catblogging days are numbered and about time too

When we started blogging we had no idea how it might turn out. We had no idea that Slink's hold on our real lives would become so apparent in our online life. He bags a disproportionate share of our posts for a creature who has no idea how to log on, although he's quite good at walking over the keyboard. This time Slink has gone too far. He actually stood in front of me on the dining room table and sprayed over the table and one of Mr McMuffin's work files. Slink has been ejected from the house and if you believe Mr McMuffin, from our lives.

This makes me very sad. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the endless screaming outside the back door and the attempts to open the window and enter the house. Ra has also been kicked out and is sitting on the kitchen windowsill staring wistfully in. I've often tried to understand how we've allowed all this to happen.

I think it must be a bit like an affair. We were flattered that such gorgeous and charming creatures wanted to spend time with us. They didn't want much, just companionship and attention. Then they started to get a bit needy but only because they 'loved' us and we sort of fell in love with them. Then the demands started; food, staying over, constant reassurance and cuddling. Then it became embarassing, lots of acting out when friends came over, flaunting their knowledge of our house to their owner. We're now in full on bunny boiler mode, spraying and pooing everywhere. I'm running the bath right now.

Update: Sorry to disappoint Steve, but Mr McMuffin has a will of butter. I returned from feeding my sister's cats (cats, more bloody cats) to find that Slink was in the house and what's more, being fed by the soppy git I am married to.

a brick wall...

I have just realised that I have managed to take myself into a design cul-de-sac. The nice clean design that I was looking for, means that I can no longer play around with extra bits like I used to. What is a boy to do? I think another redesign may be on the cards in the not too distant future. Ah, well, back to the drawing board.

this is why people go to medical school

I seem to have a recurrence of the evil bug that attacked me in the week before EBIL's wedding. My Big Sister was full of useful advice on Tuesday such as I could have had glandular fever (mono) but not known it and be suffering the after effects. Now, I always thought that you couldn't really not notice having this particular bug, but Big Sister assured me that my GP could test for it. She conceded that it probably wasn't worth bothering my GP when they would only give me the advice I have been following anyway, painkillers, water and rest.

I then decided to self diagnose and visited NHS direct. This was quite alarming as I was advised to call 999 or speak to one of their advisors. I thought I'd test this out by entering migraine symptoms and was given the same advice. I'm not sure the ambulance service would be too chuffed to be called out for a migraine. I stupidly googled my symptoms and after finding out that I have seven different serious illnesses have been bravely trying to be my normal self and not let on to Mr McMuffin how terribly, terribly sick I am. I am never going to do this again, there's a reason why we have real doctors and not search engines in every surgery.

evil slink

I have just witnessed Slink's evil nature again. He was most upset to find that Ra had worked out how to open the doors and had pursued him to the living room, where Slink was relaxing happily with me, thinking himself safe from the clutches of Evil Ra. Slink acted as if he wanted to go outside and Ra followed him. He stopped suddenly by the back door and started grooming himself. As Ra walked past Slink scratched him.

This was not as exciting as the time when I lifted Ra over the doorstep and Slink tried to slash Ra's belly, or the mad attacks by Slink on the underside of the canvas chair Ra likes to sleep on, but it made me laugh. I stopped smiling when I saw the eight piles of poo that Ra has deposited on the slate chippings.

I just went outside to get the washing in and on my return Slink and Big Ginger were in the hallway. Looks like Slink went to get a mate to 'sort out' Ra. It's like the bloody cat Sopranos here.

jokes

I have nothing to say, so I thought I would tell you a few jokes. In fact, they were sent to me by a friend. One of those awful email circular things, that for some reason she insists on sending me. Now, usually I just delete them (she doesn't know this, and I can't bring myself to tell her.) without reading them, but today, for some reason, I did read them and I was surprised to find that they are quite funny. Don't worry, I probably won't do this again. Here they are:

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*@!ing red mark on his forehead.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says,"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly." She said, "Well, you've succeeded."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A:The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

evil ra

I think I have finally been able to capture Ra's inner evilness. For some reason, Slinky is a pussy when it comes to sharing his food with Ra. He is quite happy to take the odd swipe at Ra for no apparent reason, or to have a hissy fit whenever Ra comes near him. When it comes to eating, Slink will always just move aside so that Ra can eat, waiting silently until he is finished. A very odd catty relationship. Now, Ra will eat anything, and always wants to eat Slinky's food, so sometimes I stand guard to make sure Slinky gets some food. This morning, I pushed Ra away, and stood guard while Slinky ate. Ra kept moving closer and closer an inch at a time, until he was jammed up behind poor Slink. That kind of pressure certainly can't be doing Slinky's digestion any good.

pieces of april

We saw a very sweet film the other night, and I have found myself thinking about it occasionally over the last couple of days. Pieces of April stars the lovely Katie Holmes of Dawson's Creek fame, along with Oliver Platt and the truly wonderful, Patricia Clarkson, who plays April's mother, dying of cancer, with humour, bitterness and, I suppose, hope. It's a slight story about a girl who has become alienated from her family, but decides to throw a Thanks Giving dinner for them in an attempt to make things better before her mother dies. The film was made on a shoestring budget, and that shows in places, but the performances are great, and the final scenes will have you in tears (not that I cried, you understand). I have saved the very best bit for last. It's only 1 hour and 17 minutes long! I would give it ☆☆☆☆ out of five.

The only problem I had with the film was the lack of semi-automatic weapons, no car chases and not one single explosion. If you can stomach that, then this is the film for you.

friday night ipod shuffle

It's that time of the week again. Time for the Friday night iPod shuffle. This time I am including all ten songs in my list, after all it really doesn't matter that there are only nine covers in my picture. No, really, it doesn't matter. Just so long as Roxanne is happy. That's all that really matters to me. My peace of mind means nothing compared to her happiness. There is an awful lot of Neil Young on this list. As much as I love Neil, he is not all I listen to.

01 (She's A) Runaround / The Undertones 1:50
02 If I Had You / Django Reinhardt 2:52
03 Go and Say Goodbye / Buffalo Springfield 2:24
04 Don't Let It Bring You Down / Neil Young 2:57
05 Twenty Four Hours / Joy Division 4:26
06 First Blood / AC/DC 3:46
07 A Little Bit Me, a Little Bit You / The Monkees 2:49
08 Closer to the Source / Bheki Mseleku 6:00
09 I Believe in the Man in the Sky / Elvis Presley 2:12
10 The Needle and the Damage Done / Neil Young 2:03

tom's wait

I don't think that I have ever mentioned how much I like Tom Waits. Not much to say about him, other than I like him. I like his early stuff when he seemed to be aiming to be another Jackson Browne or maybe Billy Joel. Then something happened to him, and his music changed course becoming increasingly experimental and, dare I say it, jazzy. He has managed to produce some great music, despite the fact that his once lovely voice disappeared many years ago. A couple of years ago he released two albums at the same time, Blood Money and Alice. Both are great albums well worth a listen to. This is All The World Is Green from Blood Money, and this is No One Knows I'm Gone from Alice.

For some reason, some people really don't like him. This made me laugh.

all mine

I have copyrighted the whole alphabet. If you want to write in cyrillic or any other script then fine, I shall not charge you a penny.

I am giving out a special offer on vowels. You can use the lot for £100 a year, or £1,000 for a lifetime purchase. Consonants can be individually negotiated. I will only charge £50 per written negotiation with a limit of three negotiations until we have agreed on charges. Spoken words are not chargeable. Now who wants to go first?