i don't know what to do with myself

As the sole provider of food to Babycake, it has been hard to get a break from his gorgeousness. Mr McMuffin has made all kinds of helpful suggestions, but ultimately I just can't bring myself to go all Daisy and squeeze out a bottle of full fat for the boy. Today, Mr McMuffin is giving me some recuperation time and looking after the little lad, only bringing him to me for feeding. I have had a lie in (soothed by the sounds of Mr McMuffin cleaning the kitchen) and have had to force myself out of bed, fearing that if I gave into the temptation of 'catching up' I may become Rip Van Winkle and wake to find Babycake has lost the hair that I slept through him getting in the first place.

It feels odd, a bit like I imagine how an amputee might feel (except without the pain and inconvenience) I can even hear him in the house, although Mr McMuffin has taken him out. Babycake is always with me. In the first three weeks of his life I left him with my parents for a few hours, Mr McMuffin for a couple of hours and since then, no-one for any length of time. This isn't because I don't trust anyone else to care for him, but because there's not much of a break involved for me if I have to hover around to feed him (and Babycake is a very hungry baby, having gone from the 25th centile for weight at birth, to the 75th centile). In the next week or so we shall begin the weaning process and it will be easier for babysitters to have him, so hopefully Mr McMuffin and I can have some time together.

So, I'm sitting here, thinking of all the things I fantasised about doing solo and the bits of resentment I felt at not being able to and now it all looks possible, I just want Babycake back in my arms NOW.

So this is attachment and bonding, what a swizz.