apple gear, a credit card, and me alone with a couple of hundred other people...what were they thinking of?

I could have done a lot of damage yesterday, but my first visit to an Apple Store, the lovely new one in Regents Street, ended with me leaving empty handed. I had decided that I was going to get myself an iPod shuffle, if they had any, and on my way to the store I had decided that I was going to get Ms Gypsy Tart one too. It didn't seem fair to turn her into an Apple lusting fool without feeding her habit a little. Imagine my surprise (not really) to find that they had sold out. The Store was great. A big open plan space on two floors with the famous trademark glass staircase. They had every flavour of Mac on display attached to toys in every variation you can imagine. I only had a little while so I didn't get the chance to play much. I did see the Mac mini in the flesh, and it is truly beautiful. I just can't believe that Apple have fitted a full computer into that tiny little space. I want one.

a question

POST REDACTED

the answer

Sublimation:

Frenzied house cleaning
Read blogs
Cuddle Slinky
Some chocolate (good advice, David)
Hot bath
Bottle of beer
Chant special mantra (f**k 'em, f**k 'em, f**k 'em all)
Recall love of friends and family and make promise to self to give some back.

spamming with friends

One of Mrs McMuffin's oldest friends moved to live in Australia with her husband a few years ago. We last saw them at our wedding nearly three years ago but we get the occasional telephone call and email from them. We also get spam from them too. Mrs McMuffin's friend has tried to set up a variety of businesses over the years, usually trying to sell stuff over the internet. She usually starts these enterprises off by trying to sell to her friends. So, we regularly receive spam from her. My dilemma has always been, and I imagine she is fully aware of this, how do I tell her to F**K OFF without offending her and causing some kind of rift in what is an otherwise okay relationship. I can't just block the email address because this is their usual contact address and we want to stay in touch with them. This morning I'd had enough, and I wrote to her asking her to stop sending us promotional stuff and to take us off her mailing lists. I don't know if anyone else has called her on this, so it will be interesting to see what response I get.

deja vu, uh huh...

As David has so rightly pointed out, Mr McMuffin has posted about these particular spammer friends before (but has now taking the rather more assertive step of pointing out to them that their spamming is not big or clever). As I have nothing new to say, I was rather concerned that this post about work, a day out, Slinky and margaritas might be seen as a repetition, rather than an original reworking of these familiar themes.

I was rather drunk when I wrote it, (having decided that two beers, half a bottle of wine and about four small glasses of pudding wine were a reasonable accompaniment to dinner on Friday and regretted this hugely on Saturday morning) but it actually still makes sense. I wonder how much more productive and decisive I would be if I was drunk at work, I am beginning to think that my general sobriety is holding me back.

I have no idea how I managed to get up on Saturday morning and clear up most of the mess from the night before and still get ready to leave ridiculously early (for a Saturday morning) to attend some auctions with Gypsy Tart, her chum and Rock Cake. Mr McMuffin was allowed to come on the understanding that he did not get carried away by the twin possibilities of spending money and gambling that going to an auction affords. We both bid on a lot each and were outbid by people who were clearly just trying to annoy us by refusing to give in. Gits.

Our little excitement over, we wandered around Greenwich looking at interesting and generally useless things on the stalls before stuffing ourselves at the Vietnamese buffet. Ms Ginger Cake kindly met Mr McMuffin and I and transported us in her big car to a massive cash and carry type place, where we hoped that we could load her big car up with a dishwasher. There wasn't much choice, but it looked as if we could get a bargain. We decided against the bargain and when I googled the product, I found that the Co-op sells it £10 cheaper and delivers. Good old Co-op gets my bid. Sadly I now have at least another week of washing dishes by hand, forgetting to buy gloves and having itchy dried up skin.

I now can't be bothered to write about margaritas (couldn't drink any, liver to think of) and Slinky (now sneaking into our bed due to coldness of ambient temperature). Relief all round I should think.

you can thank me personally

I like to think that I did my bit by not watching, even though Gypsy Tart phoned me for the score while she was out and then insisted on watching the last ten minutes in my house. Does she not know how dangerous my involvement is for Wales?

cat pandering

Mrs McMuffin has managed to create a rod for my back. She has taken to pandering to Slinky's desire to live on a liquid diet which consists solely of the gravy stuff from the turkey and gravy catfood he used to like. He will not touch the meaty chunks of goodness, but prefers to lick off all the gravy leaving behind a bowl of dried up bits of cardboardy stuff. Mrs McMuffin has decided that this will not do, and has started to give him fresh food every time he moans, which is several times a day. He then does exactly the same thing. I keep telling her to stop it, but will she listen.

i wouldn't bother if i was you

Shopping in Waitrose at 9.30am on a Saturday morning is one of life's wonderful luxuries. The aisles are clear and the store is full of delicacies piled high awaiting the arrival of the unwashed chav masses. I had set off an hour earlier to see a client in North London but there was a fire on the line and the trains were being delayed. I couldn't face the idea of spending my Saturday hanging around waiting for trains so I decided to cancel the appointment. There I was enjoying a quiet browse when I happened upon the literature section of the store. They have some great cooking books. I found what looked like a lovely little book called Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down by Stuart and Jenny Payne (who are also known as Nicey and Wifey). It's basically a book about having a sit down, a biscuit and a nice cup of tea. These people have such a passion for sitting down, eating biscuits and drinking tea that I was immediately hooked. Imagine my surprise to find out that it is all based on a relatively well known website (or is it a blog?). As much as it pains me, me who had decided that I would never buy a book based on a website or a blog, it's all rather wonderful. It is just so terribly British in that ever so slightly surreal kind of way that really only the British can do. It's very funny, and informative, and I think you should rush out and buy it now. For goodness sake, it is so good I bought the book before I realised its celebrity.

the arcade fire

Yes...I've found another new band, and they are amazing. Guitars, strings, weird gothic lyrics, singers you can't quite hear properly, and songs that seem to change before your very ears. Who could ask for more. Great stuff. I haven't listened to it properly yet, but on first, or second hearing, this is the song that sticks. I'm not sure why, although I suspect it's because the lyrics strike a chord somewhere:

All the neighbors are startin' up a fire, burning all the old folks the witches and the liars. My eyes are covered by the hands of my unborn kids, but my heart keeps watchin' through the skin of my eyelids.

By the way they're called The Arcade Fire.

ha...we outwitted him...puny feline

We won! After four days of starving himself, Slinky has spent the last 20 minutes stuffing himself until he is fit to burst. He's eaten the gravy and little bit of turkey flavoured cardboard stuff. He is now trying to sit on the keyboard, crying into my face because I imagine he wants to lie down with me in front of the TV. I must admit that I nearly gave in this morning because I heard him jump the fence to go back to his old home (his owners home, it must be said) looking for something to eat. I had a little pang, and the thought crossed my mind that if we don't feed him what he wants he'll leave us. Disaster averted.

happy birthday to the missus

It's Mrs McMuffin's birthday today. She is still the young, lissome thing that I met all those years ago. I'm looking forward to many more birthday celebrations with her. Although I must admit that this time of year always brings back painful memories for me and Mrs McMuffin's sister, Ms Gypsy Tart. Mrs McMuffin just loves it when I share this story with friends, and now I'm going to shared it with the world, just imagine how much more she will love it. Seven or eight years ago, the three of us met up in a pub to celebrate Mrs McMuffin's birthday, have a drink, give her presents, that sort of thing. I had got her the height of technological advancement, a mobile phone. As she ripped off the gift wrapping to reveal the present I could see the look on her face change to a scowl. She turned to me and said "what the f**k is this?" To be fair she had told me on many occasions that she never wanted to own a mobile phone, but I just didn't believe that anybody in their right mind wouldn't want one. We recovered from that moment, and moved on to her opening Ms Gypsy Tart's present. We were all pretty tense as she opened the present, hoping that this would be something that she liked. Imagine our surprise when she turned to her sister and uttered that immortal line, "what the f**k is this?" It turned out to be an exercise video that Ms Gypsy Tart thought Mrs McMuffin had admired once. Ms Gypsy Tart and I had to have several years of psychotherapy to recover from that moment. For years, Ms Gypsy Tart would run screaming from the room if anyone mentioned a birthday, and she is no longer sure how old she is because she can't bear to think about it.

Anyway, happy birthday, darling.

penblwydd hapus i mi

Thanks for the birthday greetings. I am very surprised to find nice comments after Mr McMuffin's expose of my response to my worst birthday ever. Single Cookie has also reminded me of the time that a mutual friend bought me a present on her birthday. I still don't know why she imagined that I would have a party at Single Cookie and Gypsy Tart's flat, but it was funny to see the look on her and Single Cookie's faces and then mine, when Single Cookie kept the gift!

I took today off work, as I wanted some time to myself after the incessant demands at work. I read one of the books Mr McMuffin bought me (best ever presents) and went to the shops for an hour or so. When I returned I found that Slinky had knocked the bin over and scattered the contents over the kitchen in his bid to get at the chicken carcass, or perhaps as a little present for me. Anyway, this has been a lovely, quiet day and for once I don't have a party to clean up for (and after) this weekend, as Mr McMuffin is working. I am still lissom, so it's all good.

is this a little strange?

I work in a local authority civic centre, it houses all the usual departments. I had reason to pop along to see a housing worker yesterday to ask her about an email that she had sent to me about one of my clients. I introduced myself and told her what I wanted. She said "can you send me an email?" I was a little bit taken aback by this and pointed out to her that I was standing next to her, so why would I send her an email. She said that she was snowed under with work and asked me again to email her. I said okay and left. I did send her an email, and another two, over the course of an hour or so, and she answered every question that I had. Is that a little strange, or what?

(Even stranger is your pretence at being me, Mr McMuffin. Log in under your name, please)

food fad

Slinky has now branched out and discovered the delights of poppadums and naan bread tonight. Contrary is not the word. Let's hope that this agrees with his digestive system.

she is so contrary or a touch of apple lust

After five trips to the Apple Store in Regent Street I finally managed to get myself an iPod shuffle. I bought two, one for Ms Gypsy Tart. I sort of felt responsible for introducing her to the beautiful little machine. When I got home, I gave her the gift. A few moments later she whispered to me, "I think she thinks you got her one too." Ms Gypsy Tart then asked a few strategic questions and yes, Mrs McMuffin did think that she had an iPod shuffle too. She had even gone so far as to give it a cute little name. Imagine my guilt. Why would she think that I had got her one? She wasn't remotely interested in the little machine at all, or in listening to music on the move. Anyway, Ms Gypsy Tart, good sister that she is, decided that Mrs McMuffin should have her machine. Isn't that kind? I eventually owned up to my faux pas, and Mrs McMuffin revealed that she had fallen in love with how beautiful it looked. She hadn't realised how cute it would be. We have resolved the dilemma. Ms Gypsy Tart will have the iPod and Mrs McMuffin will have a new pair of shoes. She is such a girl.

it's got worse

Mr Rock Cake has been brave, but it's clear that he has Apple Lust too. It's worse than just a need for an iPod shuffle, he needs to have some Apple in yer ear headphones too. (Oh, I forgot to mention that I got some new headphones the other day. I was wandering around the Apple Store and I just had to buy something). So we've decided that Ms Gypsy Cake will get him an iPod shuffle and we will get him some head phones. He'll be so made up. By the way, have I mentioned that I threw a cup of coffee over my lovely wireless keyboard? It worked for a couple of hours, in a haphazard kind of way, until it gave up the ghost. I also bought a new keyboard today. Me and Apple are best friends, we are. I love Apple. I don't care that they rob me at every turn. It's worth it to be the kid on the block with all the best toys.

14.02.05 This post was edited for even worse that usual writing. I just couldn't leave it.

new shoes

These are the pretty shoes I liked, just before I looked them up on the site. Now I am just not sure. A bit too girlish, perhaps?

I spend today recuperating from the effects of the maddest Friday at work, for a long time. Why can't some schools understand that if an abused child comes to your attention on Thursday, you should not wait until twenty to five on the Friday to make a report to Social Services. It's not f**cking rocket science, is it? So anyway, once again I have put off the home improvements that I fantasise about having the energy to do and dedicated my day to reading and lounging. Mr McMuffin and I have finally got round to watching Love me if you dare (Jeux d'enfants) which was good. La vie en rose plays as a refrain throughout the whole film, so imagine how shocked I was not to find it in iTunes. That Mr McMuffin is a deleting fool.

sick person (not me for flipping once)

Poor Mr McMuffin has been sick. He prides himself on rarely being ill and is a malevolent monster when he is, so I was pleased to hear that he now feels better after 12 hours of shivering, sore throat and general nasty illness.

I've been busy reading the books I got for my birthday and am now on my last one.My life in orange was good, as was The spiral staircase, but I found Sharon and my mother in law a bit of a disappointment. Last night I picked up The time traveller's wife reluctantly, as it's a book I probably wouldn't have chosen myself, but I am a third of the way through already and finding it hard to put down.

I think I am a bit of a good time girl when it comes to books, I can't seem to resist them. Perhaps even promiscuous (although I draw the line at war/action/boy's stuff I would read one of these books if there was nothing else on offer). However, promiscuous is one of those words best used in a fairly neutral context.

Most people have no need to know that the Department of Health asks for all referrals to be coded and most of the codes are absolute crap. The most popular code we use is CIN-SU N5 SA,
which stands for Child in need, family dysfunction and CPR N1 (child in need, abuse/risk), but there is a code CIN-SU N6 (and I think it's SD) that stands for Child in need, Promiscuity. Can you believe it? I've never actually known anyone to use this code and I have never understood the need for it. How would or could you decide that a child is 'promiscuous'? Clearly the great minds at the DOH have a rationale for this, I just wish they would share their wisdom with us. Perhaps then we might be able to challenge their thinking.

been amusing myself

I have been amusing myself instead of working on a report. I'm still not fully recovered from the little bug thing that attacked me over the weekend, so I am finding it quite hard to concentrate on work. Instead I have been trying to reproduce the iTunes Store Essential playlists. They're pretty good, although they have a very US bias. Each list has over 70 songs in it. So far I've done the Acoustic Afternoon and Air Guitar lists. My musical tastes are just so mainstream. I had 45/74 of the acoustic list and 48/74 of the air guitar list. During the last hour or so I have downloaded a whole load of new music and the lists now stand at 55 and 68 respectively. I am going to stop now, although every anal bone in my body is screaming out at me to complete the lists.

bt are wonderful...i bet they don't hear that very often

We get our broadband through BT. They wrote to us a couple of days ago to tell us that our 1Mb broadband is going to be increased to 2Mb and the price is being reduced by £5 a month. That's the kind of service I like. Just thought I'd share that with you.

i should be working

I'm taking a couple of hours at home today to try to get on with the report that I should have written the other day, but I have been distracted by the internet. I've just bought my first full price CD in ages from Amazon. I couldn't wait any longer, having discovered that the lead singer of Sunhouse has a new band called Clayhill, I just had to buy their EP and album. Can't wait to hear them.

morphine

I finally have a I did a great long post story. Yes, I did a great long post and then closed Safari without saving it. Why did I do that? Well, in my defence I had drank half a bottle of wine and was feeling a little drunk. I had decided to allow Mrs McMuffin to sleep for an hour or so before eating because she has had a headache all day. I played on the computer and drank wine all by myself. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all about my latest musical discovery, or rather musical miss. I have had heard of Morphine but kind of assumed that they were one of those grungy bands that fell by the wayside after Nirvana appeared on the scene. I have to thank Jo Counting Sheep for reminding me of their existence. I have now downloaded all of their albums and I've been listening to nothing else over the last couple of days. This is a great band. If you like your rock deep and blue then you'll love this. No guitars, well, almost no guitars, and no keyboards, and yet some how they manage to make the most amazing sounds with only drums, a two string base and a sax. Here are a couple of tracks for you to sample: Candy and Hanging on a curtain. Hope you enjoy them.

would this drive you a little mad?

It has always bothered me that Mrs McMuffin feels the need to leave a tiny bit of food on her dinner plate. It just doesn't make any sense to me. How can the smallest mouthful of a meal you have enjoyed be too much. I know the all the arguements, and yes she is very slim, while I struggle to keep my weight down, but it is just very odd. I just had to take a photo of her latest crime against clean plates.

is this a waste of time?

I've just spent the last three hours compiling a list of the 100 Greatest Guitar Tracks Ever. This month's edition of Q Magazine is running a feature and I thought I would try to compile the complete list. We already had 62 of the tracks. I bought some off those Russian sites and downloaded a few from those wonderful free sites. I have now completed the entire list. I just love the internet. The idea that I can find practically any music I want and download it is amazing. I could never have imagined this in my wildest dreams when I was a kid. Anyway, the list is pretty good, but I can already see a few glaring omissions. No Hey Johnny Park by the Foo Fighters and no Inside by Stiltskin. Got any ideas what else should be on the list? Here's the list in PDF.

well i never

Congratulations. You are the you smell like butt bunny. You're brutally honest and always say what's on your mind.

which happy bunny are you?

i'm at home too

Yes, I am actually working at home and getting stacks done despite Mr McMuffin's constant interruptions to tell me what he's doing. I am amazed at his capacity to spend hours searching for tracks when he should be working. I can't believe we agreed he should take Fridays off to see clients and write his dissertation and that I actually fell for this.

As far as I can tell, Fridays are his fun days. He is actually doing some cleaning up (trying to pretend that this is part of his usual Friday routine-as if I don't actually live in this house and know that it never usually sees a clean during the week), but not the cat poo in the junk room, that's my job apparently.

I've also decided that it's going to be my job to dispose of the stinking Slink. I don't care if he's frightened of the evil black cat that lurks outside, it's no excuse for pooing in the house and he's going to have to die. Horribly. In a bucket full of his own poo.

well i never

You're a Boston Terrier puppy

Aggressive, wild, and rambunctious. Deep down, you're just a cuddle monster. What Breed of Puppy Are You?

look at me, I'm a lovely puppy

You Are a Husky Puppy

Sweet, affectionate, and docile. But when you see a cat or chicken, it's kill kill kill!!!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Just as I always suspected, if I were a puppy, I would be lovely.

give me (holiday) sunshine

It's a good job that I am a lovely husky puppy, as it's got a bit colder down here and I've seen the first proper snowflakes this winter. I'm hoping we'll get about two feet of snow tonight and I won't have to go to work tomorrow. In reality, there'll be half a teaspoon of snow smeared on the grass, a slice of ice on my windscreen and I'll have no excuse to stay in my snug bed.

I don't really need an excuse not to be in work though, as I've just discovered that I have eighteen (18!) days annual leave to take before April. It's no wonder I've been so jealous of Gypsy Tart and her holidays (the bam is going to Madeira this weekend with Rock Cake) a holiday is what I need.

minister, me

Oh please, please let me be minister of the special relationship.

a foodie question

Who knows what hogget is?

i just don't believe it

Several months ago I signed up for a service called MP3.com. According to the advertising, you give them an annual fee, I think it was $16, and they give you access to unlimited downloads, music, film that sort of thing. Now, I was new to the file sharing business at the time, and I thought that this looked like a good deal so I signed up. Turned out the whole thing was a con. Once I paid my money I was allowed access to a webiste that gave me advice about file sharing apps, all of which are available for free on the internet already. I sent them a stinking email, and they wrote back telling me that they were sorry that I wasn't happy with their service They had the nerve to direct me back to their website. A few weeks ago I found an advert for the same people on the Kerrang website. I wrote to the webmaster complaining and I was pleased to see that the advert was pulled a couple of days later.

Yesterday, I was really pleased to see the return of a well known bit torrent site. I'm not sure why it had closed down, but as these sites come and go I was not surprised. Anyway the new site was offering a subscription service. I just assumed that this must be how they had got around the legality of what they are doing. I immediately signed up and paid my $19 annual fee. I'm sure this will not come as a surprise to anybody reading this, don't laugh, I was directed to the MP3.com website.

I can't believe that I fell for it again. There is a lesson to be learnt from this, although I'm not sure what it is. I guess I am just too stupid.

greedy northeners...

...taking all the snow. We've been promised blizzards down south and all we get is a puny scraping about half an inch thick. It's rubbish. It's snowing right now and if it were raining it would be spitting, it's just not good enough. I'll never get to go sledging again.

quilts

I was listening to BBC Radio 4 this afternoon and happened on an amazing show about the quilters of Gee's Bend. Their story is fascinating, and you can hear it here, if you fancy. You will need to have the RealOne player to listen to it. I want one of those quilts, although I have been thinking that maybe I could make my own. How hard can it be?

a hogget...

...is a lamb over a year old, but under two, when, of course, it becomes mutton. I only found that out the other day. Fascinating, eh?

hogget

That wasn't very clear, so here is a nice simple explanation of it all:

Lamb is the meat from the ovine that is less than one year old. It has a mild flavour and low in internal and external fat. Requires short cooking times

Hogget is the meat from the ovine that is one to two years old. It has a more intense flavour than lamb, low to medium in internal and external fat. Requires longer cooking times than lamb and more suited to roasting, stewing and braising

Mutton is the meat from the ovine that is more than two years old. It has a very strong flavour, is high in internal and external fat. Requires extended cooking times and more suited to curing, 2nd class roasting (slow and low heat), stewing and braising. These cooking methods will render the excess fat which may be spooned or scooped and discarded, they will also ensure the meat is nice and tender.

ha...we have snow too

Thought you might like to see the terrible weather conditions we are having to live under. There is at least half an inch of snowfall here. Everything is in chaos. We're not sure how we are going to survive this terrible winter.

here comes summer

Now that I've seen some snow, I want winter over and to see a bit of sun and feel a bit of warmth on my skin. I have completely hibernated this season, aided and abetted by EB. Now I want to leave the living room and sit in the garden, have Monday Night Club, go for walks, even flipping mow the grass. Until then, I shall continue to enjoy winter food (heavy on the mashed potato), lying on the sofa wrapped in my blankie and having impromptu film festivals with Mr McMuffin.

One of the things I love about Mr McMuffin is his eclectic attitude to art, he seems incapable of snobbery in this matter and nowhere is this more obvious than in his love of film. He watches everything and anything from the sublime to the ridiculous. His latest ridiculousness was a film starring those acting heavyweights, The Rock and Mr J Knoxville. Amazingly, he found something of value in this nonsense (and it wasn't the sweet smile of The Rock-the only thing that kept me going). Tonight's fare includes the second Bridget Jones, the US remake of The Grudge (for comparison) and Code 46. High culture indeed!

first film

Bridget Jones: the edge of reason. Good actors struggling with a poor script. 5/10 must try harder.

second film

Code 46, I'm sure that the makers would like comparisons to Blade Runner, Gattaca and Until the End of the World, but it's not a patch on any of these and it has no soul. 5/10, just for daring to be a bit different, plus Tim Robbins looks quite nice.

third and final film

The US version of The Grudge was pretty scary and came close to recreating the original film but for some reason they left out one of the scariest scenes in any movie ever. Why did they do that? Anyway, well worth seeing. I'd give it 8/10. If you are going to see it, why not just watch the original Japanese film?

we need something new

I've been thinking a lot recently about the way in which I buy and use music. By the way, I am sitting here in my dressing gown drinking my fourth cup of coffee and listening to Rufus Wainwright's new album Want Two. I've been up since 6am, because that evil f**king cat insists on getting me up so that I can stir up the food in his bowl. He doesn't like it when it looks a bit dry. A quick stir and he is happily munching away. I can't remember the last time I woke up at my own pace.

Now, back to the topic. I have realised that since I digitalised my music collection that I no longer want to buy single songs or even single albums. When I discover an artist new to me, I want to download everything that they have ever recorded. In the end, I sometimes discard some of it, but I still want to have a listen to it first. I don't imagine that I am alone in this. The thing is I can't quite understand why digital downloads of music are not cheaper? Even the wonderful iTunes Store can charge £9.99 for a virtual album. I can sort of understand that new music can be costly to produce and that the record companies need to recoup this by charging a higher price, but what about older music from their back catalogues? Why am I charged the same for an album that is 20 years old as an album that was released last week? The cost of producing the older album has already been recouped many times over. I know that there is a cost involved in transfering the music into a digital format, but it's not as if we are being offered rare albums that have not already been transfered onto CD. I transfer music from CDs onto my computer all the time. It may be a bit naive of me to suggest that the record companies are only doing the same on a slightly larger scale. Most of the music that we can buy on the internet has not been remastered for downloading. It's the same music that we can buy on CD. So why are we paying almost the same price as that for a physical CD?

It seems to me that we are up against the greed of the five big record companies that make up the RIAA. They still dream of a golden age when they made huge profits from children willing to give them all of their available cash for a three minute pop song. Having gone through a slump, these companies seem to think that they have found a new way to make money from us. Why are we allowing them to do this?

Why should we pay these huge sums of money for old music, delivered without packaging, lyrics, artwork, or any of the other stuff that made buying a new album a bit of an event when we were younger?

Basically, I want a way of downloading older music cheaply. I want to be able to hear entire back catalogues and I would be willing to pay for this. Although I don't think I should have to pay more than, say around £2 for an album. Does this sound unreasonable?

communicatting

I think I have finally captured the essence of Slinky's capacity for communication. He has trained us well. We can now recognise the subtle vocal inflections that carry so much meaning. Here are a few examples of Slinky talk:

Food, food, I think I am fading away with hunger. Why won't you feed me now
I have eaten now and I want you to lie on the couch so that I can sit on your chest and sniff your breath
I have eaten now and I want you to go to bed so that I can get into bed with you
Open the back door now, I need a pee
Open the back door now, I need a poo
Open the back door now, just because
Oh woe is me
Get up now, my food needs stirring

hero

We just watched Hero. Wow! Why didn't we go and see it at the cinema? Mrs McMuffin says that we were being anti-social and wouldn't go with Mr Rock Cake and Ms Gypsy Tart. We regret that now.

sky captain and the world of tomorrow

For goodness sake, this was brilliant. We really enjoyed it. Yes, it was a "technological wonder", but more importantly it was a ripping yarn, except for that bit in Nepal which slackened the pace. And maybe next time he can write his own script rather than plundering every decent adventure film made over the last 30 years. Anyway, I'd give it 8/10.

cube zero

Third and final film of the evening was Cube Zero, the third installment in the Cube saga. I really like these films. They just retell the same story but it is an entertaining one. I'd give this 7/10.

Mmm...

You are Kermit the Frog.
You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you
have a habit of waving your arms about
maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and
"Sheesh!"

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the
Internet"

HOBBIES:
Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE:
"Hmm, my banjo is wet."


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mmm...

You are Kermit the Frog.
You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you
have a habit of waving your arms about
maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and
"Sheesh!"

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the
Internet"

HOBBIES:
Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE:
"Hmm, my banjo is wet."


What Muppet are you?
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well i never

You are Miss Piggy.
You are talented and the center of attention. At
least you'd like to think you are. You're
really just a pig.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Moi", "Moi" and
"Moi!"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Women Who Run With Frogs And The Frogs Who
Better Wise Up Quick"

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"To Have and Have More"

DRESS SIZE:
If it's expensive, it fits.

BEST FEATURES:
Eyes, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose, cheeks, hair,
ears, neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, hands,
fingers, legs, knees, ankles, feet, toes and so
on and so forth.

SPECIAL ABILITIES:
Singing, Dancing, Directing, Producing, Writing,
Starring, and Being Famous.


What Muppet are you?
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sometimes you have to go looking for that silver lining

I am aware that I have not been my cheerful self for some time. I'd like to blame it on the winter, but rather than suffering from SAD, I'm more of a sad act. Still, there are things to find humour in, if you really want to and right now I really want to.

Mr McMuffin and I haven't blogged about the visit last weekend from the not so evil Middle Brother McMuffin and his partner. This is probably because it was a bit of a disaster, thanks to MB McMuffin consuming large quantities of alcohol and becoming a bad drunk. Despite the rest of us trying to keep things under control, MB McMuffin wasn't happy until he had gone through the hectoring stage of drunkeness, followed by the self pitying sobs required for the final stage. Somewhere between the hectoring and the sobbing, I had to try very hard to keep a straight face and not laugh out loud. The conversation went something like this:

Middle Brother McM: (very slurred) I'll never tell you what the rest of the family say about you.
Me: (perkily) That's probably a good thing. I don't mind what they say, as long as I never hear it!
MB McM: (in tones of sincerity) Well, I'm not going to say anything. I've always got on really well with you. I don't think you're a snob or that you look down on the rest of us. I've always liked you and thought you were good for my brother. I think you've got good judgement.
Me: (playing it straight) Thanks, that's nice of you and I'm relieved you didn't tell me what the others think of me.
MB McM: That's alright, I didn't want to upset you.

This weekend, Mr McMuffin has been a good housekeeper and hoovered downstairs. I lugged the hoover upstairs and started to vacuum the landing. All of a sudden it was as if I'd found myself in one of those awful smoking areas at airports, the stench was overwhelming. I went downstairs to change the hoover bag and have a little chat with Mr McMuffin.

Me: Did you do something stupid with the hoover?
Mr McM: (looking guilty and making me wonder what other stupid things he does with hoovers) What? What's wrong?
Me: Did you hoover something up that you should have thrown in the bin?
Mr McM: No, it wasn't me. I couldn't stop him.
Me: Who? Oh, Dear God, you're not going to blame the cat again, are you?
Mr McM: But it was Slinky. He wanted to help me clean up. I told him not to clean the ashtray with the vacuum cleaner.
Me: So you expect me to believe it was Slinky?
Mr McM: Well, I didn't want to grass him up, because he said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. He only wanted to help.
Me: Um, well OK then.