it was broke but i fix it...

I can't remember if Mrs McMuffin told you that when we had the garden shed and outside toilet knocked down, it revealed an old lead pipe that was gushing water. It started off as a trickle but has gradually got worse. We tried to get the water board to fix it, but today they finally arrived, their second attempt, and they took one look at it and said, "nothing we can do mate, it's on your property." Or at least they said words to that effect to my lovely sister-in-law who stayed home to see to them. Despite her offer to give him a blow job, he refused to fix it, and left it gushing water into our already sodden garden. Anyway, I hammered it closed, and it is now fixed, or at least bodged. Just remember this moment, the next time Mrs McMuffin tries to persuade you that I am useless around the house.

[ I just have to comment on Mr McMuffin's suggestion that my own flesh and blood would consider offering sexual favours for services. It is untrue and tasteless, although Gypsy Tart did laugh when she read it.

The water board are now on my hit list. This is a very long list of people and organisations who have crossed me and will suffer the consequences when I am powerful enough to inflict them on them. I realise that this may take some time, but I am willing to wait. I am not a nice person when offended.

I have explained to the water people three times exactly what the problem was and even said that if they were unable to offer a service because the leak was on our property (although not from our water supply) I would call a plumber. They assured me that they would send someone to take a look and they would be likely to sort the problem out. We even made complicated arrangements about how their worker would gain access to our property, so it's hard to see how this man didn't have a clue that he might be going to look at a leak on private property. I can't beleive I paid the bill until October. Bastards.

Mr McMuffin is now my DIY hero. He's not Handy Andy, but he did fix it.]