hah! that's a bad day?

Don't want to disparage MrMcMuffin's bad day, but that is small beer compared to my management problems. We are a small team of 9 within a much larger team. We have not had an overall team manager for about 6 months, and all the duties have fallen on Ms Ginger Cake and I. Add to this an unprecedented amount of child protection work, one social worker leaving tomorrow, two workers on the verge of a breakdown and stacks of illness, and we are a mess.

Thankfully other managers have taken this seriously, but there's not much they can do about the volume of work and the unwillingness of other qualified and suitable workers to get into or stay in this line of work. I fantasise about working on the deli counter at Tesco's. This has been a longstanding dream of mine from when I was in residential work, I used to love the idea of always going home at the end of the day. I get to do that now, but it's so late I might as well stay over! Ms Ginger Cake and I have joked about setting up hammocks in our new office, it's worth a thought, but what would I do without Mr McMuffin's contented little snores?

just another day

I have made what I hope are some subtle changes to the site, but html is a bugger and I am struggling to get to grips with it. I can easily make it do some things, but I cannot seem to work out why certain things don't work...Have another look at our lovely 'about us' page.

I really needed to have some time with my beloved imac this evening. What a day this has been. I am not sure many people really understands the emotional impact of managing a team of people. Today I had to manage a team meeting where I had to tell everyone off for the about of money they were spending, and threaten to put in place some pretty draconian measures. Fortunately, for them or maybe for me, they accepted what I had to say...It really is exhausting work. Added to this, I think I might be losing my job soon...Finding another job shouldn't be a problem, but who wants to be cast aside like a used condom?

Got to go now, but I am sure that my beloved, Mrs McMuffin will have some thing to add...

when i was a child

I think I am suffering from posting frenzy...just while dinner is cooking mind you...I know I can handle it...I just wanted to say something about my life as a child...something amusing, of course...Don't worry, it has never been my intention to bring you down...Oops...dinner is ready...

have i mentioned...

Anyway, have I mentioned that I have a lovely new iPod? It is fantastic, and it has reawakened my love of music. I thought that I had grown out of it...But, I am suddenly excited by the music that I am playing. I have rigged up an old set of computer speakers...just a 2:1 Cambridge Sounds set...into the iPod dock and they sound fantastic. I have decided to get rid of my stereo proper. Who needs more...?

she must really hate me...

Why would the woman that I love want to frighten me with her erratic driving? It is a mystery to me. Don't pay any attention to her claims of super-drivedom, she is nothing more than a girl-racer, with a death wish...apparently a wish for my death. I might as well admit the truth that sometimes I can fake-brake, but hey, who hasn't done that when they are facing certain death at the hands of a maniac driver. I think I need to say here that I was not drunk...I had only had two pints...I was completely compos mentis, and I think it was completely reasonable to be in fear of my life, under the circumstances.

i am a wednesday's child

and I am full of woe. Another shabby day at work. Enough of my 80 hour week, you must be as bored as I am. I do feel a responsibility to make daily posts as Mr McMuffin is shirking his duties. Thankyou to Single Cookie for her wise words. When are the rest of you gits going to take the time?

I had an interesting experience with Mr McMuffin yesterday when I picked him up from work. He had been on a course in central London and had a couple of pints afterwards. He is quite affected by alcohol, and it exacerbated his fear of my driving. Now let it be said I am not a bad driver. I am the proud owner of a full motorbike and car license and no points. From my mad days of screaming round on a Stan Stephens tuned 2 stroke (350LC for the afficionados) I have become a very sensible driver. However MrMcMuffin's anxiety reached new proportions and he started to fake brake about 100 yards before I needed to do anything, with a terrified expression on his face. I have found a new way to mess with his mind, and now plan to only take him out in my car if he's had enough alcohol not to feel sober and very slightly anxious. I am not naturally cruel, but sometimes it is too hard to resist.

dumping and thumping

Having read yesterday's post, I realise I sound a little jaded and cynical. I am, but I do wish to point out that I do beleive that people can make positive changes, or I wouldn't be doing my job. None of my clients will ever read this, but I did think about how they might feel about my description of 'dumping' their children. I have to say I felt a bit ashamed of myself. I really don't think anyone would want to hand their child to Social Services if they really beleived that they had other options, I guess it's my job to point those options out, and not judge too harshly. It is easy to blame people for not doing a good job, but my friends and family (who do a very good job with their children) still find it hard.

My sister and her husband have raised two wonderful children with love, firmness and a lot of soul searching! they also had the advantages of good enough parenting, good education and a decent standard of living. I am in no way minimising their achievements, but often think how much harder it must be to do this when your history has been characterised by abuse, physical and intellectual poverty. I realise that this seems a little sanctimonious and serious, but when the guilt hit, it hits me hard-of course that's nothing to do with my own pathological experiences!

Anyway, whatever. I am very much looking forward to my neice's 13th birthday party on Friday. I beleive that there will be a disco, and I very much want to disabuse her of her childish notion that I have any cool by strutting my funky stuff in the company of her other cool aunt. Love her! She's fantastic. She's been able to satirise and mock since she could talk. Her brother's very funny too, and they make quite a team. How can she be a teenager already? I could go on, but I don't think she would thank me for sharing any more of her life.

I think I just have to accept that while I don't mind getting older, it's still a shock to see that the children I love are getting older too. Sometimes I can convince myself that I'm still looking pretty good, but a couple of weeks ago I had an experience that foiled that feeble attempt at self delusion. I was sitting having lunch with my sister in a cafe, and two policemen stopped outside the window. I know you can see where this is going. Yes they did look like children, and yes, I did feel old. What did make it worse was the nice, elderly couple to my left who whispered conspiratorially 'Oooh, you feel it too, don't you, love? Makes you feel old when they look so young". Frankly I was not prepared for inclusion into their septugenarian world, so I shot them. Of course I didn't, I'm British, and I don't have a gun. I merely smiled sweetly and agreed. Ta for now.

just another manic monday

But clearly Sunday isn't my fun day. What a day. Why does everyone seem to want to dump/abuse their children over the weekend? We're torn between telling parents that we don't want their children when they'll gladly offer them up, and trying to take battered kids away from parents who are concerned that their punchbag might not stay with them. Thank God for the vast majority of OK parents, and those that just need a little bit of support to get back on track.

As you may gather, this is a little stressful. I like to remind my own parents about how they failed me, making me beleive that public service was an honour, rather than advising me to enter the money markets. 6 years at university for this.

Anyway, Mr McMuffin makes it seem manageable, soothing my troubled brow and cooking me lovely food. Thank God for him and books to take my mind of it all. Have just re read "Flicker" by Theodore Roszak and am now re reading "The Second Angel' by Phillip Kerr. There's a bit of a book drought in the McMuffin household, must go shopping.

Was going to comment on music that I like. I don't really support his choices, only being able to bear "Time stand still" by Rush, although Queen don't make me boke too much. At some point will comment on the good live acts I've seen, although can't top Mr Mc Muffin's account of taking a dwarf with him!

Sunday, Sunday

Mr McMuffin is normally not a fool. I was stunned to see that he had put the Slink's photo on our page. Is it not enough that the heartless cat has taken over our lives, he has clearly got Mr McMuffin involved in his plan for world domination. Don't look into his eyes. That's all I have to say on the matter.

I now feel a Morrissey quote coming on: Every day is like Sunday, every day is silent and grey....

It has been one of those days today. The great British Autumn has finally arrived and it's dull, wet and horrible. I haven't been outside at all. It reminds me of how Sundays were when the shops were closed, and going back to school never seemed as appalling as it did in the summer. Frankly it's very depressing.

I was listening to a radio program about happiness, and I think one caller got it almost right. Basically it was about loving and being loved, being concerned about others, and having something in the not too distant future to look forward too. He didn't mention the weather.

mrs mcMuffin

slink

I thought it was time that I introduced you to the bane of our life: Slinky. Slink is our neighbour's cat. He is a 10 years old Burmese. When we first moved in, he would timidly slink around us in that way that cats have, so we called him Slinky. That, of course, is not his real name. Now, he treats our house as an extension of his own and he seems to think that we belong to him. I don't know if you know much about Burmese but they have been bred to need the company of human beings. They are much more like dogs than cats. He insists on being as close to you at all times, regardless of what you are doing, and often this will involve him sitting on your shoulder or, as he did on one occasion, on the top of my head. Add to this a cry that sounds uncannily like a human baby crying for food, and he is impossible to resist. He can keep up a cry for as long as three hours until you finally crack under the pressure and let him have whatever he wants. Fortunately, all he usually wants is to sit on our lap.

A Slink story: one night Mrs McMuffin and I were sitting watching TV. We could hear Slink crying outside our window, but couldn't be bothered to get up to let him in. Suddenly there was a crash against the window. I went to the front door to see what had happened. There was Slink waiting, and as he trotted into the house it was clear he had a slight limp. I can only assume that he had thrown himself against the window in a desperate attempt to get into the house.

How could anyone resist that?

mr mcmuffin

dinner

Just had Mr and Mrs Carrott-Cake round for dinner. We had a lovely time, it was good to see them. I cooked a great meal, even if I do say so myself. We started with individual onion and tomato tarts and a balsamic and butter syrup. We then had cod with pesto wrapped in Parma ham, with a cannelloni bean mash and asparagus. The pudding was a fantastic cake made from almonds and pine nuts. We had lots and lots to drink, and lots of chocolate too. I feel a little bit drunk right now, and I am not so sure that this entry will make much sense in the morning. Took round some of the cake to Mrs McMuffin's sister who lives a couple of doors away.

Had a bit of a shock when Ian asked me how my new iPod fitted in with the Zire 71 PDA that I have. Mrs McMuffin has always said that I need an IT strategy. I suddenly realised that I don't have one. The iPod seems to have many of the features of the Zire 71, although you can't write to it in the same way. Maybe it is true and I am just a gadget boy.

We have organised our New Year, and are now going to stay with Mr and Mrs Carrott-Cake. I think Mrs Carrott-Cake has some idea about hosting a murder mystery event, or something like that. But, that may have been the drink talking. In any event, it seems that we are going to stay with them on New Years eve. Last year Mrs McMuffin and I decded to stay in and have a quiet time. It was probably the most boring New Years we had ever had. At midnight, we had a half-hearted attempt to have drink to celebrate the new year, but we gave up and went to bed, slightly depressed. We swore that we would never try the quiet night in stuff again.

It is 3.20am and that is all for now. I must get to bed.

But, before I go, I note to Mrs Carrott-Cake: don't feel too bad about upending a full glass of red wine all over the white linen table cloth. Spray bleach and a boil wash has saved it.

mr mcmuffin

handy hints for homemakers

Every now and again I like to get in touch with my inner housewife, and thought I would share with you my hard won hints.

First of all, Quentin Crisp was right about dusting. Don't bother, it never gets any worse.

Second hint: Buy a big house so you can fill a couple of rooms up with rubbish. This gives the appearance of tidiness in the rest of the house. Remember to always keep the doors shut.

Third hint: Spray bleach rocks. It will clean anything. Don't use it on your fridge or radiators unless you like the rusty spot contrast. Just think, if it's doing that to metal, what is it doing to your lungs?

Finally, life is too short for housework unless you have people coming to visit. It concentrates your mind wonderfully and you can achieve results very quickly. If you don't want to die of botulism poisoning or collapse under the weight of bedbugs I can recommend inviting friends over weekly. You also get a reputation for being gregarious and hospitable, and they have no idea that you're just using them.

messing with his mind

Poor Mr McMuffin, can you sense the unease in his last post? As a dutiful wife I like to anticipate his needs and wants to make life as smooth for him as possible. However I'm not sure he truly understands this central plank of our relationship. Don't you think he sounded a little shocked that I encouraged him to get his little gadget thing? It almost seemed as if he expected me to have a say in the matter. This bothers me immensely. What kind of little woman would I be if I made him seem less of a man by expecting him to involve me in purchasing decisions? He is the head of the house, the provider and needs his techno thingies to relax, every good spouse should know this.

All this worried me so much that I gave the tupperware a good clean, and sewed some new gingham curtains. What is the world coming to if men ask women what they think? Before you know it women will be aping men-going out to work, earning their own money, having control of their own lives. I think that this is a greater threat than the axis of evil that nice Mr Bush talks about. Golly, I hope my children don't grow up thinking men and women can be equals. Anyway I must go now, I think Mr McMuffin needs me to gaze at him adoringly for the next ten minutes.

oh, the fingerprints

I have now returned from Mac Expo. Ms Sponge and I had a great time. Lots of lovely stuff for us to see and play with. I did manage to get myself a good deal on an iPod and an iTrip too. I couldn't wait to get home so that I could play with them. I have now charged it up and have been playing with it while. It is truly lovely. The iTrip works fine, and the sound quality is about what I'd expected - FM radio quality. Not bad and certainly something you can listen to. The iPod is even better than I had expected. The usual ease of use that I have come to expect from Apple is certainly there, and, of course, the beautiful design. The remote control is a work of art. But, the fingerprints are already driving me to distraction. I have resolved only to handle it with gloves on...Which may sound a bit weird to someone who has never handled one of these things, but to have all that beauty marred by greasy fingerprints is a sin against the design gods...Fortunately, fingerprints do not affect the sound very much.

I have already been toying with the idea of hacking it so that I can remove the volume cap. However, I am going to play with it a bit longer before doing that, because I am sure that I will muck it all up at least once, and have to reset it all. That seems to be par for the course for me.

me and my ipod

I am so excited. I woke up early today. I am going to the Mac Expo in London with my friend, Ms Victoria Sponge. That, of course, would be reason enough for excitement, a day off work and lots of Mac stuff. But, no, the real reason is that Mrs McMuffin has agreed that I should buy myself an iPod. She actually acted a bit like a pod person herself. Mrs McMuffin usually poo poos my techi-gadget desires, but this time, for some unfathomable reason, she readily agreed, and to confuse me even more, she suggested that I should get the 40GB version as it probably represented better value for money in the longer term! I did have to promise to love it and to feed it and to clean up after it and to take it for walks, but that shouldn't be too hard for me to do. What is going on? You think you know someone and then they do something you don't expect. Maybe it's some kind of test. Maybe I am supposed to decide not to buy one because I really don't need it. Maybe at some point in the future I will be able to point back to this day and say that is when our relationship ended, the day Mrs McMuffin agreed to me buying an iPod.

Who knows. All I know is that I am off for a hard day of all things Mac.

By the way, I also mentioned to Mrs McMuffin that Apple had released a 20" flat panel iMac, but she didn't seem to be very impressed.

mr mcmuffin

royal scandal

I was surprised to finally find out what the latest royal scandal is all about from the front page of The Sun. I thought there was some kind of gagging order in place. Apparently Prince Charles was caught in a 'compromising position' with a manservant. I wonder what they mean? Prince Charles giving someone a blow job? Who really cares about this stuff? I suppose this is some kind of Princess Di backlash, which reminds me of the theory that my sister had when Natalie Wood died. Do you remember that Robert Wagner, Natalie Wood's husband, used to star in a detective series with Stephanie Powers in the 1970s, well my sister was convinced that Wagner and Powers conspired to murder their respective partners so that they could be together. She did not think it was a coincidence that shortly after Natalie Wood accidently drowned, Powers' long time partner, William Holden, also died, in some kind of accident involving a coffee table. Absolutely nothing we said could persuade her from her theory, she would merely nod sagely and say, "I think the facts speak for themselves."

mr mcmuffin

starting over

I have made one of these blogs before, but messed it up when I tried to remap the domain. I decided it was easier to start over than try to sort out the mess, although really I decided to remake the site. I was going to keep a blog all by myself, but as soon as my wife saw what I was doing she wanted to be part of it. We do everything together. We have matching shell suits that we wear at the weekend. Mrs McMuffin wears pink, and mine is a lovely shade of blue, which is a boys colour, by the way. Don't make any mistake about this, I am all man. Anyway, enough of that...I am not sure what I am going to write about, but I am going to try to make at least one entry every day. Welcome to our blog...