people did deserve the very best quality and service...she could see that now. It all kind of freaked out Ms Gypsy Tart, who is a little bit scared about returning, just in case she is suddenly overcome with the urge to apply for a job.

We ended our evening sitting at our beautiful table, under our beautiful parasol, eating a fantastic pesto and mushroom lasagne prepared by Ms Ginger Cake. It was all rather pleasant.

I'm working today, so I've got to go off and get ready. Oh, I'll post a photo of our lovely furniture later, I'm sure. Hope you all have a lovely day. I wonder if that is just too many lovelies? Can anything ever be too lovely?

something to cheer you up...

A little movie of Babycake being unbearably cute. It's around 7Mb download. I'm holding a bouncing, squirming, Babycake in my arms as I post this. He is laughing at himself in the movie. It's just too much cuteness to bear. I think I'm going to explode.

poor slinky

The other day we found Slinky trying to destroy a card with Babycake's photo on it. The photo is a bit blurred, but you can just see the evidence of his ripping and tearing on the corner of the card. The little bit of paper to the left has been torn from the card. I just don't know what to make of it all.

Certainly, something strange has been happening over the last few weeks. Slinky has been silently campaigning to get rid of Babycake. His behaviour seems to have become more and more desperate. It appears that having failed to persuade us that he was a viable alternative to Babycake, he has now taken to feigning his death in a last ditch bid for our attention. It's all very sad.

my new computer

I have just bought myself a new computer*. I have configured it just the way I need it. Never again will my computer hang when I open a Word document.

*in my dreams.

congratulations

Babycake has had quite a day. First of all he has mastered the art of turning and pushing himself, flopping gasping fish out of water style, out of the rubber ring thingy we have used for the last couple of months so that we can GET ON. I turned my back for a second. I swear to God I was watching him, I was even in the same room, but somehow he managed to flip flop and suddenly he was reaching for the magazines and books on the kitchen shelf. He nearly got them too. Of course, I had to rush and get a video camera so that I could record his efforts. Oh, okay, I did leave the room for a second to get the camera. The second big event is that he has cut his first tooth. I was feeding him some banana this afternoon. I usually just break off bits and put them in his mouth. I had just put a bit of banana into his mouth when suddenly he grabbed my finger and pulled it into his mouth. If you could see him when he does this, you wouldn't find it difficult to believe that he hasn't eaten for weeks and has resorted to cannibalism. As he was chomping on my finger, I felt the rough ridge of a tiny, teeny, tooth poking through. How cute is that? Of course, I immediately warned Mrs McMuffin, because he has recently taken to chewing her nipples. I had to own up the other day and admit that since I have been looking after him and feeding him by bottle, we like to play a little game where I pretend to pull the bottle from his mouth, while he bites the teat to hold on to it. It always gives him a little smile, and we have, oh, seconds of fun. It honestly didn't occured to me that I was in fact training him to mistreat his poor mother. Anyway, as I said to Mrs McMuffin, there is no evidence to prove a correlation between the two behaviours. Yes, I really did say that.

By the way, the photo is of Babycake with his new favourite toy, a brown paper bag.

we have taken against nadine baggott

Mr McMuffin in a stunning display of originality has taken to calling her Nadine Maggot(t) and says he has taken against her because she thinks she is gorgeous, but she has really thin lips. I have taken against her because she is trying to sell me a moisturiser for twenty quid, and her own skin has clearly melted and reformed in a nasty shiny and unlined fashion. Nadine Baggott, celebrity beauty editor, consider yourself taken against.

belated happy birthday...

...to the Internet. It's 15 years since the web went worldwide (according to the BBC). It is now an unruly adolescent filled with f*@! you notions of freedom, sex, fags and booze. I can't believe it's only 15 years. The internet has become such an important part of our life in only a short while. We just take it for granted, and get pissed off with it when it doesn't provide what we are looking for. Amazing.

growing

Babycake just seems to be growing all the time. It seems like only yesterday that the little suit that Mr and Mrs Carrot got for him was a little bit too big for him, and now look at it less than six months later. There is a lot to be said for Mother's milk.

it's official

Babycake is a monster baby who is sucking the very life force from his poor parents. I took him to the baby clinic this morning to have him weighed. Turns out that he is 20lb 3ozs which puts him over the 75th centile. To think that he started out on the very average 25th centile. I also had him measured, and it is no surprise to find that he is very long, and on the 91st centile. It a funny thing this baby growing business, suddenly any pride you might have in having such a strapping baby disappears when you have to lift the great big lump.

lie in

I had a lie in today, courtesy of Mr McMuffin. Sweet, sweet, sleep, how I've missed you.

Test

Testing the test

I have just set up the typepad mobile posting software, and it does what it says on the tin. Excellent.

rushrushrush

Somehow, in between my return to work and keeping Babycake smiling, we forgot to go on holiday. We decided to ditch the June plans and instead go off for a few days in July to celebrate our anniversay and have a couple of weeks in October. Of course that didn't happen either, as we only remembered our anniversary when Big Sister sent us a card. Truly we are useless at remembering the happiest day of our lives (and no, Babycake's birth was not the happiest day, we were both a little too shell shocked to be properly happy). Mr McMuffin seems quite keen on returning to Rome (now in September, for some reason) and nipping over to Florence for a few days and wants to get things organised. He doesn't understand that one of the best bits about holidays for me, is in the possibility of it all and the minute you decide, all the other possibilities just disappear. Of course Mr McMuffin may understand all too well and is trying to make sure we actually get to go away, rather than just dithering about.

Last weekend my Big Sister and the Niece and the Nephew came down from the frozen wasteland of York to bask in the balmy south. It was lovely to see them and Babycake thoroughly enjoyed the fuss they made of him. My sister and her husband have done a great job with the children and they are confident, polite and witty. The Niece still thinks Gypsy Tart and I are 'cool' for old ladies and went away with armfuls of vintage (we used to call them charity shop specials) clothes from the sixties and seventies. When I told her that I used to wear a short black and white dress with a pair of baseball boots way back when, the admiration in her voice made me think I might have actually have been as cool as she thought I was. Of course, I know the truth, but it was nice to be as much of a style icon as Kate Moss for a few, precious seconds.

Anyway, I have to go as Mr McMuffin thinks he needs to use the Mac. What a shame he started smoking again. He could have looked forward to being a two Mac household in October and having his own machine to play on, if only he hadn't been such a weakling. I read that last bit out to him and he didn't even crack a smile. Honestly, some people are just so serious. And weak.

great leap forward

I used to think this blog was a means for Slinky to acquire an internet presence, but I now know that was just preparation for reporting Babycake's every move. The last two days have been a busy time in the life of our seven month old. He managed a brief crawl forward yesterday, having developed a lovely backwards movement over the last few weeks; he enjoyed his first proper game of peekaboo with Mr McMuffin today and a few minutes ago he engaged in his first dirty protest when I tried to get him dressed for bed and smeared some of the contents of his nappy over the wipes. I tell you, I am so proud of that child.

strange starey eyed baby

I love him, really I do, but he even creeps me out a little bit sometimes. I just know that he is judging me. God alone knows how other people must feel when they come under that stare. By the way, Babycake is sitting in his new chair. It is clamped to the table. Very cool, and he loves it.

and another thing...

This is not the best photo I've taken of Babycake, but it is meant to demonstrate how Mrs McMuffin has taken leave of her senses. She has taken to tie-dyeing all of Babycakes white clothes. She started on the white muslin clothes that we use to soak up his ever flowing saliva. I thought they looked pretty cool. Now, she has startd dyeing all of the little white body suits that he owns, and she will not use any other colour but blue. What's that all about? Although, I have to admit that he does look like a little superhero. All he needs is a little tie-dyed cape and he'd be away. He could be Tie-Dyed Boy and his amazing dribble.

a brief post...

This looking after the baby thing really is taking up all of my time. I'm lucky if I get to spend more than 30 minutes without him. If I'm not holding him then I have to be watching him to make sure that he doesn't do one of his strange kamikazi dives onto the floor. Of course, he really is the baby that will not sleep. He seems to spend his entire day fighting the need to sleep. Sleep is for wimps, apparently. Right now he is sitting in his chair next to me trying to work out how he can get hold of Slinky's tail. Poor animal doesn't know what's hit him. The upshot of all of this is that the blog is suffering. Posting just seems to fall of the agenda for some reason. I still remember to wash, to eat, to sleep, but I forget to post. Sad, really, because I used to enjoy the blog so much. I don't intend to give up on it, and hopefully it the blog will be worth reading again. To paraphrase the fan who approaches Woody Allen in Stardust Memories, "I much prefer your earlier, funnier, ones."