jokes

I have nothing to say, so I thought I would tell you a few jokes. In fact, they were sent to me by a friend. One of those awful email circular things, that for some reason she insists on sending me. Now, usually I just delete them (she doesn't know this, and I can't bring myself to tell her.) without reading them, but today, for some reason, I did read them and I was surprised to find that they are quite funny. Don't worry, I probably won't do this again. Here they are:

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*@!ing red mark on his forehead.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says,"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly." She said, "Well, you've succeeded."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A:The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving