dumping and thumping

Having read yesterday's post, I realise I sound a little jaded and cynical. I am, but I do wish to point out that I do beleive that people can make positive changes, or I wouldn't be doing my job. None of my clients will ever read this, but I did think about how they might feel about my description of 'dumping' their children. I have to say I felt a bit ashamed of myself. I really don't think anyone would want to hand their child to Social Services if they really beleived that they had other options, I guess it's my job to point those options out, and not judge too harshly. It is easy to blame people for not doing a good job, but my friends and family (who do a very good job with their children) still find it hard.

My sister and her husband have raised two wonderful children with love, firmness and a lot of soul searching! they also had the advantages of good enough parenting, good education and a decent standard of living. I am in no way minimising their achievements, but often think how much harder it must be to do this when your history has been characterised by abuse, physical and intellectual poverty. I realise that this seems a little sanctimonious and serious, but when the guilt hit, it hits me hard-of course that's nothing to do with my own pathological experiences!

Anyway, whatever. I am very much looking forward to my neice's 13th birthday party on Friday. I beleive that there will be a disco, and I very much want to disabuse her of her childish notion that I have any cool by strutting my funky stuff in the company of her other cool aunt. Love her! She's fantastic. She's been able to satirise and mock since she could talk. Her brother's very funny too, and they make quite a team. How can she be a teenager already? I could go on, but I don't think she would thank me for sharing any more of her life.

I think I just have to accept that while I don't mind getting older, it's still a shock to see that the children I love are getting older too. Sometimes I can convince myself that I'm still looking pretty good, but a couple of weeks ago I had an experience that foiled that feeble attempt at self delusion. I was sitting having lunch with my sister in a cafe, and two policemen stopped outside the window. I know you can see where this is going. Yes they did look like children, and yes, I did feel old. What did make it worse was the nice, elderly couple to my left who whispered conspiratorially 'Oooh, you feel it too, don't you, love? Makes you feel old when they look so young". Frankly I was not prepared for inclusion into their septugenarian world, so I shot them. Of course I didn't, I'm British, and I don't have a gun. I merely smiled sweetly and agreed. Ta for now.