about men and babies

I've noticed something interesting about the way in men interact with Babycake, and sadly that includes me. I wonder if all men do the same thing? Last night my brother took hold of Babycake and tried to entertain him by jiggling him around a little and making googoo noises into his face. Babycake seemed quite happy for a few seconds, but his bottom lip began to quiver and soon he was crying, as if he had been frightened. My brother-in-law, but don't tell him I said this, seems to have the same effect on Babycake. The baby seems happy enough to see him, in fact, he seems to find him really interesting and often makes a real effort to smile at him, but as soon as he picks him up and starts chatting to him, the baby starts to cry. Oh, I just remembered, my dad did the same thing to him when we visited Scotland a few months ago. He picked up the baby, who suddenly started crying.

All of these men seem to have in common a very real desire for Babycake to like them and be entertained by them, so I don't think for a second that anyone was doing anything deliberately horrible to him. What I do think, however, is that they were all driven by the urge to do something, absolutely anything to Babycake. They all held him too closely and chatted to him too quickly. I guess they just overwhelmed him. They didn't leave him any space to process what was going on so that he could arrive at some kind of response: a little smile, a gurlgle or an arm wave. In some ways, I think what I am talking about is a failure in empathic attunement. What seems to be missing is some capacity to just be with the baby and to allow the communication to gently unfold at Babycake's own pace. I don't think this is a failing in these particular men, rather it seems to be a failing, if that is the right word, in the way in which men are socialised. They must act, they do, they must have an impact on the world and other people.

This is very different from the way in which women are with Babycake. Although it is quite hard to talk about this without seeming to fall back on stereotypes. The women I have seen with Babycake, including Mrs McMuffin, seem to take things more slowly. They make some kind of communicative gesture and wait for a response before replying with another gesture. They seem to get the idea of the mutuality of communcation and interaction. Mrs McMuffin is the perfect example, of course, she never seems to feel the need to do anything with Babycake, she is often happy just to spend time with him allowing him to gaze into her eyes.

I'm glad to say that I haven't made him cry, but it did take me a couple months to be able to slow down the way in which I am with him, and to allow him some time so that he could join in, if he wanted to. I am still learning how to do this, and I sometimes catch myself just doing too much to him, rather than with him. This is still very much a work in progress. I'll let you know how we get on.