freedom and soup, really

I've come across a few blogs (written by people from the US) which uncritically champion the US as the freest of the free countries in the free world and say that the rest of the world is just jealous that they have so much freedom (the US that is), they can export it everywhere. Now I'm not sure what the real measure of freedom is, but just to satisfy my curiosity, can I ask anyone who has lived in the US and another country, which one they felt the most free(dom) in and why?

Anyway, back to the really mundane. Mr McMuffin made soup tonight and it was the best soup in the world I don't say that lightly as I come from a family of soup lovers (although we call it cawl) and am a pretty good soup maker myself. I don't know what he did to make it so good. The ingredients looked fine, although not terribly exciting, but given the McMuffin magic they combined to make the best soup in the world. So good I had to say it again.

...and again and again for anyone viewing this on RSS.

what a day...

I started my new job today. The only problem was that there was absolutely nothing that I could do so I got to come home after a couple of hours. It was gruelling, I can tell you. We sat and had a coffee and a fag and chatted. It was terrible. I joined the team on the day on which they moved into their new offices. Unfortunately, the new offices are still a bit of a building site. There was no water, which meant no toilets, no telephones, no computers, and no desks on which to put computers. Having said all that, it did look lovely, and everyone could see the potential. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

oops...

I seem to have deleted the comments too. Sorry.

top 5 lyrics that move your heart

I've been passed a couple of music memes, and a movie one too, over the last few weeks, but as you can imagine, I haven't really felt like doing any of them. So, just to be contrary, I'm going to do a bit of a meme that I found over at Eat Your Carrots. and which wasn't passed to me. It just got me thinking about all the songs that I love. I'm not sure that I could really name my top 5 lyrics, or even remember them off the top of my head, but these ones came to mind fairly quickly. I was going to give a little explanation about why I liked the lyrics but after 30 minutes of writing I gave up. It was just too hard. I guess what the songs have in common is an air of melancholy.

Duncan by Paul Simon
Couple in the next room
bound to win a prize:
they've been going at it all night long!

Maria's Little Elbow by Sparklehorse
she said 'I've really come to hate my body
and all the things that it requires in this world'
I bet you're out there getting drunk with all your friends and it'll get you
in the bathroom of a Texaco

Ten Storey Love Song by The Stone Roses
When your heart is black and broken
And you need a helping hand
When you're so much in love
You don't know just how much you can stand

Diamond's Smiles by Boomtown Rats
In the low voltage noise,
Diamond seems so sure and so poised
She shimmers for the bright young boys,
And laugh's “Love is for others, but me it destroys”

Bobby Peru by Luna
'S' is for sorry for all that I did
Now is the time to turn it all around
I know what is the matter so why can't I fix it
Forgive me please

UPDATE: a big apology to all you RSS reader types out there. I just couldn't get the layout of this post right and it was driving me a bit nuts. This is definitely the last time I will post it.

correction to the previous post

Mr McMuffin appears to be masquerading as me in the previous post. I think he has chosen some good songs, but when I mentioned Classic by Adrian Gurvitz, he said that the lyrics have to mean something to you, not just make you laugh. It's quite difficult to choose only five and tempting to disregard the tacky, but here they are:

What She Said, The Smiths
She said I smoke 'cause I'm hoping for an early death and I need to cling to something
I always thought (stupidly) this was a good retort to anyone who tiresomely mentioned that I really should give up smoking because it's bad for me (shit, why did no one ever tell me before?). Now that I have pretty much stopped smoking, I promise I'll never say those words to anyone.

Good Year for The Roses, Elvis Costello
I can hardly bear the sight of lipstick on the cigarettes there in the ashtray lyin’ cold the way you left ’em, but at least your lips caressed them while you packed, or the lip-print on a half-filled cup of coffee that you poured and didn’t drink but at least you thought you wanted it, that’s so much more than I can say for me
...and we continue my apparent obsession with fags. I love these lines hugely, even though I'm sure Elvis was mocking us all when he wrote them.

Friday I'm in Love, The Cure
I don’t care if monday’s blue, tuesday’s grey and wednesday too, thursday I don’t care about you, it’s friday I’m in love
I'm finally grown up enough to confess that I love the happier, poppier side of The Cure and any song that has the days of the week in it always rocks me (even Craig David).

Wrecking Ball, Neil Young
Meet me at the wrecking ball, wrecking ball, (I'll) wear something pretty and white, and we'll go dancin' tonight
This brings tears to my eyes when Emmylou sings it. She makes it sound so tragic and something Rosasharn from the Grapes of Wrath might sing, when I think it's actually a fairly happy little ditty.

Wave of Mutilation, The Pixies
Cease to resist, giving my goodbye. Drive my car into the ocean, you'll think I'm dead, but I sail away on a wave of mutilation
This reminds me of Gypsy Tart as a young impressionable teenager who found these sort of lyrics irresistible. Even now when I hear There is a light and it never goes out I think of her and how romantic she found the song, even though she wasn't too impressed when her then boyfriend wrote a song called Cut your head off which she always thought was about her (he denied it). She played Leonard Cohen, Joy Division, The Cure and The Smiths incessantly and oddly I always found the misery strangely uplifting and just the thing to get me in the mood for going out.

exhale

We had a few good pieces of news last week and one of them is that Slinky is now officially ours. Of course we have gained ownership in his years of decline, but I'm so pleased that we don't have to worry about our lovely neighbour moving and taking him with her. Slinky is celebrating by moving from bed to bed nursing a pus ridden eye from where the Evil Black Cat slashed him. Fortunately he is on the mend, as of course any medical treatment is now our responsibility.

I have now seen most of Revenge of the Sith and I have to say it was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. It was a bit of a family outing, so I sat between the Niece and Big Sis, ate doughnuts, mocked various bits of dialogue with the Niece, slept, ate doughnuts and repeated these actions for the whole two and a half hours. A very pleasant afternoon indeed. Rock Cake pointed out that he is one of the few people to have see all seven of the Star Wars films, which include this gem. I really think that's going too far.

Anyway, I have been touched by the nice messages for Mr McMuffin and I really think that they helped him through the whole ordeal. I'm sure he'll say something himself, now that he's been able to let out that breath he's been holding for the last fortnight and I no longer wake up in a cold sweat imagining life on the streets.

honest cosmetics...

I was a bit surprised to find that Olay has done a bit of research which finally tells the truth about the seven signs of aging that most women fear the most. You can see it here. It makes interesting reading.

...and now for the good news

Despite the terrible reference that I received from my last b*stardly f*cking employers, my new employers have decided to give me the job. I'll be starting work next week. I shall be dedicating myself to being the very best employee that has ever been, and to seeking the absolute destruction of my old manager. I have decided that my new hobby will be to take them to court. I don't care if they write me a more positive reference, the more I have thought about it, the more I want an apology and to be compensated for the money that I have lost and the awful stress that Mrs McMuffin and I have been living under for the last few weeks. My nose has been suffering. When I get really stressed I develop a eczema type thing in my ear canal, although in recent years this has migrated to up my nose. Fortunately, it is all hidden from sight, but I know it's there.

star wars

I saw the new Star Wars movie the other day and I have to say I was really impressed with it. The special effects were truly spectacular. I guess it has to be some indication of how things have moved on that I don't think there was a single moment in the film when I thought that doesn't look real. The script was poo though. George Lucas has never made any great claims for his ability to write dialogue, and there is some real clunky stuff in this film. I was also struck by the, at times, leaden performances of Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen. They both seemed to be struggling to provide their characters with any kind of emotional substance against the overwhelming backdrop created by the special effects. Having said that, I was still moved by Anakin's transformation into Darth Vader. It made some kind of emotional sense that he allowed himself to be seduced by the dark side of the force.

Now, whatever happened to poor Padme? Once Queen Amidala, ruler of Naboo, a political mover and shaker who was not adverse to getting involved in the action herself. In this film she is reduced to a poor whiny soul who spends much of the time wringing her hands over what has become of her man. She seemed to have very little to do in this installment of the saga, although her fate is certainly entwined with the creation of Darth Vader. In fact, now that I think about it, there were actually very few women in the film. I can't think of one, apart from Padme, although I do seem to remember that a female Jedi Knight was murdered towards the end.

Anyway, putting all that to one side, this is a great film and ranks up with the best that the first trilogy had to offer. I would probably even be tempted to go a little further to suggest that it may even be the very best film of the lot. Do yourself a favour, put aside all those misconceptions and predjudices and go and see it. You will be pleasantly surprised.

PS: is it wrong for me to like General Grevious so much? It's just that he reminded me of an ABC warrior from 2000AD. Now there's a comic that is just crying out to made into a movie.

i am loving it...

I just realised how good Spotlight and Automator are in Tiger (Mac OS 10.4). I did a search for all the movies on my computer and when they all showed up in Spotlight, I highlighted them and created an Automator workflow then I added a Finder action to the workflow and saved all the movies, which had been spread over three hard drives, to a folder on my desktop. I then imported them all into iPhoto. It has taken me a little while to work out the benefits of Spotlight, other than just finding things on your computer. I just couldn't work out what I was supposed to do with the lists of stuff that it unearthed, but now it all makes sense. I love it.

sweet pees

I'm not making this up, Slinky has taken to crouching on the flowerpot next to the fence (which has the lovely sweet peas growing in it) and having a pee, Meet the Parents style. What a Focker.

so this is what happened to her...

I'm sure you remember Tanita Tikaram, who had a couple of hits 15 or 20 years ago. I was looking for one of them this morning and came across Feeding The Witches from 1995. This woman has been doing a lot of boozing and smoking by the sound of things. She has always had a deep voice, but on this song she seems to be edging into Tom Waits territory. It's a lovely song and she sounds great on it.

I am listening to Women Who Cheat On The World from the album "MTV Music History - Golden Collection" by Tanita Tikaram

[Posted with ecto]

the height of evility...

I thought I would share a little from the reference from hell. I can't be bothered to retype the whole thing, but here are a few choice comments:

Our greater concerns however were in respect of his lack of commitment to his clients and his reluctance to demonstrate any personal responsibility for his professional practice...He was, at times, reluctant to respond to direction from his team manager...There were a number of assessments that he completed which both lacked depth and were seriously flawed...He was not felt by his colleagues to be a 'team player'...there are times when he allows personal dissatisfactions and difficult relationships with colleagues to predominate over his professional commitment...

It gets better...The latest installment in my little saga now involves the assistant director of social services, we have now moved four levels of management away from this pathetic soul, who has emailed my agency to tell them that he saw the reference before it went out, and he fully supports his manager because everything she says has been evidenced. He ended his email by suggesting to the agency that their continued employment of me raises serious concerns about them. Stunning stuff, I think you will agree. This really does raise the ante because it takes me to just two tiers away from the chief executive.

At one level, although I am deeply upset about it all, I am finding it fascinating. It's a bit like watching a train crash in slow motion. I just can't imagine how it will all end. All I can say is thank God it is not easy to buy firearms in the UK or who knows what I may do after I've had a few drinks.

I am listening to Charred Resentment The Same from the album "The Carlton Chronicles: Not Until The Operation's Through" by South San Gabriel

[Posted with ecto]

pacifist no more

How dare that woman try to destroy Mr McMuffin's chances of working again. How dare she try to destroy his character. I was so angry, I could hardly sleep last night and all I want to do (but shan't, of course) is spend five minutes alone with her, getting her to retract the lies, by persuasion or force, if necessary.

it had to happen one day...or I was asking for it...

Well, I got my reference. It is probably the very worse reference that anyone (who is not stark raving mad) has ever written for anyone ever. I really do mean ever. For some reason my referee has decided that I should never work again. I don't imagine that it will come as much of a surprise to hear that my prospective employers are now having second thoughts. For most of today the serpent of anxiety has been flexing it's coils in my stomach, and I've felt a bit sick all afternoon. That's not a very nice feeling. Fortunately, Mrs McMuffin and my friends, of course I have told practically everyone about it, have been very supportive. They say, "oh, but that's not you." The only problem I have with it all is that the reference does contain a germ of truth. I can see myself in all that has been said about me. It's just a little bit skewed, that's all. The truth is a funny thing.

I have made a formal complaint, and it was good to hear that HR didn't know anything about the reference. I had to send them a copy. The other good thing is that the reference is almost cartoon bad. It's almost too bad to believe.

I did do a bad thing though. I was so angry that I sent a copy to everyone in my old team. I didn't say it, but I guess I wanted them to know that this could happen to them. Oh, no that's not true. I just wanted to cause some trouble. I wonder if it did? I hope so. Does that make me bad?

Industry

Still no reference, but at least things are happening in the background, so hopefully this mess will be sorted out today or tomorrow. I have managed to waste another day, but this time I have done something quite useful. I have been trying to set up Automator actions to create photos with rounded corners for posting on the blog. I thought I could get it to run in Photoshop. Some kind of combination between a Photoshop action and an Automator action. Sadly I failed to get it to run properly. Nothing I did seemed to sort out the bugs. No sooner had I fixed one bug than another arose. I've given up for now. I did, however, manage to record a nice Photoshop action which will create photos with lovely rounded corners and save them to my desktop. I don't know if anyone is interested in this, but you can download it here. I've left open the sizing dialogues so you can choose your own photo sizes. Let me know if it works.

I am listening to Obstacle 2 from the album "Turn On The Bright Lights" by Interpol

[This was posted with ecto]

gorgeous george

While I'm not in love with George Galloway, I have admired his fervent anti war stance and enjoyed the kicking he gave the Senate committee today. I flipping well hope he hasn't done anything wrong, it would just be too, too sad if he had.

Talking of sad, poor little Kylie has breast cancer, so I'll wish her well and stop moaning to Mr McMuffin about my PMS and my strangely solid, yet painful mammaries. Too much information I think.

I've not actually seen one of these posters yet, but aren't they fantastic? Given that (domestic) violence features in about 80% of the cases we work with and the impact on women and children's lives is so damaging, anything that makes a man stop and think has got to be worth it. Just for the record, of course women can be violent to men too. Although the processes and the impact may be similar, I believe the volume to be significantly different and the power imbalances to play a crucial part. Now I've said that, if heavens forfend an actual men's rights type inadvertently comes across this post and feels tempted to tell me what a sexist bitch I am (as they have on other blogs) then please don't, go away, there's no room for your sort here.

something to look forward to...

We'll be in Madeira in only 27 days. That's something to look forward to.

a little post before i rush off...

I just don't know what I have been doing with my time these last few weeks. I have very half-heartedly tried to begin to write my dissertation, but nothing much has come of that. I seem to be able to spend the entire day doing nothing other than tinker around on the computer. Today I have discovered a wonderful new version of Ecto and have managed to waste practically the whole day exploring its many features. I do have a new job and I was hoping to start on Monday, but they won't let me start until they have seen a reference from my last employer. I didn't leave my last job on particularly good terms, in fact it would be safe to say that they are very angry with me. I basically told them to f*ck their job. The only problem with this approach, of course, is that it comes back to bite you in the arse eventually. Although it was very satisfying at the time.

By the way, I am listening to Bit Part from the album "It's A Shame About Ray" by The Lemonheads (another great Ecto feature!)

still testing

Another little test. I'm trying to get rid of the summary thing. It's just too annoying.

smigus dyngus

Mr McMuffin was rather taken by his (Polish) therapist's account of this tradition. He announced to all and sundry on Friday that he was going to introduce it to McMuffinland and he was going to start by throwing a bucket of water over Ms Ginger Cake. Unsurprisingly she threatened him with severe reprisals should he actually carry out his plans.

As we were meeting with our (Eastern European, by coincidence) financial advisor, we arranged for Ms Ginger Cake to go to Gypsy Tart's until we had finished. After the meeting, Mr McMuffin got a bucket out and I begged him not to actually fill it with water. Instead he balanced the empty bucket on the dining room door and failed to mention this to me. I think you can guess where this story is going. All I can say is that bucket hurt when it landed on my head and Mr McMuffin's tears of laughter were not an apology.

I also managed to fall out with Gypsy Tart on Saturday for the first time in years. She really was in the wrong, but it was about thoughtlessness rather than nastiness. I wondered how we were going to make up as I was determined to stay on my high horse and I knew she was a bit frightened that I might shout at her again. So on Sunday morning, I looked out of my bedroom window to see her standing in her garden and hissed bitch at her through the open window. She gave a sad little smirk and then came over for a cup of coffee. Phew, thank goodness for our adult abilities to talk about our problems in a rational manner.

steve forbert

I forgot that I used to listen to this fella all the time when I was much, much younger. Who remembers Steve Forbert? I bought his second album Alive on Arrival in 1978 and listened to it for the rest of that year. He has a lovely voice, although his nose is a little bit odd, and he writes the kind of melancholy tunes that I like. Listening to him now makes me feel a little tearful. His songs have the same quality to them as the theme song to The Likely Lads. Lives filled with missed opportunities. I suppose you need to hear something. This is Tonight I Feel So Far From Home.

oh dear...

Perhaps this will not surprise our loyal reader, but we were sitting in Ms Gypsy Tart's garden having a glass of wine earlier this evening when who should walk past, none other than Fluff with a little mouse in her mouth. Fortunately, for the mouse, Mr Rock Cake, man of action, who is going kayaking in Italy tomorrow, was able to rescue the poor little creature before Fluff, who's a cat by the way, had the chance to take him away to her private torture chamber. The poor wee thing was terrified, but he was still willing to pose for a couple of photos before Mr Rock Cake threw him into the next garden. Did you know that mice bounce?

a century of fakers...

I've been having a sort through my music this morning and I found this song. It's A Century of Fakers by Belle & Sebastian. I used to love this song. In fact, I used to love the band until Mrs McMuffin and I went to see them one night a few years ago. For some reason the show was nearly two hours late in starting and when they came on stage the band played shit. Oh, and they didn't even say anything about keeping everyone waiting. It was a strange experience, but not as strange as my reaction to it all. I still feel pissed off with them for behaving badly. I didn't buy the new album that they were touting at the time, and I stopped listening to them. Having said all that, I still have a soft spot for this song. It's hard not to like a song with these lyrics:

There are people going hungry every day They've got nothing on their plates And you're filling your fat face with every different kind of cake And if you ever go lardy, or go lame I will drop you straight away That's the price you have to pay For every stupid thing you say

weekly roundup

So, Mr McMuffin has a job (hurrah) and will be working alongside Ms Ginger Cake. As David pointed out, our world of work is very small and there's never more than two degrees of separation between social workers in London. I'm just looking forward to having a second income again, although I am a bit uncomfortable that all and sundry at work will share the joy of knowing Mr McMuffin.

I have been gaining in health and returned to work on Thursday. My blood tests came back fine, which was fantastic, but I still have no idea what is wrong with me. I think my loved ones are beginning to suspect it's a serious case of hypochondria, but I know it isn't. Of course a real hypochondriac would say that, wouldn't they?

After a pleasant evening with chums last night, Mr McMuffin went to bed leaving me to tidy up. When I got to bed he was talking loudly in his sleep. I think this is funniest thing he said (his eyes were wide open too): I am a famous horseback rider! I'm quite taken with the idea that in Mr McMuffin's dream world he's a cowboy, a jockey a dressage expert and famous with it. I've only ever seen him on a horse once in real life and let me tell you, he made me look like an accomplished horsewoman and I can't even get to grips with trotting.

I've also solved Gypsy Tart and Rock Cake's problem with wedding invitation designs by being a creative genius. I can't share how, or you would steal the brilliant idea and make millions, but given the confidence my success has inspired, I'm taking a crack at world peace next. Before I do that I'm going down to Canterbury for the day to meet with our chum who's over from Ireland. I'll see if she has any helpful suggestions.

shock, horror...

I've just been listening to the new Oasis album Don't Believe The Truth. Is it just me, or is it actually quite good?

the good news

I got the job. We just have to agree money, but that shouldn't be a problem. I will probably be starting on Monday. It was all a bit strange, because this is the place where I started my career in social work and a lot of the people I used to work with are still there. I even bumped into a couple of them. I will now be working with Ms Ginger Cake, which will be nice. Perhaps more importantly, Mrs McMuffin will now be one of my bosses...sort of. I just hope she doesn't take to bossing me around at home too.

The other good news is that Homechoice is now available in our area. I've lusted after this service for a year or so. Just imagine a 4Mb broadband connection, TV, movies and telephone calls delivered over the telephone line and for only £60 per month. The icing on the cake is that the set top box is lovely. Very Apple-ly. It's all very futuristic. Of course, now that I can have it, I'm having second thoughts. They don't do Sky One, and that was the main reason that we got Sky in the first place. All the big SF shows are shown on Sky One first. Maybe I can get used to waiting along with all the other plebs. I guess I'll have to sleep on it. Oh, and talk to Mrs McMuffin about it too, of course.

mmm...very odd

I think I've said this before, but something very strange has been going on with our stats. In March we were poodling along at around 500 hits each day but then suddenly in April our daily hits more than doubled. I can only think that the secret of our success has been to post less often and to post nothing of any particular interest. You can have that tip for free.

I've got an interview for a job this afternoon. I'm doing this instead of preparing for the interview. Ah well back to work.

happy slinky

Slinky has been celebrating my recent poorly sickness by draping himself across me at every opportunity. He acted betrayed today when I improved and spent a lot of the day on my feet, but gave a big mew of appreciation when I collapsed and slept for most of the early evening. This is not unconditional love and makes me wonder even more about how we allowed this tiny tyrant into our lives.

Ooops...

I love Tiger, the new Mac OS. I've been playing with it quite a lot over the last couple of weeks, and last night I have finally managed to break Spotlight. I'm not sure what happened, but I think it had something to do with the way in which I deleted a couple of smart finder folders which contained saved searches. I just dragged them into the trash, which I promptly emptied. Suddenly Spotlight stopped working. My poor little machine suffered several kernel panics and would just hang when I tried to restart it. Nothing I did seemed to make any difference. I decided that the best way to deal with the mess was to reload Tiger. The only problem was that I couldn't change the start up disk. I tried everything. I then plugged in my USB keyboard and held down 'c' and I was off. Turns out that a bluetooth keyboard is no good for anything while the machine is booting up. Who'd have guessed?

spring

This is the first time I have put a picture in to a post. It's not the nicest in the world, but it was the sight I saw before screaming for Mr McMuffin to come and look at the spiders. I don't like spiders at all, but these spiderlings weren't too bad from a distance. Sadly they'll grow up to be ugly and have those horrible squishy bodies that just make you want to splat them.

Having now read David's comment on the poor mother, I don't want to splat them any more. Poor thing, even if she has the misfortune to have a nasty squishy body.

look what i found...

These are just common garden spiders, but they're amazing. When I started to take the photos they started to swarm and even though they're only a couple of millimetres across I was a little scared that they would jump onto my hand. Another thing, even if I do say so myself, my photos are much better than the ones on the BBC website!

memories...

I had forgotten how good Supertramp were. I was giving them a blast last night while Mrs McMuffin was in the bath, ignoring her pathetic attempts to get me to turn it down. I don't know if I've told you that when I first came down to England to study to be a silversmith the college accommodation officer decided that it would be a good thing for me to share a bedroom with another Scottish boy. Fortunately we got on really well, although there was an incident with a broom which I probably shouldn't mention. I've lost touch with him over the years, but I still think about him everytime I see a van for the company with almost his name. One of the things we had in common was our obsession with music. We used to rush home at lunchtime to have a blast of, amongst many other things, Supertramp. We would lie on our beds with our eyes shut and just let the music wash over us. Our favourite song was School from their masterpiece Crime of the Century album. I am surprised to hear how well it still stands up after 21 years. That keyboard break still sounds fantastic.

deceit

I was very accepting because I never expected to be lied to. Let the divorce proceedings begin!

On a happier note, although I have very mixed feelings about this Labour Party, I am relieved that we do not have a Tory government. While I was vehemently anti war, I have been in a position to see some of the positive changes they have been making in social policy filtering through. I have also been stunned by the complete lack of interest in our politics by a lot of political US blogs. I'll never sympathise with them for having W as President again, indifference will be my motto and I shall politely yawn at complaints of the handiwork of the GOP and their nasty accessories, the Fundamentalist Christians. Oh well, I'll say, nice weather we're having, do you want a cuppa?

how can i tell her?

I know, I'll post about it on our blog. I have been very bad. We couldn't connect to the internet last night or this morning. I just couldn't work out what was wrong. Mrs McMuffin was very accepting of my story that it must be something wrong with BT. The sad truth is that I was tinkering. I was trying to change the port settings on our router. It even had a little message warning me not to do it unless I knew what I was doing. The good news is that I've fixed it and we are now part of the connected generation again. The only problem is, now that I know how to get it all working again, I am sorely tempted to tinker. Will I never learn?

the politics of poo

Another in a series of political posts cynically designed to increase our site traffic and further our efforts to join the heavy weight political bloggers. The ones that make money from their sites. The UK general election takes place today. I have been struggling to make up my mind about how I should vote. I was inspired to write this little poem about how I feel about the choices available to me. I think I could be a natural poet. I did this one really fast. It only took me a couple of minutes to do. That's quite good, I think.

The Tories are poo
The Liberal Democrats are pooey too
and so is UKIP
but the pooiest has got to be Labour
I’ll be voting for them then.

lunch...

Slinky and I had chicken for lunch yesterday. When I wasn't looking he did drag the carcass into the house and I found fragments of chicken bones all over the dining room.

a little visitor...

I was just sitting the other day watching the birds flying around our garden and thinking I really should carry my camera with me more often. It now seems that I don't need to bother because eventually everything will come to me. This little fella flew in through the open back door, and immediately regretted it. Before he left I managed to get this shot of him sitting on the kitchen windowsill.

vote vote vote

Less than twelve hours until polling stations open and we get to exercise our right to vote. I always have a sense of great privilege, in that it's so easy for me to do this amazing thing and that even now so many of us are denied this basic right to have a say in the way our countries are run. I know it's a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea for those of us voting, but it's still exciting.

my sister, the thief

Gypsy Tart made a confession tonight. She stole from me on Friday. She said this without shame and shocked me deeply. Since she gave up smoking she has done very well, but apparently the idea of going to see the Buzzcocks and not having a cigarette was too much for her, so she stole a single cigarette from my packet and put it in her pocket. She said that she knew it was foolish to even consider that I would enable her by providing a fag and in any case she relished the excitement of being bad, very bad. So this is the true tale of how Gypsy Tart found a crushed and broken cigarette in the pocket of her jeans on Sunday morning before she put them in the wash.

She also reminded me of how she used to steal from our mother. She used to reach into the bottom of her handbag and take the loose change to feed her sweetie habit. I quizzed her as to how she got permission to go to the shops to buy the sweeties, as she wasn't allowed until she was about nine and she told me that she sneaked out from about the age of six. She would pretend she was going to see a friend and spend her ill gotten gains on sweets.

I should have realised that she would put sweets before anything when we had the unfortunate experience of being propositioned by a paedophile. To give you the context, my father played cricket and all us cricket orphans would run wild around the back of the clubhouse. The perverts of the area clearly knew this and one was waiting on the riverbank to offer us 50p to get icepops, while he masturbated himself as an extra enticement. Now, I was only about ten and I knew this man was wrong. Being the big sister I told Gypsy Tart and our other chum that we were late and our Mums would be worried. I can still see Gypsy Tart reaching for the 50p. She said later that she would not have let him touch her, but she really wanted those icepops...

I suppose my leap into child protection work wasn't entirely unpredictable, but I always knew that I would never be backed up by two teams of cricket players armed with bats to support me again.

monday begins on tuesday

Thank the Lord for Bank Holidays, to give me time to recover from dancing (not pogoing to the Buzzcocks) and 24 hours with Mr McMuffin Jnr. I was the sensible drinker, only having the one bottle of wine over the day and I needed to be relatively more sober to prevent McMuffin mayhem, as they regressed to naughty schoolboys. Anyway, it was good fun and I'd like another day off to relax, please.

for one night only...they pogoed themselves younger

In the tradition of the great Jo Spanglemonkey, the word for today is:

pogo |ˌpəʊgəʊ| noun (also pogo stick) ( pl. -gos) a toy for jumping around on, consisting of a long, spring-loaded pole with a handle at the top and rests for a person's feet near the bottom. verb ( -goes, -goed) [ intrans. ] informal jump up and down as if on such a toy, typically as a form of dancing to certain types of rock music, esp. punk.

We went to see the Buzzcocks last night. Their frantic attempts to recapture a long gone youth just made me feel very old. A fortysomething fella, his black t-shirt clinging to his paunch, his face flushed from excertion and excitement, the skin of his head glowing through his thinning hair, came running over and wiped his sweaty forearm on the woman's bare back. She pushed him away. He said, "no, feel how sweaty I am" and he offered her his arm. She pushed him away again. A flicker of hurt momentarily dulled his excitement but his face lit up when she asked him, "aren't you knackered?" The man proudly wiped the sweat from his forehead and said, "I'm just young enough to keep going!"

The place was filled with people just young enough to keep going. It was fascinating. Old punks, still wearing their full regalia, their thinning hair coloured and gelled into all sorts of shapes, came out of the woodwork for this gig. The small hall was packed with people. I overheard a couple of the centre workers talking before I went in. One was saying to the other, "it so hot in there the smoke won't get off the ground. It looks like they don't have any legs." I only lasted about 20 minutes, before I had to retreat into the cool foyer. Mrs McMuffin headed straight to the front, along with Mr Rock Cake, Ms Gypsy Tart, and some other friends, and somehow managed to pogo the night away. She is a bit younger than me. She came out for a drink at one point and told me about the men behind her who had taken off their shirts and were pushing their flabby, hairy, stomachs into her back. She was pleased with herself for telling them off. She said, "you're too old for this and you're being incredibly sexist." Apparently, the men moved away. I don't blame them. It was strange being in that room with so many people around me. All the ordinary rules about personal space and touching other people just didn't seem to apply. A man stood behind me with his hand on my shoulder. It was okay until I became aware of it and self-consciously moved away from him.

I stood near the door so that I could make a quick escape if need be. I just listened to the band, no pogoing for me, and after a couple of songs I realised that I was smiling. What can I say, the Buzzcocks were excellent. Only Pete Shelley and Steve Diggle remain from the original line up and despite the fact that they have been playing the same songs for thirty years, and they looked like someone's dad, their energy and enthusiasm lit up the room. They could give any younger band a run for their money any day. I'm not sure where the punk bit comes into it for this band. All I could here were clever little melancholic power pop songs about love. I didn't take any photos because the light was too bad but I did shoot a couple of little movies. The light is still bad and you can't see much, but here is one of them. Don't worry, it's only 10 seconds long.

We had a great night. Do yourself a favour, if you get the chance, go and see this band.

We did drink too much, of course. That kind of goes without saying.