even spammers have friends...

I am in a bit of a quandary. We received some spam, and it looks like it was sent by our friends in Australia. They seem to have set up some kind of internet company selling stuff. This is what they said:

Hi all, the following information is HOT! Do you own a mobile phone? Do you know two people who own a mobile phone? You can cut your phone bills down by 2 thirds and make money by doing so. You could be on your way to earning a large residual/passive income for the rest of your life!

The following website is the doorway to your dreams.

www.blahblahblah/giveusyourmoney.com

Take a look and if you have any questions let us know. We have spent the last week looking into this business opportunity and find it to be all above board and very exciting.

Hope to hear from you soon, either directly through the website or as a reply to this email.

John & Mary
giveusyourmoney

Looks like spam to me. Now I wanted just to bounce it back, but of course I don't want them to think that our email address is dead. I also would like to tell them to fuck off, take our name of their address list, and never bother us again, but they are our friends, and very nice people. There is something very cynical and very unfriendly about this, but it is hard to put my finger on it.

I shall move into Carrie Bradshaw mode now, "what do we do when spammers are our friends?"

By the way, I have changed their names and the link they sent. I didn't even visit it. That'll teach them.

mr mcmuffin on 31 May 2004 @ 02:55 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

ants in our plants

Mrs McMuffin has made an amazing discovery. She was about to tip out a dead plant from a flower pot when she discovered that it contained an ant's nest. They have built their home in the flower pot. The earth in the pot has been excavated and is honeycombed with little ant tunnels. I took a couple of photos, but the little buggers move so fast it was hard to photograph them. There are ants in the top photo, but they are little blurs of motion. I love the second picture, that is them climbing around the flower pot, because you can get a sense of the scale of the pot. These must be special mountaineering ants. Ain't nature grand?

[I (Mrs McM) just wanted to let you know that we didn't actually evict the ants from their new home. The nest in a pot has pride of place on our doorstep, with a bit of straggly couch grass growing out of the top of it. Beautiful it isn't, but it is useful.]

mr mcmuffin on 31 May 2004 @ 01:15 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

nandos

Norah has asked me to do a little post about Nandos. There isn't that much to say about them except they sell flame grilled chicken marinated in their Peri-Peri sauce. I thought they were Portuguese, but it turns out that they orginate in South Africa. I don't quite get the connection, but...They have restuarants all over the UK and Australia, and you can buy their sauces in America. While I wondering around their websites, you can get to them all by following the link on the right, I did find this, which I thought was quite funny. I am a little bit obsessed by chicken. I love Nandos.

mr mcmuffin on 31 May 2004 @ 10:59 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

the day after...

...My bank holiday weekend has consisted of cleaning the house, arguing with Mr McMuffin about lamb of all things and entertaining until about 4am. I actually had to give up before our guests did. Today were both a bit tired and only had the energy to go to the cinema, turning down an invitation to go for a drink in favour of a quiet night in in front of the TV. As there's nothing on that I can stomach watching, I'm here for the next half hour or so.

I don't think I've stayed up this late for almost a year and it gets harder and harder every year. The same goes for drinking, not only can I get drunk on two glasses of wine (but why stop there?) but I am completely wrecked the next day even if I don't have a hangover. Today, of course, I got my passport photos done. I'm carrying my luggage under my eyes in these ones and contemplating the difference a decade makes.

mr mcmuffin on 30 May 2004 @ 10:47 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (4) | TrackBack

the day after tomorrow

We just got back from seeing The Day After Tomorrow. Great film. Clunky script, saved by some good actors, and the most extraordinary special effects. The two hour film just flew by. Superior trash. Well worth seeing.

mr mcmuffin on 30 May 2004 @ 07:45 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (8) | TrackBack

first ever rock concert...

I was 19 years old, and had just come down to London from the Orkney Isles a couple months before to start to my training as a Silversmith. Someone had a spare ticket, and I was so desperate to go that I ended up going with a group of
people that I had never met before. We only had one thing in common, and that was our love of Queen. They were my favourite band in the whole world at the time. I had only discovered them the year before after I had borrowed Sheer Heart Attack from a friend at work. We had a tape swapping group going, as listening to music and talking about music was the way in which we passed time in our monotonous jobs. I saw Queen at Wembley Arena on Wednesday 10 December 1980, it was the last night of a three night stint at Wembley on The Game tour.

Freddy was fantastic. I sang until I was hoarse, and my hands hurt from so much clapping. The image that always sticks in my mind is when they played the opening intro to Flash. The stage was in darkness and all we could hear was the dundundundun intro. When it got to the "Flash, aaahaaa" bit, the lights all around Roger Taylor's the drum platform came on streaming beams of the most amazing white light across the audience. Completely dazzling me into the bargain. The white spots stayed in my eyes for ages afterwards.

It was a great night, and still remains with me as one of the best concerts I have ever been to. I even bought a programme, something I don't do anymore. I kept my programme and tickets for years afterwards, but lost them in one of my many moves over the years. I wonder what happened to it.

I love the internet. I remembered going to see Queen in 1980, did a bit of digging around and found a wonderful site with details of all of Queen's concerts. The main picture is from the 1980 tour, and might even have been taken at Wembley, who knows...The site even included a track listing for the gig that I saw.

mr mcmuffin on 28 May 2004 @ 08:19 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

the get rich quick scheme...

Our great internet get rich quick scheme is no more. I have removed the links from our site. Not because we have suddenly acquired a sense of decency or some such thing, but only because it was a miserably failure. We received only one donation of 10p (thanks Steve). I can't believe that one of those companies who invested billions in the likes of Amazon, couldn't see the potential in our scheme. It just goes to show that being lovely has to be its own reward, because there certainly isn't any money in it.

mr mcmuffin on 28 May 2004 @ 07:44 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (4) | TrackBack

stop press...

I have finally worked out where Uma Thurman got those unfeasibly large hands from. She stole some of Bjork's. Surely that can't be legal. I can't believe that you are allowed to just take any bits you fancy from other people. Although, Bjork has gone up in my estimation. She hasn't said a word about it. I haven't hear a whisper of a lawsuit or anything. I wonder if that is why Uma and Ethan split up. He just couldn't take feeling inadequate all the time.

mr mcmuffin on 27 May 2004 @ 10:58 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

eye of slink...

Slinky, of course, has the most beautiful eyes of all of us, but he just will not sit still so I can photograph them properly.

mr mcmuffin on 27 May 2004 @ 10:24 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (5) | TrackBack

eye of mrs mcmuffin...

Guess who is posting this one. Mrs McMuffin was so taken with my beautiful eye that she wanted one herself. After a few goes, we managed to get this picture. It's not as lovely as mine, and she doesn't have my long eyelashes, but you can't have everything. I guess she will just have to make do with having me.

mr mcmuffin on 27 May 2004 @ 10:11 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (7) | TrackBack

not favouritism...

...I am rarely moved to do this, as it doesn't seem right to single out one comment from all the fabulous thoughts that people post. However as an antidote to our Troll, who didn't understand us, I thought this should stand as an example of how others can sometimes see you more clearly...(Mrs no photo)

"It's simple, really: Mr McMuffin's posts normally have a picture, whereas Mrs McMuffin's posts don't... unless Mr McMuffin adds one later, that is. Oh, I see how it can be confusing!

I suggest writing a quick "Mr" or "Mrs" at the start of each entry.

Example no 1:

mr

I have my eye on a JÆASLJFDKLÆ89S7930345JFØSDSAÅAKDLF video card to transmit our recording of Slinky singing Baccara on our roof of shame. Here's a photograph from the video...

Example no 2:

mrs

I'm so pissed off with Mr McMuffin for going out and buying some video gadget for transmitting our recording of Slinky. We now have to sell the house and move in with Mr and Mrs Carrot Cake."

Thanks Mr Smiler

mr mcmuffin on 27 May 2004 @ 09:45 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

just for the heck of it...

Thought I'd post another cute photo of Slinky. He is ignoring me here for some reason. I think I refused him food, or wouldn't allow him to sit on my lap, or some other such catty slight.

mr mcmuffin on 26 May 2004 @ 08:50 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

the eye of the beholder...

There seems to more photographs than usual on this site. Not sure why that is. Thought you might like to see a close up of my eye. I have a lovely eye, even if I do say so myself.

mr mcmuffin on 26 May 2004 @ 08:45 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (11) | TrackBack

feline depression...

I managed to catch the moment Slinky heard the news that TypePad wasn't working properly. I have diagnosed his condition as Feline Depression.

mr mcmuffin on 26 May 2004 @ 08:38 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (5) | TrackBack

closer than closer...

I love my new camera. I was playing with it this morning and discovered that it has a little button that allows me to take ultra close pictures. I went a bit nuts and was photographing everything from about 3cm. Here are a few of the photos that I took:

This is a chocolate chip cookie.

This is a concrete paving slab in our garden.

This is some moss marring the beauty of Mrs McMuffin's lawn.

This is some slate chippings that lie outside our back door.

mr mcmuffin on 26 May 2004 @ 08:23 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (2) | TrackBack

I don't believe in Brenna

I am so fed up with them. I can't even look at a typepad blog any more. Brenna (trying to persuade us this is a real person, how stupid do they think we are) now wants examples of our comments. I nicely reminded her (?) that I had attempted to just post a full stop as a comment and that had been refused, so I don't think the content will give them any assistance.

I have actually managed to comment on our blog, it only took 30 minutes to arrive. I am a bit worried that some of my stupid comments from yesterday have got through on other blogs. Forgive me.

Working for a local authority can be so depressing sometimes. I needed some OHP transparencies for some training tomorrow, so assumed it would be easy enough to get what I needed printed out in the building where we are delivering the training. Apparently I should have gone via purchasing so the 4 sheets can be coded to our budget! This kind of internal marketplace thinking is so crap. I just went and bought some tonight, but I'll have a job getting the money back tomorrow as there isn't really an appropriate code for these expenses. The consolation is that I should get a good pension if I live that long with all the annoyances!

Today my colleauge has been acting down to give some people a break to catch up. It has been an interesting experience bossing her around. She also said she needed an acknowledgement of her hard work before she left. I wondered why she thought she was leaving as she hadn't finished all the work. Funnily enough, I'm not going to volunteer to help out in this way!

mr mcmuffin on 26 May 2004 @ 08:02 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

another one...

We have had another troll nip. No idea why he has taken agin us in this way. His comment has been deleted and he has been banned, of course. But, I thought his lovely little poem deserved a wider audience. It really is a brave attempt. Please note that this has apparently been written by an English man who objects to me, a Scottish man, criticising somewhere I lived in Scotland. My, what has the world come to. I wouldn't want to live inside his head. Mrs McMuffin also objects to his sexism. Her criticism of Orkney has been ignored. By the way, did we mention that when we were last in Orkney we spent a very pleasant couple of hours in a local museum. Imagine our surprise to find photographs that were 80 years old with the faces of people we had just seen in Kirkwall. They are a very close knit community in Orkney. I hope you enjoy this because sadly he will not be appearing on these pages again despite the time and effort he has devoted to us. Bless. And, of course, our fan remains anonymous.

I wonder if we are about to receive a huge windfall for being so very, very lovely?

Mr Nasty (foul mouth)

Is the world full of nasty people with a foul mouth,
Well not really but at the time, I was looking south.
Bags of wind, so full of crap,
the rubbish flowing from their mouth like a running tap.

They are like empty tins, rattling to make some noise,
they are the kind they call the bully boys.
So far up themselves, they look like a big ass,
mister you and your kind are not even in any class.

Look into yourself, you are ugly as sin,
if I had a face like you, I’d hide it in a bin
Get yourself a life, forget that, jump off a cliff,
and get yourself a pair of boxing gloves and give yourself a biff.

The world is not full of nasty people, it only seems that way,
but mister, for your sins one day you will pay.
I hope I am sitting there with the lever in my hand,
watching you fry, my wouldn't that be grand.

One day an Orcadian will have call to save your life, if it was me I’d give it a miss,
if you were on fire, I would not give you any piss.
So here’s to you, whoever you think you are,
if I saw you on the road, I’d run you down with my car.

So you think I’m a little Orcadian, well mister I am not,
I am actually English but you don't care a jot.
It’s folk like you who give us a bad name, mate,
when it’s your time to leave please lock and bolt the gate.

You silly little man, you’re so full of crap,
for once in your life close your stupid trap.
If you can’t say anything nice, did your mummy not tell you that,
maybe one day me and the boys will come around for a chat.

This is not a threat it’s just a bit of fun,
it cost nobody nothing but at your cost my son.
Live and let live and don’t be so full of bile,
if I saw anyone of your type I think I’d run a mile.

mr mcmuffin on 26 May 2004 @ 12:31 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (7) | TrackBack

stupid typepad

... typepad seems to believe that all of my comments have 'questionable' content and won't let me comment on any blog at all, including our own. I see Mr McMuffin has commented on other blogs, so you've obviously got fed up with me and have acted as a group to block me. No, I don't feel unpopular!

I am a bit concerned about Ohnoitshimagain [You won't see him on this page again. Deleted his comments and banned him]. First of all wanting to leave the country, then being nasty to Mr McMuffin about his less than favourable view of Orkney. All Orcadians are not friendly and generous. I only had the unfortunate experience of visiting, Mr McMuffin had to live there until he was old enough to escape. I'm sure nice people live there, but their rudeness was noticeable when I visited. I can honestly say they were the most unfriendly people we have ever come across on our travels.

So this person has never visited before, now they're giving out crap to Mr McMuffin. Who do they think they are? More grist to my mill re Orcadians I think. This blog is not a democracy, more of a benign dictatorship. The McMuffins are in charge here...Oh, strange little Orcadian person.

[UPDATE: This post has been edited, and if you have seen the original bile from Mrs McMuffin you will understand why she can no longer post comments. By the way, this is a photo of the lovely Orkney Islands. It is a beautiful place, spoiled only by the ugly, mean spirited people who live there. I think I am entitled to say this because that place sucked 7 years of my young life from me. I will never get them back.]

mr mcmuffin on 25 May 2004 @ 06:36 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

monday night drinking...

We had an impromptu get together with Ms Ginger Cake and Mr Rock Cake last night. It started off as a quick glass of wine in their garden, while our respective dinners where cooking. We then decided to combine our meals, which went together very nicely, to have a tapasey type meal, and carried on drinking. I ended up drinking a bottle of red wine and several glasses of Griotte, a fantastic Czech cherry liqueur. I now feel a little bit hung over. But I can't let that bother me because I have a report to write for court. Yesterday, I suddenly realised that the report had to be filed today. For some reason, I had thought it didn't have to be in until Thursday. So I guess I should get writing!

mr mcmuffin on 25 May 2004 @ 07:22 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

unexpected visitor

One of the things I like about weddings is the chance to catch up with people you haven't seen for a while, ususally since the last wedding. Last night we saw a very nice couple who we haven't seen since their wedding. I have known J for about 19 years and although we've never been really close, we have a shared teenage history and I have always really liked him.

Imagine my surprise when he said that he'd visited our site a few weeks ago. We talked about how strange it was that complete strangers could come and have a look, sometimes stay and become people that we think of as virtual friends ( thanks to Steve's description) and friends we see regularly sometimes drop by without saying anything, but it felt odd that J had visited and we hadn't known.

Anyway, J, you're very welcome. Come back, have a look, leave a line, any time!

mr mcmuffin on 23 May 2004 @ 09:47 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (8) | TrackBack

object of desire no longer...

I have been hankering after a new camera for a while now, and I have been lusting after this particular camera for a couple of weeks. It is a Sony DSC-T1, 5 Megapixels in the slimest, cutest, most stylish, body you can imagine. So what if it doesn't take the best night-time photos in the world...it is lovely to look at and lovely to hold. I think Apple and Sony must be distance cousins. I was going to post this as my latest obsession, but yesterday, when I went to LOOK at cameras, I slipped, and before I knew what I was doing, I accidently bought one. I love it. I really must go on holiday now so that I can take lots of beautiful pictures.

mr mcmuffin on 23 May 2004 @ 12:06 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (6) | TrackBack

memories of Christmas past

This weekend:

Agonising over outfit for weeks, going shopping and returning with only casual clothes.
Wearing exactly the same outfit I wore to a wedding in September.
Going to the wedding.
Forcing Mr McMuffin to attend the wedding and smile.
Marking assignments.
Posting pictures of wine stoppers.

Actually these things work really well. When Mr McMuffin Junior gave them to us this Christmas, with a few other interesting bits and pieces, I had to thank him for the lovely butt plugs. He blushed and was unable to meet my Mum and Dad's eyes, but we enjoyed his discomfort. Our little gift to him.

mr mcmuffin on 21 May 2004 @ 10:37 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (8) | TrackBack

my daddy's knives...

We had a new visitor to our site, and I thought I'd have a look at their site in return. It's not really a blog, more a personal site, but filled with interesting stuff. I came across this page with photos of the knives that doc lee had made, and they reminded me of my own dear pappy, who has made knives and guns for as long as I can remember. I am a useless photographer and I haven't done them justice, but I think you can get some idea of how impressive they are. They are completely hand made. Cut from stainless steel with a hacksaw, and held in a vice while he filed them into shape, and polished them.

The top knife is an 18" Bowie knife, presented to me and Mrs McMuffin on our wedding day, and the bottom one is based on a knife made by an American maker called Randall. It is a sight I will never forget, three young boys carrying the Bowie knife into the room held high in it's presentation box, as if it was a coffin, so that we could use to cut our wedding cake. We had to have two goes at cutting the cake, because at our first attempt, my sister, who had made the cake, whispered to me, "if you cut that cake, I'll faint." This was the first cake of this size that she had ever done, and she had spent the past month icing the thing, and apparently it nearly cost her marriage.

I always remember our house being filled with iron filings as a child. They got everywhere. My dad could never afford a proper workshop, and always ended up taking over a room, or on one occasion a corner of our living room! Over the years I have played with most weapons and, surpringly perhaps, I never once did myself any harm. I remember my dad and his friend once having a drunken sword fight. My dad had a broadsword and his friend had a samurai sword, and by good luck they did not kill each other. It was very exciting though!

When I was younger my dad used to collect firearms. They were all illegal, of course. We always had people around the house trying to sell him guns or to just show off their latest purchase. My dad tells me that when I was about three, a friend of his gave me a Beretta to play with. It was only after I had taken it apart that he revealed that it had been loaded. He gave up the guns when one that he sold someone was used to kill someone in a pub one Saturday night. I guess the guilt was just too much for him.

He was also fascinated with the wild west, and this came together nicely with his love of guns. He learned how to do quick draw, and he started making belts and holsters. For a couple of years, it was my job to snap a belt in front of him, so that he could practice getting the gun in the loop of the belt before it closed. He was very, very fast. In fact, the fella who gave me the Beretta was some kind of Scottish champion, and my dad was faster.

And there was the card tricks, but I shall keep that for another time...

mr mcmuffin on 21 May 2004 @ 07:07 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (7) | TrackBack

infinity on my mac...

I have been able to capture infinity on my Mac. It has kept me occupied for about two hours this morning, when I should have been doing other things. It is a high tech version of what I used to do with mirrors when I was a kid. I imagine everyone has done it at some point. Only this time I pointed my iSight camera at my screen and recorded it. I am not sure where the flashing lights come from, but I think it probably has something to do with iSight trying to focus on the image. You can download the whole movie, complete with soundtrack, from here.

mr mcmuffin on 21 May 2004 @ 12:40 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (4) | TrackBack

faking it

I watched this show tonight and saw one of the few episodes I had missed. It was fantastic. This sublimely hetero ex Navy weapons specialist becoming a drag queen. He was a nice man who seemed a bit nervous at the idea of spending a lot of time in the company of gay men, but reassured himself that he would be OK as long as the man he would share a house with wasn't bitchy or camp. He said 'I like my gay men straight'.

By the end of the show he was desperate not to lose and was practically in tears thinking that his makeup was not good enough, he was worried that his competitors were so proficient they were as good as 'trannies'. He did very well, and none of the judges could pick him out as the person who had only been a drag queen for less than four weeks. The best bit was that he and his mentor got on famously and you really were left with the impression that they would remain friends and Mr Navy would never laugh at nasty jokes about gay men.

This was a good show. Froth with a message. Pick a good wig.

mr mcmuffin on 20 May 2004 @ 10:57 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (1) | TrackBack

another strange day...

I thought I would go into work late today, and use the time to get caught up with some paperwork. I diligently started writing at 8am, and didn't stop until 2.15pm. I wrote 4864 words. I was then overcome with tiredness and thought I'd have a little lie down on the couch. I woke up two hours later, and that was a struggle. During this time, I kept half waking, but found myself just unable to rise from the couch. But I'm up and bathed and feelng a strange combination of washed out and refreshed. I really needed that little bit extra sleep.

I did have a little break from writing to find a holiday for us. We have decided to go back to sunny Madeira. I very quickly found the perfect holiday at a hotel we have stayed at before, and I was in the process of booking the holiday, when the salesperson asked me if our passports had at least 7 months to run on them. I suddenly remembered that Mrs McMuffin's passport expired in March this year and she hasn't renewed it. I had to cancel the whole thing.

I am sitting here listening to a massive box set of Marty Robbins singing country. He has such lovely mellow voice, and I have very fond memories of his gunfighter ballads from when I was a child. He was always one of those singers, along with the likes of Willie Nelson, Jim Reeves and Kate Bush, who surprised when they sang. How could that voice come out of those lips. When I recently visited my little brother I was shocked to find that in amongst all the show tunes, hi-energy, and the tragic female singers, I found a copy of the ballads album. Once the country is in you, there is just no taking it out! Hey, that could be the title of a country song. Now, if I could just write a few more catchy words and some music, and learn to play the guitar and how to sing, I could make a lot of money.

The problem with these box sets is that sometimes you hear music that you wished you hadn't heard. Marty lends his beautiful voice to the fight against the commies on Ain't I Right and then goes into a tirade against providing aid to foreigners on My Own Native Land. I always knew he had right-wing leanings but hearing him singing these songs has soured my enjoyment a little. I have always been a little bit confused by the Godly right-winger, but here he is on the sublime An Evening Prayer, a song that will give you some idea of what loveliness he is capable of.

For those of you who want to know more about Marty Robbins, I've found this fan site called Kirsty's Marty Robbin's Page. Do think this is our very own lovely Kirsty?

Ah well, I think he will now be filed in the "a great singer, but not a very nice man" section, which is right next to Woody Allen, who is in the "a great film maker, but a paedophile" section and Jim Reeves, "a great singer, but racist bastard" section. By the way, we have a Black Jamaican friend who was also raised on Jim Reeves and buys his records just to spite him! And don't get me started on my struggle with liking Woody Allen!

mr mcmuffin on 20 May 2004 @ 07:24 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (13) | TrackBack

heidi hei di di di di heidi hei di hei do

Heidi is not as vomitous as I remember, but rather a heart warming little tale about a little girl's faith in her Grandfather and God. Her simple ways and heartfelt wishes touch the lives of those around her and make a crippled girl walk. God, it really was vomitous.

When you think of Heidi though, what colour is her hair? And what style? Of course she has flaxen hair worn in plaits.

Actually she doesn't. Heidi has short, black hair and it is curly. She also has black/brown eyes. I wonder why they made Heidi a blonde. As a black haired child I needed all the dark haired inspiration I could get. Only witches and Snow White had black hair, and Snow White was a bit of a sap. I got to be the Witch in all the games at school, until I had enough and joined the boys in their war games. I don't regret it though, or my reputation as a heartless killer. Death dealing witches have been my role models and inspiration ever since. Sod Heidi.

mr mcmuffin on 18 May 2004 @ 12:00 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (6) | TrackBack

the view from our window

I thought you might like to see the photo I took of the sun setting. This is the view we have from our bedroom window. Must go to bed now. Goodnight, everyone.

mr mcmuffin on 16 May 2004 @ 10:59 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (12) | TrackBack

almost looking forward to work...

...because I am so tired. It takes an awful lot of work to keep our house looking as bad as it does and we have worked this weekend. Mr McMuffin has done the cleaning and cooking (boys jobs) and I have been mowing the lawn and shifting the leftover rubbish around.

We probably feel more positive now about the house of shame than we ever have. Mr McMuffin has even stopped talking about moving, and started talking about being here for the long haul. We still have masses to do, but clearing the rubbish away made changing the outside seem as possible as changing the inside. Thank you Little Scottish man and son. You were worth every penny.

mr mcmuffin on 16 May 2004 @ 07:47 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

another evility update...

After my last post, this site has become 16% more evil...Oh, dear...

mr mcmuffin on 16 May 2004 @ 10:41 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (2) | TrackBack

this is a public service post...

Ruslana won last night's Eurovision Song Contest. If, like me, you think Eurovision is absolute poo, and didn't bother watching it, then this is for you. I thought it was important that we all knew as much as possible about this star whose "potential is remarkable." Although, I am still unclear about whether she is the porn star who comes up when you Google her name. Ruslana has her own site, but it is down at the moment because the people who run it for her had to go to Istanbul with her for the competition. I am sure it will be back up just as soon as they return. I took most of this, unedited, from an official Ukranian website:

Who is Ruslana?

Ruslana is a Ukranian singer...She is a cult figure among the most popular Ukrainian singers, composers and producers. Ruslana has done two graduate degrees in music. Her potential is remarkable; Ruslana possesses powerful vocal abilities, exclusive manner of performance, originality of style, colourful ethnic appeal, powerful energy, diligence, drive and expression capable of thrilling and carrying away a stadium crowd.

Ruslana was born on May, 24 at the city of  Lvov. She was engaged in music and a vocal since four years. In childhood Ruslana sang in group “ Orion ”, later - in children's ensemble “ Smile ”. After the she has finished study at musical school, the future female singer has began study in the Lvov conservatory on conductor’s faculty. She not only singer, she is also the professional pianist. By the way, when she passed conductor’s examinations one examiner has graded mark “ bad ” to her, but another has graded  “ best ”.

What kind of music does she make?

A style which can be informally called “drive-ethno-dance” (a synthesis of many elements makes it difficult to give a precise definition), full of unique distinctive flavor that Europe has never seen before.

The musical stylistics of the Wild Dances include:

-      The ‘drive’ of rock music;

-      Energy of modern dance-music;

-      Variety of ‘mountain’ rhythms and motives.

Elements of the Carpathian flavor are as follows: catchy Hutsul music, ‘drive’, mystical character and energy at the same time (dances, rituals, use of ‘mountain’ costumes etc). Based on this flavor, Ruslana has created her own unique style in music (rhythm and melodic sounds), dances (moderns moves based on ancient Carpathian dances), and clothes.
 
What is her image?

The image of Ruslana is unique, original and exotic. It consists of a unique vocal manner (ethnical mountain melisms, authentic sounds and exclamations) and of a driving and energetic model of stage behavior that reflects the ‘mountain’ temper that is characteristic of the Singer.

How will she perform at Eurovision?

Ruslana’s performance at Eurovision will also be accompanied by an igniting dancing show performed Zhyttia Ballet (‘Life’ Ballet). By style the dancing will be a synthesis of modern dancing art and national Ukrainian rhythmoplastics. The authors of the dancing concept will try to eliminate the border between the Ancient and the Modern, develop a unique dance style, which can potentially become a hit at discothèques.

Ruslana’s performance at Eurovision will be a combination of music, dancing, costumes, haircut and makeup solutions.

The dancing performance will also be based on the brightest parts of Ruslana’s two-hour show created in the framework of her all-Ukrainian tour to support The Wild Dances album. It will also contain some very ancient and newly-discovered Carpathian traditions, which are being implemented into the main concept of the Song at this moment.

While Ruslana is planning a few more expeditions to the Carpathians, the rest of her time before Eurovision she plans to dedicate to studio work, rehearsals and promotional activities.
 
What will she wear at Eurovision?

The costumes of Ruslana and her dancing team will be made using the brightest elements of the costumes from the show of The Wild Dances (main elements being leather, incrustation and metal parts). All parts of them will be exclusively created for the show. Decorations for the costumes are currently being created by the designers and jewelers. A few of them are ordered from the ethnical craftsmen of the Carpathian mountains, who have used their craft secrets to produce them. The image of Ruslana and her dancers will also be supplemented by tattoos and body art elements.

The song

Here is the lyrics for the song. My Ukranian is not too good, but I think it's got something to do with dancing wildly. If this is not enough for you, the full song can be downloaded from here.

Wild Dances

Just maybe I’m crazy
The world spins round and round and round
Shee-ree-kee-die, shee-ree-kee-dam-day
Shee-ree-kee-die, shee-kee-ree-a-dam-da

I want you to want me
As I dance round and round and round
Shee-ree-kee-die, shee-ree-kee-dam-day
Shee-ree-kee-die, shee-kee-ree-a-dam-da

Forever and ever
Go, go, go, wild dancers

    Die-na, die-na, wanna be loved
    Die-na, gonna take my wild chances
    Die-na, die-na, freedom above
    Die-na, die-na-day, I’m wild dancin’

Hey

Napevno, daremno
Bula ya nadto chemna
Hey, shee-kee-die, shee-ree-kee-dam-day
Shee-ree-kee-die, shee-kee-ree-a-dam-da

Dlya tebe, dlya sebe
Zastelyu tsile nebo
Hey, dam-day
Shee-ree-kee-die, shee-kee-ree-a-dam-da

Bez zhalyu zapalyu
Go, go, go, wild dancers

    Die-na, die-na, wanna be loved
    Die-na, gonna take my wild chances
    Die-na, die-na, freedom above
    Die-na, die-na-day, I’m wild dancin’

Hey-ey-ey...

Dance forever, come and be mine
Dance together, till the end of time
Dance together
Go, go, go, wild dancers

    Die-na, die-na, wanna be loved
    Die-na, gonna take my wild chances
    Die-na, die-na, freedom above
    Die-na, die-na-day, I’m wild dancin’

Hey, hey

Performer: Ruslana Lyzhychko
Music: Ruslana Lyzhychko
Poetry: Ruslana Lyzhychko / Oleksandr Ksenofontov

UPDATE: I have just heard the song for the first time, and I take back everything...It is actually pretty good. I am feeling a little bit guilty at the cheap laughs...I am feeling very evil.

mr mcmuffin on 16 May 2004 @ 10:29 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (5) | TrackBack

shame shame shame

The shed of shame is gone. The outside toilet of shame is gone. The rubbish in the front garden of shame is gone. The wall of shame around half of the front garden is gone.

Our garden is finally clear and is much bigger than we first thought. Thanks to the nice Scottish man and his son we aren't the dodgiest looking house on the street. I say nice Scottish man, because I made him and his son a drink and sat down with them for a few minutes. They were perfectly pleasant and there was no innuendo. So either I am a complete minger (although little Scottish man commented on my sister's remarkable resemblance to me) or Mr McMuffin and Gypsy Tart invite unsavoury attention. I prefer to think it is the latter.

Tonight I am going to a Eurovision party. Mr McMuffin thinks it is camp old nonsense, so I shall be going without him. I really do love the Eurovision song contest. It has got a bit samey since everyone and their dog started watching MTV, but there are still fabulous cultural differences to be celebrated and mocked. We'll still be out of favour for our warmongering in Iraq, I wonder if Spain will pick up a few bonus points...
This is real politics.

Post updated by Mr McMuffin: I added some before and after photos, and I have to say that it is sad, but true, I married a right minger. I also have to say that the Eurovision Song Contest is not camp froth...It is just poo.

Further update from Mrs McMuffin: The 'before' photo shows the state of the garden when we moved in. The trees to the left are a line of mouldy fruit trees that cut the garden in half, looking to the right and seeing how small that space is, you can see why they had to go.

Ukraine won the Eurovision, which was the right choice. A fabulous act all dressed like 'Zena the warrior princess' and a lead singer who looked like Catherine Zeta Jones. Lots of jumping, twirling and a poo song. Norway achieved 'nul points' I believe, and the UK entry deservedly scored low. There seemed to be a 'lot of love in the room' to quote the inimitable Darius. Greece were generous to Albania, Albania gave the Serbs a high score etc, it was very strange. Night night.

mr mcmuffin on 15 May 2004 @ 05:07 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (11) | TrackBack

holiday death walk...

We have been inspired by the Carrot man and are thinking a lot about holidays. This is tale of heroism and bravery on holiday. This is the ultimate 'determined to enjoy themselves' story. We have now been to Madeira three times. I fought and argued over the first visit. It was my first holiday abroad, and Mrs McMuffin's parents had really liked the place when they had gone there about 15 years before. I like to think of myself as quite sophisticated, but I took a Miss Marple approach to life: I don't need to travel to learn about life, all life is here on my doorstep, people are people, sort of thing...I also objected to the idea that my first holiday abroad should be dictated by her parents, who by the way are really very nice...but that is not the point.

We have now visited Madeira three times, and it is probably my most favourite place in the whole world. It is old world Europe, but small and perfectly proportioned, with a proper little city at its heart.

On our second trip we decided to do a levada walk. This is a common tourist trip. The levadas are a network of canals that provide water to the whole of the island, and they offer the opportunity to see bits of the island that aren't normally seen. Anyway, we consulted our guidebook and found the perfect three mile walk that ended at a cafe. This is a picture of Mrs McMuffin, happy in the big woolly cardigan that she had bought at the top of Monte.

This is me, Mrs McMuffin, taking over because he has gone to ensure our dinner isn't burned. So, anyway we started the walk only to find that due to Levada repairs we had to go back the other way. The walk was lovely and the sound of the Levada burbling alongside us enhanced the whole experience. Mr McMuffin doesn't do walking so he got really fed up and picked a row with me. I told him to fuck off, obviously, which is just what he did. The levada path got narrower and narrower and I found myself walking alone on a strip of concrete about a foot across with a drop of about 1,000 feet next to it. You just cannot see this horror in the photographs.

Now I am absolutely terrifed of heights. I was the kid who crawled across railway bridges and as an adolescent was humilated to see little kids running past me on the ramparts of Castell Cydweli laughing as I was on my hands and knees. I had exactly the same sense of fear, only this time it was real, if I slipped I would die. No question. Now I tried to be brave and rebuked myself for my stupid fear. I recall laughing as I put a foot forward only to realise that the foot was shaking so much I could have frothed cappucino. God knows how I did it, but I got to the other end, about half a mile, on my sodding hands and knees. I really had got to the point of no return, so was only able to go forward. At one point I recall thinking that if I just hurled myself off the ledge at least I wouldn't have to suffer the surprise of slipping. I cannot believe that I actually did this, I have never been braver.

Back to Mr McMuffin: I knew nothing of all this drama. To begin with I was just having a sulk, trying to enjoy the scenery. But, it didn't take long before I realise that my life was at risk. I took a male approach to the whole thing, and I strode bravely onwards with my eyes kept firmly ahead. After a while, I entered a tunnel, and I just kept going. I didn't look behind, I just assumed that Mrs McMuffin was behind me, and I was too pissed off with her to talk to her. It took me a while when I reached the end to realise that she wasn't behind me, and it took me even longer to find out where she was, but, good reader, for your sake, I ensured the moment was forever captured:

We were so pleased to have survived the whole experience that we completely forgot our row. It is amazing how near death experiences help you to appreciate the small things in life.

Now, back to Mrs McMuffin, while I go and finish dinner.

Now just before we entered the treacherous part of the walk, we were passed by a whole load of tourists who smiled and wished us a good day. Not ONE of those bastards tried to tell us what lay ahead. When we got to the end of the whole thing some other tourists came along and we exchanged a small conversation about how scary it had been. What was a bit stange was that we did it in French and as we walked away, they started speaking in German, and we obviously talked in English. When they heard us, they gave us these hurt looks, as if we had fooled them into thinking we were French, when they has in fact begun the conversation in French. They must have thought that Mr McMuffin was a mute and I had learning disabilities because he can't speak French (apart from 'deux cafes noires s'il vous plaites') and mine is very basic.

So we followed them back to Monte, (where I bought the enormous woolly cardi, which was immediately christened 'the sheep' a few days before). After lots of coffee, a beer, copious fags, a fight with a cat and a little rest, I then gathered my strength for the bloody cable car journey back to Funchal.

mr mcmuffin on 14 May 2004 @ 09:21 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (12) | TrackBack

the streets...

I have just been listening to The Streets' new album 'A Grand Don't Come For Free', and it is fantastic. I am surprised by how much I like it. It has an authentic British feel to it, and all done without the cod accents that people like Damon Albarn feel necessary to adopt. Anyway, you can download one of the songs from the album from here. Rush out and get this album now.

mr mcmuffin on 14 May 2004 @ 08:56 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (2) | TrackBack

the low of evility...

The good news is that it now even safer to visit this site. It has been a struggle but we have managed to curb the darker side of ourselves and, as you can see, it has paid off.

mr mcmuffin on 14 May 2004 @ 07:32 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (1) | TrackBack

exploding pasta...

I had a strange food experience today. I was making some pasta when it suddenly exploded in the pot, perhaps exploded isn't the right word, it really just seem to disintegrate. The picture on the left is the before, and the picture on the right is the oddly broken up stuff. This has never happened to me before. Does anyone have any idea why this happened?

mr mcmuffin on 13 May 2004 @ 11:13 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (6) | TrackBack

gag the man

Mr McMuffin can hardly shut up these days. He even phoned me at work to tell me about the 'Little Scottish Man', but failed to mention the undeniable lust wave! He's off work tomorrow, so I shall be smelling his clothes to see if they reek of aftershave.

My life is full of nasty work and tiredness at the moment, so I am pleased that he is 'keeping regular' so I don't have to. I would love to talk about some of the people who are pissing me off, but fear that it may come back on me some day.

I took the Evil quiz just now and I am merely 'twisted', so am wrongly accused of contributing evil to this site. I'm going to bed now and to show how good I am will read 'Heidi' (just to see if it's as vomitous as I remember). Night night.

mr mcmuffin on 13 May 2004 @ 10:57 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

evility...

Leave us alone. We is hardly evil at all, and you are trying to make us evil. You are all in the service of the blogdemon. There is nothing for you here evil ones. This is an ever so slghtly evil blog for people who are hardly evil at all. Mrs McMuffin has noted that "English also undergoes mutations and it is not just bloody Welsh, monoglot boy." She is strange, and quite possibly considerably more evil than me. Which may explain why our evil score is climbing.

Update: just found this site. Turns out that I am quite evil after all.

How evil are you?

mr mcmuffin on 13 May 2004 @ 09:58 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (0) | TrackBack

i thought I was 'passed' it...

I forgot to mention that my little Scottish man seemed to be making a pass at me too. I opened the door to him in my dressing gown and my painting slippers, my working at home attire, and my hair was greasy and unwashed. I looked lovely. Anyway, as he was going through his spiel, he said something about someone else he was working for who didn't wear a "nighty gown", then he said, "and yours is see-through." Now, Mrs McMuffin bought me the gown, and she can barely bear to see me naked, she bought me the thickest thing you can imagine. She even forces me to wear it in the summer just to make sure she doesn't catch a glimpse of my naked flesh. She denies this, and says that she is trying to preserve the mystery of my manliness. Later on, as my Scottish chappie and his mate were having a break, I was putting Slink out before setting off to work, and he commented on "what a large pussy you have." Which I thought was a bit odd because Slink is quite a small cat. I am not very good at this stuff, because I am suddenly reminded of the occasion that I was drinking in a pub when I was about 19. I was standing at the jukebox choosing some music, and munching on a bag of peanuts as I went. An older woman, she was at least 30, sidled up to me and asked me for one of my nuts. Being a naive young boy, I said, "sure" and offered her the bag. I finished choosing my music and sat down with my friends, who told me that I had just been propositioned by a prostitute. Who could have guessed?

So, anyway, I think my little Scottish man is offering me real value for money. Not only do I get the garden cleared but he gave my ego a little boost too! Truly, though, how could the poor man resist me? For God's sake, he is only human.

mr mcmuffin on 13 May 2004 @ 09:47 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (2) | TrackBack

result...

It is kind of hard to move on from my last post, but I guess I must...

I was sitting at home, working of course, when a little Scottish man knocked on the door to ask me if I want the rubbish in our front garden cleared. There has been rubbish in our front garden for three years. We clear it every now and then, but when we attack another room, all the rubbish goes into the front garden. He even had a little leaflet. I readily agreed to tackling an even bigger job. He and friend are now knocking down our derelict garden shed, which is nearly as big as our house, and the outside toilet. They will be finished by 4pm tomorrow, and are only charging £450! Mrs McMuffin is made up, but secretly fearful that all the rubbish will be dumped into a nature reserve somewhere. I always find it easier not to ask where they are dumping the stuff. I like to assume that they are taking it to a proper dump to be recycled! She is just a jaded old worn out cynic. This couldn't have happened at a better time, because Mrs McMuffin now has time to plant some lovely things in the garden. By the end of the summer it will be as if we never had a shed and toilet in our garden. She is talking trellis already. Not that any of this matters because I will be spending the summer with Jo.

mr mcmuffin on 13 May 2004 @ 08:41 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

this is evil...

This is Nick Berg, and on Saturday 8 May 2004 he had his head hacked off. The men who did it claimed to be some kind of freedom fighters. They say they are fighting against American oppression. Apparently they have posted a video of them cutting thru his neck. I haven't seen the film, but I have been haunted by the thought of it all day. I have found myself constantly thinking about what it would be like to have my head cut off. I have sympathy with people around the world who genuinely fight for freedom. The only problem I have is that the men who are able to do this sort of thing are no longer able to appreciate what they claim to be fighting for. They have truly become monsters, and they live in a world where all human life is meaningless. They have stripped themselves of all capacity to empathise with other people, and in doing so they have lost all possible connections with others and the world around them. They may think they feel a sense of comradeship with the others who carried out this terrible act, but that is a sham feeling. These are men truly living in the abyss. They are mad people in a very real way, in that they no longer have a sense of themselves in the world, a sense of themselves which is reflected by the people around them with whom they have emotional connections. I can't imagine what they are going to do next.

mr mcmuffin on 12 May 2004 @ 08:15 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (6) | TrackBack

we are hardly evil at all...

I think this is the final seal of approval I was looking for. This site is now officially not very evil, which means that we have finally got rid of the blogdemon once and for all. I got this from David TEFLSmiler, who got it from Blinger, who got it from Katolik Shinja, who now appears to have their very own blogdemon.

mr mcmuffin on 12 May 2004 @ 07:09 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (4) | TrackBack

the streaming itunes experiment...

I set up NiceCast [do a Google on it. I don't want to draw to much attention to myself!] to randomly broadcast the music in my iTunes library continuously for 12 hours while I was at work yesterday. During that time, we had 39 listeners, each of who stayed for an average of 14 minutes. I imagine some people came back more than once. The software clearly works, but the big issue for me is, why would I want to mindlessly broadcast my music to the world? Of course, I haven't mentioned that doing this effectively gives me access to my music from anywhere in the world, and that is quite cool. I guess the long and the short of this is...the experiment is over. Radio Free McMuffin is no more...

mr mcmuffin on 12 May 2004 @ 07:17 AM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (6) | TrackBack

welly boots

I have complained before about Slinky's nasty muddy paws, but this morning he just went too far. Mr McMuffin didn't manage to stop him from heading back upstairs to jump on me and he had the muddiest paws I have ever seen. You could raise seeds between his toes and it was wet. After leaving a trail of footprints over the bedding he stood on my arm and tried to touch my face with his paws out of sheer love for me, I believe! This was not a pleasant experience, but then it dawned on me that the only reason he had been digging in the garden was to bury his poo. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I've decided that's it for the nasty neighbour, he will be wearing wellies outside and slippers in the house.

mr mcmuffin on 11 May 2004 @ 07:30 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (3) | TrackBack

i'm in the money part 2

I just don't believe it. I immediately emailed my bank details to the "SCIENTIFIC GAME PROMO LOTTERY; THE NETHERLANDS / INTERNATIONAL, PROGRAMS", but my email has been returned. The address couldn't be found. You'd think a big organisation like that would have it's email sorted. I was hoping to collect my winnings quickly, but I guess I'll have to phone them now.

mr mcmuffin on 10 May 2004 @ 03:51 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (5) | TrackBack

you'll never guess what i have been doing

I was fitting another telephone extention in the living room, sitting cross legged in the tiny space I had made behind the television. I suddenly felt very sleepy. I lowered my head onto my chest and shut my eyes...forty minutes later I woke up! How's that for odd? It is not every day you squeeze into a little space like that and then fall asleep sitting with your legs crossed. That's surely the strangest place to fall asleep...or is it?...Perhaps you know different...

mr mcmuffin on 10 May 2004 @ 03:42 PM ✲ Permalink ✲ Comments (1) | TrackBack

i'm in the money, i'm in the money...

I'm rich. Finally my boat has come in. I will probably not be posting for a while as I have so much money to spend and so little time. Thought you might like to see my good news email:

AWED INTERNATIONAL LOTTO.BV PROMO/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT.
ADDRESS: KRUISLAAN 408, 1098 SJ, AMSTERDAM - THE NETHERLANDS.
REF: AIL/7585021-47/03
BATCH: 681/75937867/HM
ATTENTION: RE / AWARD NOTIFICATION / PROCESSING ADVICE: AL

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today, 8th May, 2004 of winners of the SCIENTIFIC GAME PROMO LOTTERY; THE NETHERLANDS / INTERNATIONAL, PROGRAMS held on 17th May, 2004. Your email address attached to ticket number 89-02897893, with serial number 95020 drew the lucky numbers 14-21-33-42-49-63, and subsequently won the lottery in the 1st category. You have therefore been approved of a lump sum pay out of US$1,500,000.00 (ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS) in credited to file REF NO. AIL/7585021-47/03. This is from total prize money of US$12,500,000.00 shared among the international winners in our 1st -5th categories. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn form 25,000 company email addresses and 30,000,000 individual email addresses from Australia, New Zealand, America, Europe, North America and Asia as part of International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually.CONGRATULATIONS! Your funds is now in custody of a financial Security company insured in your FILE REFERENCE. Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program. This lottery program was promoted by our group of philanthropist headed by Mr. Bill Gates. We hope with part of your prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes US$10,000,000 million Dollars International Lottery in the year 2005.
To begin your claim, please contact your file/claim officer: MR.KONAN ARMSTRONG,of AWED INTERNATIONAL LOTTO.BV (AMSTERDAM - THE NETHERLANDS). On TEL: 0031-620675783.

Please be informed that NON RESIDENCE of THE NETHERLANDS will be required to procure an Affidavit of Lotto Claim/Court clearance certificate from the Court in the Netherlands prior to award payment policy of The Netherlands Gaming Board as required by the paying Authority.

Please be aware that your Paying Authority will Effect Payment Swiftly upon satisfactory Report, Verifications and validation provided by this processing Agent. For due processing and remittance of your winning prize to designated account of your choice, please treat as urgent. Remember, all prize money must be claimed NOT LATER than 17th MAY, 2004. After this date, all funds will be returned as unclaimed.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delay and complications, please remember to qu