frenzy

We seem to have got caught up in an unprecedented level of spending on the Bairn and the various pieces of equipment we think we are going to need for him and for us, to keep us entertained during the hell that lies ahead. Today we found ourselves buying a sling for Mr McMuffin to carry the boy and he chose some clothes. He's done a good job, not a fluffy bunny or a vile teddy in sight and I have to confess that there is something very satisfying about imagining an actual baby rather than a wriggling bump filling the clothes out.

I have another week left at work and then the real decline begins, as I'll probably find that I've reclined on the sofa one too many times and am unable to return to a vertical position and will be stranded like a beetle on my back until relieved of the Bairn. Mr McMuffin still thinks it's amusing to throw things I want on the floor, but even he's not cruel enough to make me pick them up as I have completely lost any grace I once had and walk like a monkey, a monkey that topples over in the bathroom when trying to pick up something off the floor and that overbalances when putting socks on.

I am really frightened of stopping work as it means my world will narrow so much and then I'm going to have to go throught the process of opening it up again when I go back-how on earth am I going to take care of things at the office when we have a child to take care of too? I know other parents seem to manage (at considerable personal effort and sacrifice) but I don't really believe that I am I as able as them. I'm just so glad I don't have to do any of this on my own and I really hope that Mr McMuffin and I can fill in the gaps for each other and for the boy. I'm also quite scared that I'll become one of those people that regales the completely uninterested in tales of the child's first solid shit and can't bear to leave him for a single second, or else I'll be begging to go back to work in the third week and pretending that I have no child. I suppose we'll just have to see what I become.