object of desire

Apple have finally released the new version of the iMac. As predicted, it is an all-in-one unit powered by a G5 processor. It is truly beautiful. I want one. I have been debating with myself about whether I need to have a 20" screen or whether a 17" screen more than big enough for the kind of computing that I do. I have decided to plump for the 17" model, after all this is the equivalent of a 19" CRT. I have used the money I will save to buy more memory, a larger hard drive, an Airport Express station, a wireless card and bluetooth module with keyboard and mouse. This would be an incredible set up. Have I mentioned that I want one. Now all I have to do is find the money.

• 1GB DDR400 SDRAM - 2 DIMMs
• 160GB Serial ATA drive
• AirPort Extreme Card
• AirPort Express Base Station with AirTunes
• Bluetooth Module + Wireless Keyboard & Mouse + Mac OS
• 17-inch TFT display
• 1.8GHz PowerPC G5
• DVD-R/CD-RW drive
• GeForce FX 5200 Ultra - 64MB DDR

Price: £1,497.00

By the way, why is the US version about £300 cheaper than the UK version in real money.

christ.

We are watching 'The Sadistic Torture of the Christ' and are quite enjoying it. So there aren't any car chases or big explosions and it's delivered in Latin and Aramaic, with simple subtitles for the less able reader, but it seems fine so far. Satan is very creepy and Jim Caviezel has always been a McMuffin favourite despite his unsavoury religiosity. We have always thought of him as the actor most likely to succeed at playing Jesus (Yayshush).

Mr McMuffin thinks that this may be a good companion piece to 'The Last Temptation of Christ'. I haven't seen this, but if it explains that Jesus wasn't a 33 year old single man living with his Mummy, then it has my vote.

Despite my cynicism about the greatest story ever told, it's quite moving and we haven't been bored yet. Mr McMuffin has dropped his recent recent attempts to alter the outcome of films by shouting at the screen (watching 'Speed' the other night he attempted to cut two thirds of the film by yelling at the bus driver not to go above 50 mph and so arm the bomb) and has not been shouting at Jesus to lie about his beliefs.

I have been forced to post in Mr McMuffin's name as typepad are refusing to recognise me for some reason. They have now denied me three times.

For those of you who haven't read the book or seen the film, I don't want to give the whole story away, but please be reassured that in spite of the gore, there is a happy ending and Jesus isn't a redhead.

why is it...

That the endings of films never seem to change no matter how many times you see them, but song lyrics seem to change all the time. No sooner do you think you know all the lyrics to a song, and are happy to sing along at the drop of a hat, than they change. What's that all about?

am i redeemed?

will typepad allow me to post?

friday night ipod shuffle 3

Good grief, nearly forgot to do my Friday night iPod shuffle. Well, here they are. Unfortunately, I don't have covers for many of these songs, so the picture is a little bit sparse. 'Whatever happened to Corey Haim?' is off the new Thrills album. It really begs the question, whatever happened to Corey Haim? I could do some research on the internet I suppose, but it'll much more fun hearing all your theories. Whatever you do, please don't tell me the truth. I'm sure that would break my heart.

01. One Man In My Heart / The Human League 4:03
02. I've Lost You / Jackie Wilson 2:40
03. Love, Love, Love Me Honey / Patsy Cline 2:06
04. Tender Is The Night / Jackson Browne 4:53
05. Hey Hey, My My (Into The Black) / Neil Young 4:37
06. Instant Whip / Scuba Z 4:21
07. Feeling Yourself Disintegrate / The Flaming Lips 5:17
08. Out On The Floor / Dobie Gray 2:54
09. Cry Not for Me / Patsy Cline 2:31
10. Whatever Happened to Corey Haim? / The Thrills 3:34

music to shake your booty to

Did I shave my legs for this? has taken the iPod shuffle to a whole new level. She has actually posted the songs. There is some great music in this list, a lot of it I had never even heard before. Do yourself a favour and go and have a listen. But, please, try not to shake your booty off.

prison bitch

I found this through Lena at The Me Yet To Come. Apparently my prison bitch name is Mayonaise Queen. I don't know what is wrong with me, but that seems so right.

oh my god...

Norah Nick has been on a commenting frenzy. Welcome back, Norah, and for goodness sake, get yourself one of these.

good things about this weekend

It has been lovely and warm.
Gypsy Tart is back from Crete and is now an advanced open water diver.
I am not as hungover as expected after going out on a 'siblings night out' with Gypsy 'Astrel' Tart, Mrs Carrot Cake and Single Cookie.
The house is clean, the garden is ok and Mr McMuffin changed the bedding.
Mr McMuffin completed his reports so I won't have to hear him moan about how hard they are to write.
I found a pair of trousers I had forgotten and they make my bum look good.
I read a really good book.
Evil bug appears to be abating.
We have got rid of trackback so we can't be spammed by filthy porn trackback scum.

Congratulations to David TEFLSmiler for getting a job in Iceland (not the frozen food shop but the home of Bjork), well done to you.

carnivale

Just caught this new show by accident on FX289. The 12 part series is produced by HBO and is called Carnivale. We have now watched the first two epidodes and I am completely hooked. I am not entirely sure what it is about, but it reminds me a lot of American Gothic. Creepiness and supernatural goings on in a battle between good and evil. It's set during the depression and looks fantastic. A lot of money has been spent on this show. The best thing I've seen on TV for ages.

my will of butter...

Following in Kirsty's footsteps, I am going to attempt to situate myself for my loyal reader. I am sitting in a canvas chair at our too large dining table in front of my beloved iMac, which is looking a little bit clunky compared to the new beauties that Apple have recently set free. My bum is feeling a little bit numb, even though I have a cushion on the chair, because I have been sitting here for about two hours finishing off yet another report. I haven't washed yet, and my hair feels greasy. I haven't even brushed my teeth, and I can still feel the sleepy thickness, which has been made worse by the four cups of coffee and ten fags that I have smoked, so far. On the table, to my left is a vase of strange purple flowers, which are beginning to wilt a little. The vase is surrounded by a variety of candles, including one which smells of vanilla. Even though none of them are alight, every now and then I get a slight whiff of vanilla carried on the draught from the open window. In the background I have John Martyn's 1973 album Solid Air playing. In lots of ways, it is much too complicated to have on as background music because I keep finding myself focussing in on some phrase or some wonderful guitar plucking. If you don't know this album, do yourself a favour and get a copy immediately. Is that enough situating? Yeah, I think it is.

I wanted to write something about my efforts to remove the cat piss and shit from our lives. I have decided that Ra can no longer come into our house. At least now we only have to contend with the demands of Slinky. This is my third day of picking Ra up and putting him outside every time he comes in through the window. I know, I know...I could close the window, but I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke. I have had to remove him from the house about thirty times so far. He is learning though. Now, he jumps in the window, sees me move, and immediately heads towards the back door. Everytime I pick him he goes all floppy, and he feels like a big teddy bear. I just want to ruffle his lovely soft fur and hug him. He is just so manipulative sometimes. He has now taken to lying on the ground just outside the back door, near to the scene of some of his greatest, and certainly smelliest, crimes against us. I feel so sorry for him. All he wants is to have somewhere comfortable to sleep during the day.

It's hard, but I will prevail.

some stats...

Just been looking at our stats and they make interesting reading. We have been blogging since November 2003 [43 weeks]: * We have made an average of 12.3 posts each week * We have had an average of 3.06 comments on each post * We have had 38266 hits, an average of 889 hits each week * This has blog has cost us £2.08 per week * I am the 5,934,983rd best looking man on the planet

i am so angry

I can feel it in my stomach. I finished another report this morning and sent it off to the legal department to file with the court. I sent them the report in Word and a PDF of the last page with my signature. The lawyer I sent it to has emailed me back asking me to send her a signed hard copy so that she can file that with the court. We exchanged a few emails, with me asking her why, and her saying it's the rules. I wrote her a sarcastic email but decided not to send it. I telephoned her instead. I told her that I had never had to do this before, and it just created more work for me. She insisted that she had to file the original document. I reminded her that we lived in an electronic age, and asked her to tell me which copy of my Word document was the original (that wasn't patronising at all). I told her that faxed documents were acceptable to the court. She just wouldn't have. In the end, I told her that I wasn't sending her anymore and that she should just file the report as it is. She told me that she has emailed my manager, and no doubt sent a letter in the post too, to complain about me.

I hate pedantic lawyers. We seem to have a lot of them where I work. I think they forget that we are not here to service them, but rather they are there to service us.

I am not an easy person to work with sometimes. I have such a low threshold for fools.

what has she done?

Mr Rock Cake and Gypsy Tart returned from their holiday to find that Mrs McMuffin has lost one of their cats. The ginger one hasn't been seen since last Friday morning, when I fed her. We have spent the evening drinking and theorising as to what might have happened to her. They returned from holiday on Friday evening, so it would be a horrible coincidence if something bad had happened to the ginger one on the evening of their return. I suspect that Mrs McMuffin has flushed her down the toilet, but can't bring herself to admit her heinous crime. Oh, Mrs McMuffin, shame on you.

day four

...and I have had to put Ra out three times so far. It took him a couple of months to work out the climbing in the windows trick, and I guess he is now reluctant to forget it.

smoking is big and clever...

and it makes you look cool. I got this from dirty monkeys

things i have learned today from other people

Some people's husbands are scum. These husbands have no problem with forgiveness after infidelity as long as it is their infidelity that is being forgiven. They are controlling and confidence destroying and should have visible tattoos explaining that they are no good for women.

I have learned that Mr McMuffin is practically a saint amongst men in comparison, despite not being very good at changing the bedding and annoying me about 20% of the time.

betrayed

I'm going to have a conversation with my mother tomorrow. I think she has lied to me all my life about something very important. I think she has lied to me about the origins of Richard 'John Boy' Thomas. I am convinced that she said he grew up in the next village along from hers in Wales and that she knew his family. Imagine how I felt when I did a little search and found out that he was born in New York. My whole world has been turned upside down and it's too late to call her. I'll never sleep now.

the lengths he will go to

Mr McMuffin spends a lot of time working at home, which means I rarely get the chance to. I arranged to work at home today, safe in the knowledge that Mr McMuffin would be in court all day. He's just returned home after finding out that the train he was planning to take won't be going anywhere, as the whole line is closed due to a derailment. Now the fight for the Mac begins. He will play the 'I've got a court statement to write' card, I can shout 'snap' as I've got one too. I also have an investigation report to complete, two complaints and a staff appraisal. I win.

Ha ha. Mr McMuffin is necessary to the whole court process today and has been asked to attend whenever he can make it. Sadly, we are not out in the middle of nowhere so there are other lines he can use to get to court...and he'd only just changed out of his suit.

I have been working happily in the garden as it's a glorious day. The wind is quite strong so I have had a little light exercise chasing confidential papers around the garden. I have discovered that my lovely Bodum cafetiere makes a bloody good paperweight

the middle ages

I was sitting having a cup of coffee when the clerk to the court phoned me. He said it was essential that I get to court anyway that I could, the Judge really wanted to talk to me. I asked him if it could be done over the telephone. He hummed and hawed and eventually said no. The Judge wanted me there. It took me 2 hours and 30 minutes to get there. The Judge was very grateful. I wasn't sworn in, and he asked me three questions, which probably took about 5 minutes in all, and then dismissed the case. Why? What was that all about? Why couldn't he have spoken to me on the telephone? (By the way, it's a long story, but neither of the parties had bothered to turn up to this, the final hearing.)

friday night ipod shuffle 4

It's that time of the week again. Interesting mixture of music. Sometimes I have no idea how some songs end up on my iPod. I can only assume that they are part of a compilation or something that I put on to the machine. Yet again, I don't have all the covers for the songs, so the picture is a little sparse.

01. That's What They Say / The Jeff Healey Band...4:28
02. I Can't Find My Way Home / Teenage Fanclub...4:38
03. (Crazy For You But) Not That Crazy / The Magnetic Fields...2:18
04. Open Your Heart / The Human League 6:48
05. Would You... ? / Touch & Go 3:13
06. Take Your Time / Buddy Holly & The Crickets...1:59
07. Come on Home / Cyndi Lauper 4:37
08. Hey Now! / Oasis 5:41
09. The Stars Look Down / Rush 4:28
10. Look Back Over Your Shoulder / Archie Bell & The Drells...3:36

newsfire

This is why I have come to love Macs and all things Mac. For some reason the Windows people have never been able to get the idea of elegant apps that perform a single function really well. This is a news reader called Newsfire. It has a beautiful, simple, and dare I say it, elegant, layout. Yet, it does everything you could possible want a newsreader to do. If you've got a Mac, you should give it a go. You will not be disappointed. If you have a WinTel machine, bad luck.

welshed out

I am so confused now. I am not sure whether I should believe anything that Mrs McMuffin has ever told me about famous Welsh people. Not now that she has revealed on these pages that her mother has lied to her all these years about John Boy Walton's Welsh origins. Was Elvis Welsh? Was the discoverer of America Welsh? Were the majority of signatories to the American Declaration of Independence Welsh? The internet is of no help to me. This site claims all of the above to be true and more. By the way, the picture is of Jesse James who had Welsh parents.

boy's night in

Mrs McMuffin has gone out for meal with some people from work to celebrate a birthday in the team. She has left me at home all alone. So, I thought I would have a boy's night in. I hired a couple of films: Serendipity and Maid in Manhattan. I've seen MIM before and really enjoyed it. Serendipity is a couple of years old and stars John Cussack and Kate Beckinsdale. It didn't have great reviews when it first came out, so I have avoided watching it. I loved it. Kate was beautiful and John makes a great romantic lead. Even had a little tear in my eye when they, after many trials and tribulations, found true love. The only problem I have with these kind of films is that there is rarely any explosions or car chases in them.

welshing

Well, I spoke to my Mum today and it appears that I may have got things a little wrong. According to Mum, Richard (John Boy) Thomas didn't live near her and she didn't know the family. His family did come from Llywnhendy, the next village along though. It seems Mr Thomas did come back to visit his family and thought he'd take a little trip into Llanelli. He didn't bank on the popularity of 'The Waltons' and according to my cousin, got mobbed. I am glad to know that my Mum is trustworthy and has not deceived me.

I am a bit stunned by Mr McMuffin's soppy film collection for his night in. I took a break from cleaning and gardening and watched 'Serendipity'. I wasn't very keen on it, but then I can't bear the 'soul mate' crap that Hollywood keeps trying to sell us. Given all the people in the world it seems highly unlikely to me that there's just one person for me. No disrespect to Mr McMuffin, but I suspect there are a few men I could have had a happy life with, if I hadn't met him.

Anyway, the thing that bothered me most about the film was the Kate Beckinsale's character's name. We find out she's called 'Sara', which is fine. It's not a hugely popular name in the UK, but I know one very well (Hallo there!). However, we pronounce it 'Sar-rar' NOT 'Sair-rer'. We spell that name 'Sarah'. I know it's just a detail, but it pisses me off that they always seem to do this, create an English character and then assume that they don't need to take account of the culture. Anyone remember Daphne and her brother from 'Frasier'? I rest my case.

call me

I got a new phone today. A Sony Erickson T630, which was my free upgrade to the T610 I have been using over the last year. Very nice phone by the way. The T630 seems to be exactly the same phone with a slight makeover. I suppose the screen is a bit sharper too. Anyway, I have now set up the T610 for Mrs McMuffin, who has refused to use her phone, a Siemens C35, since I got the Sony last year. She claims that she doesn't like mobile phones, but I noticed her looking at my new phone with lust in her eyes, and then she stopped using her own, admittedly inferior, one. She almost sounded excited when I told her that I had cleared out the T610 for her and put her numbers into it. Although she later denied this.

It got me thinking about the first mobile that I got for Mrs McMuffin. I bought it for her birthday about five or six years ago. A house brick thing by Phillips, but it wasn't the biggest one around by any means at the time. We met up with Ms Gypsy Tart at a local pub after work on her birthday. I gave her my present, and she excitedly unwrapped it. She looked at it, and said "why the fuck did you get me this?" She put it to one side, and opened Ms Gypsy Tart's present, looked at it, and said "what am I supposed to do with this?" I have to put the pain of that moment to one side for now, so that I can carry on with my post. I really wanted to talk about the size of the phones. I have taken a picture of all four phones together, and tarted it up a bit. Just because, alright.

A year or so ago Mrs McMuffin's 11 year old neice was desperate for a mobile phone. She was pestering her mum and dad day and night. Out of the kindness of our hearts, we offered her the Phillips phone. Without any hesitation, she said "no, thanks." An 11 year old child turned down our telephone because it was too big and ugly. She was right, of course, but it was so unexpected.

Not sure where I am going with this, so I'll stop here.

la la la la la...

...I can't hear you, Mr McMuffin.

late breaking news...

Very, very late breaking news: to everyone's surprise, Mr Steve Tilly [42], a UK blogger with a small, but loyal, band of readers, stayed up until nearly 2am last night. When asked why he had done it, Mr Tilly snarled, "because I am dangerous and reckless...and tomorrow is Sunday so I can have a bit of a lie-in." We will bring you more on this story as it develops through the day.

the bell tolls for thee...

Kirsty has got me thinking about 11 September 2001, and the terrible events that took place in New York on that day. I can't quite understand why this is an event that warrants a world response: world mourning, or world commemoration any more. I don't know if it is possible to put the deaths of 5000 people into perspective, but this site certainly takes a shot at it. So does this one.

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

John Donne For whom the bell tolls

I guess that helps to answer my question.

spooky

I am at home today because of a common or garden cold. I am grateful that this shivering, sneezing and snotting will soon be over and I hope it will drive evil bug out of my system for good. I have sent my demands to Mr McMuffin. I want soup, flowers, eucalyptus oil and a hot water bottle as I seem to have lost the last one he bought me.

Although I have spent a lot of time sleeping, I have not been prevented from thinking almost lucid thoughts about my uncanny abilities. For example, I wrote about 'Serendipity' and the names given UK characters in Hollywood films which take little account of UK culture. I was going to write about 'Good Will Hunting' but I have to confess that I was boring myself, so gave up. Anyway, I was going to moan about the 'Skylar' character and ask what British parents ever called a child by this name (Jordan and Kylie are so much classier, don't you think?), when, lying sick on the settee yesterday, I watched the E! program about Matt and Ben and my question was answered. Matt had a (US) girlfriend called Skylar and this was why poor Minnie Driver bears this strange name throughout the film. Uncanny. I question and E! answers. They didn't tell me how tall Matt Damon was, though.

I was also idly googling 'Blogging Couples' today, as I haven't come across that many of them, when I found this site. Is it just me, or is there some strange force at work, making us create very similar sites? I can put my hand on my heart and swear we'd never seen them before, even though they have been around over four years and a very 'Happy Birthday' to them indeed.

we believe...

We found this at Spanglemonkey. It's a quiz thingy that works out how campatible your beliefs are with some of the major religions of the world. I don't know if this has been worked out properly, but it looks like a pretty slick site with lots of interesting stuff on it, so who knows. I am a bit surprised by how much Mrs McMuffin and I have in common on matters of spirituality. There really is only one, perhaps insignificant, difference between our beliefs. I wonder if you can work out what it is? Here are our percentages:

Mrs McMuffin

01. Liberal Quakers (100%)
02. Unitarian Universalism (93%)
03. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (89%)
04. Secular Humanism (82%)
05. Neo-Pagan (80%)
06. Theravada Buddhism (77%)
07. Mahayana Buddhism (77%)
08. New Age (72%)
09. Bahá'í Faith (71%)
10. Taoism (69%)
11. Reform Judaism (60%)
12. Jainism (58%)
13. Orthodox Quaker (58%)
14. Nontheist (51%)
15. New Thought (49%)
16. Sikhism (49%)
17. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (46%)
18. Scientology (43%)
19. Hinduism (43%)
20. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (38%)
21. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (32%)
22. Orthodox Judaism (28%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (28%)
24. Jehovah's Witness (26%)
25. Islam (24%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (19%)
27. Roman Catholic (19%)

Mr McMuffin

01. Secular Humanism (100%)
02. Unitarian Universalism (94%)
03. Liberal Quakers (80%)
04. Theravada Buddhism (73%)
05. Nontheist (71%)
06. Neo-Pagan (71%)
07. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (61%)
08. Taoism (53%)
09. New Age (52%)
10. Mahayana Buddhism (49%)
11. Reform Judaism (45%)
12. Orthodox Quaker (43%)
13. Sikhism (39%)
14. Jainism (35%)
15. Scientology (31%)
16. Bahá'í Faith (30%)
17. New Thought (29%)
18. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (26%)
19. Hinduism (26%)
20. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (22%)
21. Seventh Day Adventist (21%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (19%)
23. Eastern Orthodox (17%)
24. Islam (17%)
25. Orthodox Judaism (17%)
26. Roman Catholic (17%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (13%

update on keeping ra out of the house

We are now on day ten of the keeping Ra out of our house campaign. He has tried to get in two or three times every single day. His plaintive cries are beginning to wear me down. It's all so manipulative. He insists on sitting on the kitchen windowsill crying in the rain. I know they have worn down Mrs McMuffin. She will deny this, I am sure, but I think Mrs McMuffin has been turning a blind eye. On a couple of occasions I have gone out or something only to find Ra in his usual seat when I return. No wonder the cat carries on trying to get in. He has been in three times this morning so far. I opened up the back door only to find him waiting. I fed Slink. A few moments later I looked up and Ra was eating the food. Is it possible for a cat to become even more stealthy? I have just found him sunning himself just inside the back door. It's a bit like he is testing the boundaries: so I can't come in, but can I just put my foot here, oh, that's okay, well can I just sit here for a moment, oh, that's okay, well can I just have a little nap here...

I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. I must be strong. And so must Mrs McMuffin.

inoroutinoroutinorout...

I can't make up my mind. Is he in or out? Ra has now taken to sitting on the window watching us, and occasionally making a little mewling noise. I am a mess about all this cat stuff. Last night, amid shouts from both me and Mrs McMuffin, which he ignored, Slinky sprayed on a chair in the dinning room. I kicked him out of the house, and told him that we were finished. I was adamant that he was never coming back into the house again. Mrs McMuffin then worked hard to repair our relationship. She insisted on bringing him to bed, as usual. I ignored him for a few minutes, but then he just became unbearably cute, and curled up on my shoulder as I read and went to sleep, purring contentedly. This evening, seeing Ra sitting on the window nearly broke me. I told Mrs McMuffin to let him in, and to hell with the spraying fest that would follow. Fortunately she was strong, and would not allow him in. They are driving me mad. Have I ever mentioned that these cats belong to our neighbour? To confuse matter even more for the cats and me, she has gone away for a few days, and we are feeding the cats for her. I would make a very, very bad single parent.

UPDATE: Ra is sleeping peacefully on the chair next to me!

UPDATE II: Did you know that cat's pee strips varnish from furniture?

can you...

Guess this lyric? As I was driving home from work today I was listening to this song, and it suddenly occured to me that this would make an interesting occasional post. I wonder how many people actually listen to the lyrics of songs? Anyway, do you know which song this lyric comes from? There is a prize for the person who gets it right. Mrs McMuffin and I will think positive thoughts about the winner for 33 minutes on a date and time of their choosing (unless it is at a ridiculous time, of course).

And my skin is raw but my soul is ripe / No one's gonna stop me now

It is cheating if you Google it, and I will know.

friday night ipod shuffle 5 +

I can't believe how quickly the weeks pass. The days just seemed longer when I was a kid. I am sure they were at least 32 hours long and in the summer they were 33 hours long. I guess the length of the day has been subjected to cut backs in much the same way as everything else. I imagine that it won't be long until they are only 23 or 22 hours long. What do you think they do with the time they save? They probably have warehouses filled with time, where you have all day to do something, and that day lasts years. I just feel so mortal. On days like this, there really can be no doubt about it. We are all going to be dead soon. On that cheery note, here's my Friday night iPod shuffle:

01. Danger Bird / Neil Young 6:54
02. Heartbeat / Buddy Holly & The Crickets 2:11
03. Rock 'N' Roll Love Letter / Bay City Rollers 3:51
04. High On Emotion / Chris De Burgh 4:25
05. Power / Rainbow 4:29
06. Someday, Someway / The Jeff Healey Band 3:29
07. Hurts So Bad / Linda Rondstadt 3:10
08. Maria / Nuns Chorus 3:19
09. It Started with a Kiss / Hot Chocolate 4:03
10. Bok To Bach / Father's Angels 2:51

As a special bonus, and since everyone, apart from Jo, got my last one really easily, here is another lyric for you to work out:

I bet you didn't sleep good last night / couldn't wait to bring all of that bad news to my door

The prize for the first person to get it right is an indeterminate period of time inside one of those warehouses, where you can do anything you like.

after the gold rush...

I have been listening to some Neil Young this morning as I have been working on yet another bloody report. This one is more than two weeks overdue, so I really need to get it finished this weekend. I have managed to find a new and interesting way to avoid working. As I was listening to Neil it occured to me to see how many cover versions I could find of his song After The Gold Rush, which has always been one of my favourites. I managed to find twelve different versions, including a speeded up rocky version by a band called American Ambulance, although the iTunes Music Store wouldn't let me download it because I am not American, which seem a little unfair to me. In the end I was able to download ten different songs from a variety of sources, of which only nine seemed worth sharing, and here they are. My favourite version, apart from Neil's of course, is the one by k.d. lang. I think it is because I can sing along to it more easily. I just don't seem to be able to hit those high notes anymore.

I have uploaded them all as MP3 @ 128kbps. They take up quite a bit of space, so I will delete them all next weekend.

01. After The Gold Rush / Prelude 2:07
02. After The Gold Rush / Natalie Merchant 3:46
03. After The Gold Rush / Trio 3:31
04. After The Gold Rush / Flaming Lips 4:13
05. After The Gold Rush / k.d. lang 4:01
06. After The Gold Rush / Radiohead 3:42
07. After The Gold Rush / Linda Ronstadt 3:35
08. After The Gold Rush / Michael Hedges 4:08
09. After The Gold Rush / Neil Young 3:46

Perhaps I will share my collection of Ziggy Stardust cover versions, although, if truth be told, most of them are a bit crap.

top of the pops

I don't know about you, but the future almost slipped me by. There is now an official download chart. It's made up of legal downloads from a whole load of sites. This stuff used to be important to me. I remember watching Top Of The Pops every week so that I could keep track of the songs that were in the charts. I don't suppose I'll post about it again, but for now, here is the second official UK download chart for 15.09.04. An interesting mixture of stuff I think, some singles and some album tracks. This is probably going to throw all those pop guru types into a real spin.

01 These Words / Natasha Bedingfield
02 She Will Be Loved / Maroon 5
03 Golden Touch / Razorlight
04 American Idiot / Green Day
05 Lola's Theme / Shapeshifters
06 This Love / Maroon 5
07 Dumb / 411
08 Dry Your Eyes / The Streets
09 The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore / Keane
10 Leaving New York / R.E.M.
11 Bedshaped / Keane
12 Sick and Tired / Anastacia
13 Everybody's Changing / Keane
14 Laura / Scissor Sisters
15 Seven Nation Army / White Stripes Beggars
16 Let's Get It Started / Black Eyed Peas
17 You Had Me / Joss Stone
18 Sunshine / Twista
19 (Reach Up For The) Sunrise / Duran Duran
20 Flying Without Wings / Westlife

slinky watch

Poor Slinky seems to have caught a draft or something. I've noticed over the last couple of days that he seems to be walking around with his little head set at a quizzical angle. I first thought he was just being cute, you know, cocking his head in that way that dogs do, but now I realise he has something wrong with him. He does like to sleep in the strangest position, up close to the source of warmth, with his head bent back over his body. I just knew it would cause him problems one day. I gave him a little cat massage earlier on. I hope that helps. He is being so brave, hardly a word of complaint from him, although the truth is he probably couldn't whine and complain any more than he does. Tell me, is it wrong for a man to love a cat so much?

all part of the service, sir...

During my little cat massage that I gave Slinky, I found this humungous blood-filled flea. Rather than tax poor Slinky, I picked it off myself with a pair of tweezers. It cost me more than I should admit, because I decided, after I had taken his photograph, to throw the flea into the toilet. I ended up throwing the tweezers in too. I then had to put my hand into the toilet bowl to get them back. Now, that is disgusting. There is a bit of an irony here, because when I showed Mrs McMuffin the pictures I had taken of the fleas, she asked me if I had bleached the tweezers afterwards. I said, don't be daft, I gave them a bit of a wash.

PS Have I got a great camera or what?

you are saved...

...from catblogging and lists. It is I, the fairer McMuffin attempting to say something different, but sadly we have the same preoccupations. Slink has been a good little chum to me during my settee hugging days and has warmed me during the shivers by curling up on my lap. I am sorry to be so boring, as sickness is only a preoccupation of those who are sick, but I don't seem to be getting well. The cold's going slowly, but evil bug still seems to be hanging around. Mr McMuffin is even talking about me possibly having had glandular fever (and he would rather cut his foot off than indulge in sick talk), so I think it is time to go back to the doctors before I get so bored by talking about it, I'll have to just write my symptoms down and hand them the list. People who read this blog are always very kind with their well wishes, but PLEASE don't feel the need to say anything, I really am that bored by this illness stuff and this will be the last time I mention it.

Anyway, I'm back at work savouring the time with my team before I have to move on. I saw some of my new team on Friday and was struck by their dress code being much smarter than ours. Not that I need an excuse, but I'm really going to have to go shopping. If I'm going to be accepted I need to blend in, at least that's how I'm going to explain it to Mr McMuffin. Now, I'm not going to go mad and radically change my low maintenance ways, but I have been looking for an excuse to smarten up for some time. I've also (unintentionally) lost some weight, so a lot of my trousers are just too big and there are a lovely tweedy pair in Mango...a gorgeous wrap cardigan in Hobbs (and a very similar and equally nice one in Massimo Dutti). I haven't fully explored the new range at Zara, but I'm getting increasingly impressed with what Laura Ashley have been doing over the last few years. I still hate Jigsaw (although Mr McMuffin, who has no interest at all in 'lady clothes' really likes it) and admire some of the pretty of Monsoon, but sadly like the plain of Gap. I really cannot bear any logos or 'designs' on clothes and Gap are good at keeping it plain. I would have made a good Amish type. This post can't go on forever, so I'll leave the rest of Bluewater out. Hail Bluewater, the high street in a quarry.

So shoes, I adore shoes, but having worked as a Saturday shoe shop sales assistant when at school, I HATE shoe shopping and rarely buy any. I was trained by Mavis, the best shoe concessionaire in the South and hate shoe shop assistant's sloppy ways. For God's sake, they don't even know how to lace a pair properly, or feel for a fit, and don't even mention how they don't have any spirit for selling 'sundries'.

Well I seem to have rediscovered my passion and energy. Clothes and shoes, a cure for all ills...and listening to the Super Furry Animals again.

i lied

Back to catblogging and hopefully back to bed. Slink appears to have decided to settle at last. Normally I would just boot him out for being so annoying, but the poor little chap still seems to have that curious sideways tilt to his head. This would be cute if it wasn't accompanied by that glassy eyed look that pets in pain often acquire. Mr McMuffin should give him a little neck massage. Wish he'd do the same for me sometimes. I've said it before, but I'm definitely coming back as a cat. One that has overindulgent neighbours, of course.

another lyric...

Any takers?

Only mine's broke down / And now I've no-one to love

the voice...

I have been listening to Mark Lanegan's new album Bubblegum and it is wonderful. Lanegan used to be the lead singer with The Screaming Trees a few years back, and he is one of the vocalist with The Queens of The Stone. His solo stuff is well worth checking out, sort of bluesy rock. He has developed one of the most amazing voices. He sounds a little like Tom Waits, only he can really sing. You have to hear it to believe it. Here is a track from the new album called Wedding Dress

mrs mcmuffin is going to cook, ice observed in Hades and from our livestock correspondent, wingbuds spotted on pigs

I have to uphold my end of the deal. The last time we ate at the Carrot cakes, Mrs Carrot Cake and Mr McMuffin hatched an unholy alliance and agreed that me and Mr Carrot Cake prepare the next meals at our respective households. Oh, how we laughed then. Now I am very worried, as it appears that they are coming over on Saturday.

I used to be able to cook and quite liked it. However, living with culinary excellence embodied in the shape of Mr McMuffin, my cooking skills have atrophied and possibly dropped off. I have to prepare and cook a meal for four on Saturday to the same standard that we have become accustomed to from the kitchens of Mrs Carrot Cake and Mr McMuffin. Although technically Mr McMuffin and I share a kitchen, my role appears to be merely to clean it and not mess with the art.

I need some help. No one is fussy apart from me (no pork, celery etc) so I have free rein. Please tell me what you think of the following menu which I hope is sufficiently Autumnal. I am considering a three course meal beginning with seared scallops with potato, wild mushrooms and mushroom veloute (cheers to Olive) and ending with mini Eve's pudding with apricots and fresh custard (my recipe, ooh, get me), oh and cheese after. I just don't know what to do in the middle. I'm thinking lamb shanks, possibly a beef dish...I don't know. Perhaps fish and chips if I'm desperate! Help. All suggestions gratefully considered.

you don't know how lucky you are...

One of the things I have enjoyed about blogging is connecting with interesting people living different lives, often in different countries. Given my poor abilities in other languages, the 'other countries' have invariably been the US. I have also had the pleasure of meeting through work a lovely woman from the US who has chosen to practice in the UK in my team as a Social Worker. I have to say that I have really had my eyes opened by these experiences. I had no idea about why everyone went on about reducing taxes in the US, but with the things I have learned about the lack of employee benefits, the health system and poor welfare provision, I sort of understand now.

Anyway, I'm not trying to be critical as I'm sure there are lots of benefits to living in the US. One of the very good things from the US is The Station Agent, a lovely film which reminded me a lot of Leaving Normal. It was funny, sad, sweet and touching, and I'll remember Finn, Olivia and Joe for some time.

friday night ipod shuffle 6

Just where do all my super cool and trendy young bands go. I swear I put them onto my iPod and they just seem to have disappeared by the time Fridays come around. What is that all about? I am sitting here listening to Pat Boone, who is in a metal mood. It really is a very strange album. For those of you who don't know, Pat covers a whole load of well known heavy rock songs from the likes of AC/DC and Led Zeppilin in his own inimitable style. I am surprised to find that some of the songs work really well. It's a bit like I've slipped into the twilight zone. Anyway, here's what I am listening to this week:

01 Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds / William Shatner 2:57
02 Her Strut / Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Bullet Band 3:50
03 You're All I Need to Get By / Marvin Gaye 2:52
04 Rock Star / Hole 2:42
05 After The Gold Rush / Neil Young 3:48
06 Before The Deluge / Jackson Browne 6:21
07 My Only Friend / The Magnetic Fields 2:01
08 Best of My Love / Eagles 4:36
09 View from a bridge / Kim Wilde 4:25
10 Boris the Spider / The Who 2:28

marilyn manson

Have I ever mentioned how much I like Marilyn Manson? I kind of avoided him for many years because I thought he was a bit of joke, which he still is in some ways, even though I must admit that I was nearly tempted over to the dark side by the right-wing fervour of the anti-Marilyn lot in the US. I was finally persuaded to buy one of his albums after his cover of Tainted Love was a big hit in the UK, and I imagine in lots of other places too. I just loved the over-the-topness of it all. I bought The Golden Age of Grotesque and it has very quickly become one of my most played albums. I think the main reason I didn't really fancy him in the beginning was that I thought his nilism was serious. For some strange reason, every description of him always misses out just clever and knowing his music is, and I guess, at different levels, quite funny. If you put his image to one side for a moment, he just makes great rock music. I think this track kind of sums up for me what I like about him: it's called Slutgarden.

I also love the fact that in the real world he is called Brian and he is getting married soon. Quite sweet really. It reminds me a bit of the fella from Slipnot who in an interview in NME said that if he hadn't been a rock star then he would have liked to have been a history teacher.

UPDATE: Apologies for the size of the file, I didn't check it before posting.

cooking with mrs mcmuffin

This weekend I am mostly going to be trying to avoid giving Mrs McMuffin any advice about cooking for our guests tomorrow night. I have decided that I am not going to be doing any shopping for the meal or have anything to do with its preparation. I am going to do nothing but a bit of tidying up. This will be a real test of our relationship. Mrs McMuffin has gradually allowed me to take over all cooking and shopping duties in our little house on the hill. I am not sure she still knows where anything in the kitchen goes anymore, partly that's her fault because she will insist on hiding storing things in odd places to teach me a lesson for buying more kitchen stuff. I do know that she does not have a clue how to work our less than wonderful oven, which doesn't have any temperature marks on it anymore. I usually just cook everything on full blast and keep an eye on it. I am sure the meal will taste great, but I just know that tomorrow will be a trial for us both. If we don't have a big row about 6.00pm tomorrow night I will be very surprised. The good news is that we will probably have made up before Mr and Mrs Carrot Cake arrive so we will all have a lovely evening.

I am ashamed to tell you that a little bit of me wants her to know how much work is involved in preparing a nice meal for people. I know that I make it look relatively easy and I really enjoy doing it, but it is hard work. I am not convinced that she believes that because all she sees is the pleasure that I get from it all. Does this make me a bad person? I wonder if Mrs Carrot Cake feels the same? Maybe that was why we decided that our respective partners should cook next time we got together.

Please don't tell Mrs McMuffin that I've been talking about her.

this is why I love dogs...

This is an amazing news story about dogs being able to smell cancer. Right now the best and brightest dog minds in the world are busy trying to work out how to communicate this to their humans. In a separate story, they have discovered that cats can smell cancer in humans too, but they have decided that they don't like the smell, and just as soon as they wake up, they plan to go and live with a neighbour.