our son the genius

If only he could get the hang of not pooing in his pants or dribbling so much.

happy birthday

It's Ms Ginger Cake's birthday today. I am much to much of a gentleman to reveal how old she is, but I will say, she is getting on a bit. I got a little confused earlier in the week and had everyone, except for Ms Ginger Cake, of course, convinced that it was her birthday on Monday. They were all rushing around trying to get a present, thinking that they had forgotten about her birthday. Anyway, today's the day...Happy Birthday!

just a couple of things

We went over to Ikea today to buy the boy a cot. Mrs McMuffin has decided that we needed to have a particular cot (very cheap, but good) from Ikea, and she has spent the last couple of weeks watching the Ikea site to see when it comes back into stock. Well, we have finally got the thing. We then went to Mothercare and ordered a mattress that cost more than the cot. I'm not sure that makes any sense to me, but Mrs McMuffin was quite convinced/convincing. The best thing we bought, though, was a sandwich toaster from Tesco. Believe it or not, it cost £8.92. How is that possible? We were so excited by it all that we have decided to toasted sandwiches for dinner tonight. Mrs McMuffin dreams of cheese and onion, while I fancy cheese and thinly sliced hot dog sausages. Oh, by the way, we are great fans of the Swedish shop at Ikea. The cheese is great, and very cheap. Today I bought something called Morfars Brännvins Ost, which seems to translate into something like Grandfather's Snapcheese...I think. Anyway, it tastes like the best mature cheddar, almost Parmesan in flavour and texture. Lovely stuff, and I suggest that you get yourself some immediately.

One last thing. We saw HD television for the first time today. It was amazing. I really, really want it. All I have to do now is persuade Mrs McMuffin.

statistics...

We've been running Google Analytics for a couple of weeks now, and the depth of information that they have about us is amazing. It's enough to make me feel just a little paranoid. How can they possibly know the number of visitors whose house door is painted blue? The other interesting thing, as you can see from the map, is that the computer age has very clearly arrived for only a few people in the world. Of course, I always knew that, but the picture just makes it more obvious.

tomorrow...

The BBC have been forecasting a warm, sunny, day for tomorrow all week. For some reason I have really been looking forward to it. We have decided to celebrate the end of the overcast skies by inviting a load of our friends for something to eat and drink. Being British, we are not exactly confident about the weather, so we are going for a late lunch/very early dinner kind of thing, a ludine, if you like. What is the word for a meal at this time of the day? This is so we can be sure of making the most of the sunshine in our garden, which is usually plunged into darkness at around 7pm.

By the way, I've just finished making a couple of litres of mango lassi. This has nothing to do with the food tomorrow. I only made it because Mrs McMuffin insists on buying tons of fruit and veg, and then letting it rot. I have decided to punish her by telling her that she can't drink any of it until it properly chilled. I could have put some ice cubes in it, but that would have let her off easily.

today...

Glorious. The sky is blue, the sun is shining. The garden is set for a lovely afternoon of eating and drinking and chatting. If you're in the area, feel free to pop in for a while. I've just got to do some cooking now. The lassi was a bit of a disappointment. Despite using four ripe mangos, I can't taste them. Still, a pleasant enough yogurt drink, I suppose.

phew

After deriding Babycake's rolling skills, I put him on a blanket in the garden to practise. I left his side for about 30 seconds and returned to find that he had rolled himself off the blanket, grabbed a handful of grass and had shoved a mouthful of mud and grass in his gob. I wouldn't mind my son thinking he was a ruminant ordinarily, only he's really not supposed to be starting solids until next month.

We spent the day in Greenwich yesterday and very nice it was too. Babycake was so excited by all the new faces and fresh sights that he decided not to have a proper kip this afternoon, but a series of power naps. He's quite a nosy little chap and loves just staring at people in that creepy way that babies have. If they meet with his approval he then favours them with a big smile and squeals at them. Few can resist his baby charisma and he gets a lot of fussing in return. This just encourages him and our trips out are punctuated by these moments of mutual adoration. I have to confess to a warm glow of pride at our child's social success, never mind that he'd probably go off quite cheerfully with any one of these strangers - they can't have him, he's mine, all mine, although I'd probably loan him out for short bursts if I could have a lie in.

mmm, shiny...

I bought this beautiful coffee set yesterday when we were in Greenwich. The woman running the market stall is destined to be poor. When I asked her how much she was looking for, she told me that she was looking after the stall for her sister, and she couldn't remember if it was £65 or £35. In the end, we agreed that I could have it for £30. It is all complete and I can't wait to use it. I have been searching the internet for the manufacturer but can't seem to find anything. The name on the pot looks like Jilip or Jalip or Tilip or something like that, and it was made in Paris. Does anyone out there recognise any of that?

i'm a star

I am a bit of a latecomer to the eBay party, but today I was awarded a yellow star for having 10 positive comments made about me. I can't remember the last time I was given a star for doing anything, probably about 40 years ago. I got a certificate too. I'm going to show Mrs McMuffin my certificate and maybe she will let me put it on the fridge. I feel really special today.

hello...

Where is everybody? It's a bit scary out here all by ourselves.

the upside down boy

Mrs McMuffin took this action shot of me hanging Babycake upside down. He just loves to hang upside down. His little head hangs over my arm, his finger goes into his mouth, and he seems to settle down for a good look at things from a different perspective. It's funny how we seem to do different things with him. I didn't mean to do it, but I seem to be the one, even at this tender age, who gets him all excited with rough and tumble play. Mrs McMuffin is the calming one, she holds him gently and has long conversations with him. If I bite his fingers, he has a fit of the giggles. If Mrs McMuffin bites his fingers, he is annoyed and pulls his hand away because, we imagine, he thinks she is going to try to bite his fingernails. He doesn't like that.

the big scream

I finally went to the big scream with a neighbour, to see Wah Wah. The film was reasonably watchable and the sound of about forty babies squealing and whimpering wasn't as distracting as you might think. After a quick picnic in the park, we returned to our respective homes and wilting gardens.

For those of you that don't know, we are experiencing a drought in the south of England and there has been a hose pipe ban since April. I suspect that the Northeners have been stealing and stockpiling our water as everything looked suspiciously swampy north of Watford Gap, when we made our epic journey to Scotland earlier in the year. Anyway, we have a hosepipe ban and it's not unreasonable as you're allowed to use a hosepipe to top up your garden pond (to save the froggies) or fill up your swimming pool! I couldn't bloody believe it when I checked the website and looked at what was allowed. What I can't understand is anyone thinking it's ok to use water in this way, but lo and behold my parent's neighbours have an enormous hard sided inflatable pool which they've filled for the children to play in. Never mind that they can well afford to take their children in their enormous and expensive sprogwagon to the local swimming pool, which many families can't, they are hastening the onset further, more draconian water restrictions. I kept my mouth shut for the sake of my parents, but it was hard not to burst their bubble of entitlement.

On a less whiny note, I got a lovely sunsuit and hat set for Babycake. It's supposed to block 97.5% of the sun's harmful rays and should cut down on the need for sunblock for him. While I am possibly a little over the top in ensuring that the boy doesn't get sun damaged skin, I am positively neglectful according to all the child care literature, which tells you to keep children under a year out of the sun. As we have no intention of turning nocturnal, I have absolutely no idea how to achieve this-blackout blinds on all the windows, perhaps? Poor little lad would end up with rickets if we listened to this stupidity. I'm have to say that I'm getting a little fed up with this scaremongering advice around parenting and I wish we could be credited with a just a little common sense.

whine

When I wrote on a less whiny note on my previous post, I really did mean it!

what's happened...

Where has everyone gone? We've just been shopping and there is no one around. It's a ghost town. Has everyone gone to the seaside for the day and forgot to ask us? Or, maybe they had a meeting and decided that no one liked us, and they have all sneaked off for the day. It's all a bit strange and creepy, and I kept thinking about 28 Days Later. Oh, and it's really, really hot.

lovely

Congratulations to J and L on the birth of their little girl, M, on Saturday. Welcome to the world, M and we wish you much love and happiness.

mrs mcmuffin has worked wonders

It's raining today. I just went to look outside the backdoor and was struck by how beautiful our garden looks. I know that I have mentioned before the terrible mess the previous owners made of the garden, and how Mrs McMuffin has worked hard to create an oasis for us. It really is lovely. Here are a couple of photos taken shortly after we moved in. The previous owner was particularly proud of his row of rotting fruit trees. He even went so far as to ask Mrs McMuffin to promise not to cut them down because it would break his heart.

And here are a couple of photos of how the garden looks this morning.

babycake, thrill seeker

Like all babies, Babycake has the most appealing laugh and Mr McMuffin and I go to great lengths to hear it. In the beginning it was very easy, we pulled a face, or made an interesting noise and he squawked with joy. Now he demands novelty before favouring us with abandoned chuckling and we find it increasingly difficult to offer this. Yesterday was no problem at all, in fact a complete doddle, all I had to do was run for the car in the middle of a thunderstorm. Babycake laughed his little head off and found the vision of his mother standing in the torrential rain trying to fold up his pushchair hysterical. Mr McMuffin and I are now a little concerned that Babycake may need bigger and better freak weather conditions to squeal again. As much as we love our son, we refuse to chase tornadoes for his pleasure, he'll just have to be satisfied with a rattle, like other babies.

By the way, I have fallen in love with my new sandals, purchased on Monday (when we went to Bluewater, just for the air conditioning). They have a three inch heel, which makes me ridiculously tall. I am very much enjoying berating Mr McMuffin and the rest of the population for their dwarfishness. I am a goddess in cork soles.

we have taken against galton blackiston

We have been hooked by the BBC's competition to find a menu for a banquet to celebrate the Queen's 80th birthday. The Great British Menu has been very entertaining, and we have seen some great cooking. Mrs McMuffin and I are united on one thing, Galton Blackiston is the most irritating man on TV at the moment. There is an air of barely supressed rage about him. Every time he opened his mouth to speak in that whiny tone that he has, he said something nasty about the other chef's cooking. This is the man for whom the term passive aggressive was created. Apparently, he is a celebrity chef, but please spare me having to see his pinched, hard-done by, features on TV again. Mrs McMuffin and I would like to take turns slapping him. I don't think that is too harsh a punishment for the way in which he has poisoned our enjoyment of life.

i don't know what to do with myself

As the sole provider of food to Babycake, it has been hard to get a break from his gorgeousness. Mr McMuffin has made all kinds of helpful suggestions, but ultimately I just can't bring myself to go all Daisy and squeeze out a bottle of full fat for the boy. Today, Mr McMuffin is giving me some recuperation time and looking after the little lad, only bringing him to me for feeding. I have had a lie in (soothed by the sounds of Mr McMuffin cleaning the kitchen) and have had to force myself out of bed, fearing that if I gave into the temptation of 'catching up' I may become Rip Van Winkle and wake to find Babycake has lost the hair that I slept through him getting in the first place.

It feels odd, a bit like I imagine how an amputee might feel (except without the pain and inconvenience) I can even hear him in the house, although Mr McMuffin has taken him out. Babycake is always with me. In the first three weeks of his life I left him with my parents for a few hours, Mr McMuffin for a couple of hours and since then, no-one for any length of time. This isn't because I don't trust anyone else to care for him, but because there's not much of a break involved for me if I have to hover around to feed him (and Babycake is a very hungry baby, having gone from the 25th centile for weight at birth, to the 75th centile). In the next week or so we shall begin the weaning process and it will be easier for babysitters to have him, so hopefully Mr McMuffin and I can have some time together.

So, I'm sitting here, thinking of all the things I fantasised about doing solo and the bits of resentment I felt at not being able to and now it all looks possible, I just want Babycake back in my arms NOW.

So this is attachment and bonding, what a swizz.

pathetic

I lasted until about 1pm and then spent the rest of the day with Babycake. He really is that adorable and I really am that wrapped around his little finger. Even Mr McMuffin is so besotted that he can't stop getting things that the boy might like. Well, Babycake loved the baby bouncer, but I'm not sure he's quite ready for the Che badge.

got the lot

It is Mr McMuffin's birthday tomorrow and a time of great despair in the McMuffin household. Not because Mr McMuffin mourns his lost youth or is inconsolable about his old git status, but because I have no idea what to give him. I thought I had it covered, a knife skills course at Prue Leith's cookery school, but the course is booked solid with no confirmation of a further date. Mr McMuffin has been very helpful and told me of all the technology he has coveted but denied himself, such as an iPod nano, but I really wanted to get something a little less predictable and a lot more satisfying to give.

At my request, Mr McMuffin kindly put together the snippets of film of Babycake's birth and made it into a coherent whole for me to watch. It's almost six months on and I only now feel as if I can watch it without hiding behind the sofa. I was quite surprised to see how well my memory of the event matches the reality and that I appeared on the surface to be very calm and quiet, even managing little breathy conversations between pushes. This is so unlike my usual hypochondrical presentation that I am very pleased we actually have the evidence of my bravery on film. It will also be useful to watch if I ever get broody (not that I ever have been yet) and less painful than hitting myself round the head repeatedly with a cast iron frying pan.

incentive...

Mrs McMuffin has agreed that I can get a new Macbook in October. Her only condition is that I must give up smoking. I always planned to stop when the bairn was born, but the nice weather has made it possible for me to continue and stay dry, for the most part. I immedately agreed to her challenge, and I have decided that Monday will be my stopping smoking day. It's a bit strange really because I have been a smoker for a lot longer than I was ever a non-smoker, but I think the time has come for me to knock it on the head. I just don't enjoy it anymore. Anyway, wish me luck.

happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear meeeeeee, happy birthday to me, and maaaaaannnnyyyy moooooooorrrre.

Mrs McMuffin and the bairn are still in bed, but I thought I would start getting into the mood. I am having a joint birthday celebration today with our dear friend, who doesn't have a cake name, and who doesn't read our blog anyway. Happy birthday to her too. She is hosting a get together of our friends. There will be lots of food and drink and general jollity. I must get on now because I have to go and buy some vegetables to roast and add to my cous cous and lamb dish. I was going to make a couple of cakes but I think as we are fortunate to have a Paul's patisserie on our doorstep, I might get a couple of their lovely cakes to take instead.

Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention that today is a momentous day for Babycake too. He will have his first taste of solid food today. It was Mrs McMuffin's idea that we start weening him on my birthday, which is quite sweet. That boy is so ready for solid food. He watches us intently while we eat, with a big grin on his face while he mimics our jaws moving. Of course, when I say solid food, I really mean that he's going to have a spoonful or two of baby rice, but I'm sure he will enjoy himself.

Hope you all have a good day too.

is it wrong?

I had a lovely day yesterday, except for the 43 year old woman in the baby doll dress thing, who was really irritating, and only stopped talking to me after I told her that I wasn't going to have sex with her. Apart from that, the sun shone and we ate lots and drank lots, and Babycake loved all the attention, until he didn't love it anymore. I was thrilled to find that Mrs McMuffin got me an iPod nano for my birthday. It's really is a lovely little machine. Unsurprisingly, it does exactly the same as the other three iPods that I have, but, what can I say, I just wanted one. Mrs McMuffin thought it would be unseemly of me to post about my iPod collection, but I don't care. I know there is something adolescent about the pleasure I get from owning four iPods. Of course there is nothing wrong with being adolescent if you are an adolescent, but I'm 45 years old. Anyway, here is a picture of my lovely iPods. I decided that I couldn't take a better picture of them than Apple did, so I've used their photos. I love my iPods...now, if I could only get them to work in my f*@#ing car...Damn Vauxhall...Damn their eyes...

the best joke ever...

Apparently, if you are 5½ months old, you like the sound of baby massage so much that it sends you into fits of hysterical laughter. There is just no accounting for taste. I imagine if you try this one on a 6 month old they will look at you with disdain, because that is just sooooo babyish.

We tried some sweet potato on Babycake today but he didn't seem to like it very much. I think part of the problem was that I couldn't get it smooth enough. We gave up and resorted to baby rice. We let him eat until he could eat no more (that's a whole teaspoon of baby rice, by the way). He is now completely blissed out, stuffed and loved up. Mrs McMuffin is bathing him now, which he loves. Life is good.

day 2

Well, day 1 of giving up smoking passed without event. In the end I didn't need to use one of the nicotine puffer things that I've got. I did notice that I woke up at about 4.30am and then dozed at 30 minute intervals until about 8am, when I got up. I can only assume that this had something to do with the nicotine withdrawal. Today, I feel all on edge. My arms and legs have a slight buzzy tingle, as if I'd had a few drinks. I have an odd feeling in my stomach. It sort of feels like hunger, but when I thought about it, I think it is closer to how I feel when I am anxious. I guess giving up smoking is quite a big deal for me. I have smoked full time since I was 19 years old, that's 26 years with a fag in my hand. That's a lot of cigarettes. I'm trying hard not to think about cigarettes, but every time I stop for a moment, my first thought is to have a fag. I'll keep you posted.

carrots...

...are acceptable to Babycake. Tomorrow he will enjoy the taste sensation that is pear. Apparently it takes eighteen tastes for a baby to decide whether they like or dislike a flavour, so Babycake isn't doing too badly at all. This is good news for Mr McMuffin, who has been dying to feed the boy and has been boiling, mashing and sieving like a demon.

Testing

I have just downloaded the new browser for Mac called Pimpfants dot com

this is the face of the boy who loves baby rice

As you can see, Babycake seems to like his solids. He wasn't very keen on the whole spoon in mouth experience, but was happy to eat from his father's finger (or daddy's nipple as it is now known). Babycake is growing so fast and I'm a lot less panicked at leaving him. Since his morning with Mr McMuffin last week and his move towards food which doesn't arrive via my body, I am reassured that he can survive without my constant proximity.

I seem to be growing too. Now I can fit in my pre pregnancy clothes I've noticed that the legs on my trousers seem a little short. As I already need extra long trousers, I can only conclude that I am actually becoming a flamingo. Good thing I like prawns.