another one...

We have had another troll nip. No idea why he has taken agin us in this way. His comment has been deleted and he has been banned, of course. But, I thought his lovely little poem deserved a wider audience. It really is a brave attempt. Please note that this has apparently been written by an English man who objects to me, a Scottish man, criticising somewhere I lived in Scotland. My, what has the world come to. I wouldn't want to live inside his head. Mrs McMuffin also objects to his sexism. Her criticism of Orkney has been ignored. By the way, did we mention that when we were last in Orkney we spent a very pleasant couple of hours in a local museum. Imagine our surprise to find photographs that were 80 years old with the faces of people we had just seen in Kirkwall. They are a very close knit community in Orkney. I hope you enjoy this because sadly he will not be appearing on these pages again despite the time and effort he has devoted to us. Bless. And, of course, our fan remains anonymous.

I wonder if we are about to receive a huge windfall for being so very, very lovely?

Mr Nasty (foul mouth)

Is the world full of nasty people with a foul mouth,
Well not really but at the time, I was looking south.
Bags of wind, so full of crap,
the rubbish flowing from their mouth like a running tap.

They are like empty tins, rattling to make some noise,
they are the kind they call the bully boys.
So far up themselves, they look like a big ass,
mister you and your kind are not even in any class.

Look into yourself, you are ugly as sin,
if I had a face like you, I’d hide it in a bin
Get yourself a life, forget that, jump off a cliff,
and get yourself a pair of boxing gloves and give yourself a biff.

The world is not full of nasty people, it only seems that way,
but mister, for your sins one day you will pay.
I hope I am sitting there with the lever in my hand,
watching you fry, my wouldn't that be grand.

One day an Orcadian will have call to save your life, if it was me I’d give it a miss,
if you were on fire, I would not give you any piss.
So here’s to you, whoever you think you are,
if I saw you on the road, I’d run you down with my car.

So you think I’m a little Orcadian, well mister I am not,
I am actually English but you don't care a jot.
It’s folk like you who give us a bad name, mate,
when it’s your time to leave please lock and bolt the gate.

You silly little man, you’re so full of crap,
for once in your life close your stupid trap.
If you can’t say anything nice, did your mummy not tell you that,
maybe one day me and the boys will come around for a chat.

This is not a threat it’s just a bit of fun,
it cost nobody nothing but at your cost my son.
Live and let live and don’t be so full of bile,
if I saw anyone of your type I think I’d run a mile.