thicko

I am thicko. I have just discovered that margueritas are spelt margaritas and everyone is too polite to tell me. I am burning with shame.

We also have a comment from someone calling himself Mr Machete' saying that the blog of truth is returning. The horror! I hope he does start it back up again and this time the comments aren't too nasty. I haven't quite forgotten being called a baby murderer by a crazy 'christian' type. To be fair, this person did repent of his nastiness, but I imagine he always thought of me as the type to shoot little children in their pushchairs, with a big gay loving gun hidden under my burkha.

Now, I don't consider myself a fag hag, as I'm very wary of people who want to be friends with others based on sexuality, race etc. I like to think that our chums are all lovely people with an evil sense of humour and that's the sole criteria for me. Some of our friends are gay and some aren't. That's that. However, I do find myself desperately, haggishly wanting to be chums one of the Fab Five men (US not UK). They are all just lovely. There's Carson, very funny with an underlying bitterness; Jai, so cute and energetic; Ted, who never quite gets the food and drink right; Kyan, eyes a little too close for true beauty and saddled with the boring job of being a shaving guru and my very favourite, Thom. I don't know why I adore Thom so much. I don't want to have his babies or anything vile like that, I haven't googled him to find out any more information about him, I don't even watch every show. It's bizarre, but I just love him.

Pages tip

I love this app more and each day, especially now that I have been inspired by David TEFL Smiler to do a really fancy CV using one of the template. Little devil that he is, he's not using the CV template, oh no, he's using one of the journal templates, and by golly it looks good. Anyway, by accident I discovered that you can roll through the documents that you have open by pressing OPTION + ~ keys. Very useful.

happy birthday Norah

It's Norah's birthday today. She has a special place in our hearts. She was the first person to comment on our site, and she was the first person we decided wasn't a nutter, so it probably was safe to give her our address so she could send us a lovely postcard. Norah had a bit of sadness in her life recently, but I hope she has a great day, and that the strawberry cake tastes good.

post it

Say your partner had a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, wouldn't you like to know what they might hope to get? For example, your partner might be interested in a little light reading such as Sharon and my mother in law, The Spiral Staircase ( I read Through the Narrow Gate many years ago and wondered what happened afterwards) and My Life in Orange. Perhaps they might like the new Ian McEwan? It just seems so tacky to leave 'I want..." post it notes lying around. Let's hope that our loved ones find a way to communicate their wishes to us and still leave us with an element of surprise.

going east

I have been very adventurous and left the house today for the first time since Monday night. I am now completely exhausted and recuperating with a slushy marguerita, courtesy of Mr McMuffin. He has been very accommodating and has agreed to travel to Poland by train. I often go to this site and dream of elegant journeys around Europe. So much more civilised than nasty, sweaty planes.

this going too far

I have just received the most amazing unsolicited email:

The Tsunamis that swept across the Indian Ocean recently killed more than 200,000 people and left millions more injured and homeless. In response to this crisis, The Five Continent Children Charity Solidarity Foundation is making efforts to collect donation for the vital task of mid- and long-term relief and reconstruction in India, Indonesia, Sri Lanka,Thailand and Somalia. To make a contribution to the Tsunami Fund online please visit our website at www.5cc.org.

Regards.

Jerry Williams

PS. The Five Continent Children Charity Solidarity Foundation will appreciate if you forward this message to at least ten people.

I just had to visit their site. They claim to be:

"...an international, non-profit orientated, independent charity organisation, non-political and without any religious affiliation, registered in The Hague, The Netherlands (Registration no. 27267127). The founding members are a Dutch, with African roots, an Indian as well as a German, spending most of his time in Africa and Asia."

It gets better than that. It looks to me as they are offering children for sale to paedophiles:

"You are invited to meet a child on a one-to-one basis. You will be provided with a photo and the background of your sponsored child. You will be in a position to communicate with your child directly, or through us, and you are free to visit your child any time you like, with our assistance, if you wish."

There doesn't appear to be anything that I can do about this. I've checked out the police and the Internet Watch Foundation but there doesn't seem to be anything they can do either.

Anyone know how to easily f**k up their site?

UPDATE: They claim to take their money through WorldPay, a division of the Bank of Scotland. I've written to the Bank of Scotland to see if they can do anything. I've also written to Google to see if they can take them off their search results.

an update on pages

I thought you might like to know that I love Pages. It doesn't do all the things that I would want from it. For example it doesn't have mail merge, integration with the address book, auto-correction or any reviewing tools, but it is lovely to use. So, I've made the leap and have set it up as the default application for opening all of my Word documents. I'll let you know how it goes.

By the way, I've worked out how to change the formating of the default blank template. It's not that difficult. I've already posted this as a comment over at TEFL Smiler but I was so pleased with myself that I thought it was worth repeating.

Here's how you can set up the default blank template to look like anything you want. You can do this with any of the other templates too.

Create your document. Format just the way you want it to look. Save it to your desktop as a template called Blank (making sure that the extension is not hidden). Then find your Pages application and Ctrl click on it:

select 'show package contents' > open 'contents' > open 'resources' > open 'English Iproj' > open 'templates' > open 'ISO' > open 'Blank' (this is were the blank template is stored)

Drag the template you created and saved onto the desktop into the Blank folder. Accept the option to overwrite the older template.

That's it.

PS Did you know that you can create multiple inspector panels by ALT clicking on the icon?

breaking the waves

Well, we managed to watch 33 minutes of it before giving up to have a fag and listen to some Jethro Tull. Mrs McMuffin, a keen advocate of women's rights. kept shouting at the TV "why the hell don't you just slap her?" We've decided to watch Near Dark instead. Nothing like a bit(e) of vampire mayhem to cheer you up.

hello...

Is there anybody out there?

blog drivel

Inspired by the incredible Spanglemonkey, who writes so beautifully, I have attempted to put together my own post title poetry. Basically, you take all your post titles, grab a few and in my case create a load of bollocks. Here is:

Shadowkissing

I forgot to mention
I don't believe in Brenna
Angel no more

Do you remember
Mariah Carey on flies and death?
Does this make sense?

Maybe the Mormons are right
If Jesus is my friend
We are hardly evil at all.

All part of the service, sir,
This is not how we celebrate our love.

Mystic River is polluted
The room of my shame, my latest obsession.
Women died for this, you know.

I am transformed
You are saved
Wyoming is dead to me.

It's certainly taken my mind off the BOWWDNS and the chaos that I shall return to on Monday. (Bugger, this is me Mrs McMuffin, should have logged on in my name).